too many activities?

[fishnoises]

I posed this in another thread a few weeks ago and I feel the need to bring it up on this board instead of the general one.
I have a HUGE issue with allowing my kids to be too involved and active. My dh signs our ds for every activity he can, but finds himself overscheduled and needing me to pick up on the driving to and fro! I don't have a problem with the driving, but I am comcerned with the excess amount of extra curricular activities. Scouts, archery, upward basketball, and now soon to be little league. My dd's do gymnastics. (The oldest is in a dance ministry at church as well.)
I am not one to overschedule and be too active. I like for the kids to have down time. I do not want them to grow up like most adults who feel they have to be so busy every day. Do it all and have no time to be bored and get creative (let alone make time for the Lord!)
I am very selective about play dates and try to keep sleepovers at a minimum.
Speaking of sleepovers...does anyone else have a problem with them? My husband and I just don't understand the popularity of them! I know families who have sleepovers every weekend! I don't get it! Bedtime is hard enough! I am very tempted to ban them except for birthdays.....

Anyways...I just am trying to see if anyone out there is desperately trying to slow the pace of life. Less busy work, more quality work. Less play dates, more quality family time and alone time. Less running around, more dinners together (and time to actually cook them...from scratch!) Less rushing, more resting!

[Beth in Central TX]

Yes, my DH and I have purposely decided to limit the amount of extra-curricular activities that our boys participate in. All three boys go to Wednesday night activities (Choir and AWANA) and Sunday School each week. DH and I serve in AWANA, so this is part of our family ministry service.

Unless DH is held up at work (which rarely happens), we eat dinner together as a family around the dinner table. We've even decided to exercise as a family 3-4 nights a week following the Presidential Challenge program.

It's difficult not to get overscheduled because there's so many good things to do, but for us, we think family time is extremely important. Our schedule reflects this priority.

[nestof3]

I personally do not like running here and there, having the family in different directions, rarely eating dinner together, etc.

So, we really don't have any outside activities right now. My boys did take pottery, but right now nothing. Our oldest works with DH and plays paintball once a month. He meets up with a good friend for dessert or something from time to time, but my little ones and I spend most of our time at home.

That's why I was looking for activities I had not perhaps considered outside of the "norm." I really don't like team sports commitments -- when our oldest was in baseball, our life revolved around it. With my husband being self-employed, his work hours depend on how much needs to get done and on the weather (it's an outside job). It's hard for us to always be able to meet three times a week at a certain time. Then, there were the Sunday games which did not fit into our Sunday routine since we house church and most of our Sunday is spent on this.

I also don't want my boys getting attached to an activity when they are young that we would not want them to pursue when they are teens. We have pretty strict guidelines about modesty and such, so it just rules some activities out.

As for sleepovers, we never do them. Well, one of our oldest son's friends stayed the night once or twice after church because he was going to help them work the next day, and I would have no problem with him staying over at this family's house, but as for my young boys, I am very protective over them. We were the same way with our oldest. I am very careful about the neighborhood children as well. They are fortunate to have each other within such a close age range, and on Sundays they play with SO many children since all of the families we meet with have 7 or more children. We saw with our oldest boy how impressionable they are when they are young. I really see the difference in my young ones compared to our oldest when he was their age. Our young ones are still so young seeming compared to him. From public school and peers, he had learned far more negative than he should have at an early age.

I also feel that the limited activity has allowed our boys to be very creative in artistic pursuits and personal pursuits. I would like to add something, but I will never be able to be a person who runs around town. Spending time together in our cozy little home, eating dinner together, etc means so much to me. Cooking from scratch is also very important to me for health reasons and for financial reasons. My husband and I dine out once a week as a date night, and sometimes we will order pizza, but the rest of the dinners are 95% from scratch.

[Eliana]

We limit outside activities.

We try to limit the amount of time we all spend in the car shuttling from thing to thing, and we also are very concerned about protecting our children's unscheduled time. I feel that is one of the greatest gifts of homeschooling - time to read, to explore, to play, to do *nothing*.

We take an even more extreme position on sleepovers - we don't do them. To be more accurate, the only sleepovers we ever host are out-of-town friends or family staying with us! My eldest (14.5) has spent the night at her best friend's house, but only very rarely.

These choices have helped us create the lifestyle we want, and match our family's priorities... iow they are part of a much larger picture. Some families seem to thrive on, what seems to me, hectic schedule - to handle everything better when there are a lot of balls in the air. I watch in awed amazement, and I admire the advantages they've created with their choices, but I know that it is not the right choice for us... and they might admire the benefits of our lifestyle choices while realizing that for them it would be suffocating, stultifying... flat.

I would encourage you to listen to your instincts, and then talk it through with your dh and make your decisions in the larger context of family lifestyle choices...

[DIY-DY]

Anyways...I just am trying to see if anyone out there is desperately trying to slow the pace of life. Less busy work, more quality work. Less play dates, more quality family time and alone time. Less running around, more dinners together (and time to actually cook them...from scratch!) Less rushing, more resting!

We've always had that. I've always guarded that precious pace of our life very jealously. It's been good. I've always had a minimalist, family-first, plenty-to-do-here-on-the-property kind of focus. I've loved and enjoyed that lifestyle. We make our "big trek" into town once every two weeks, have lunch w/ Dad, hit a museum or art show, maybe the park, do the groceries, and go. back. home. What a happy time. :)

DH insisted on the older boys joining Cub Scouts this year. I acquiesced, with the understanding that it's *his* thing with them. I felt that if I were going to schedule more time out of the house, it would be for something that would mesh better w/ "how we do things" (not at night, for instance, or perhaps for music lessons instead of Cub Scouts... just different perspectives, really). He was okay w/ that, and it's been a good thing that they have enjoyed, while I still got to stay home with the littles to bake cookies, read stories, and wallow in the joy of it all.

Two weeks ago we started music lessons. Again, I was very careful to schedule so that we weren't running willy-nilly all over the place: back-to-back lessons for the two eldest, once a week only, during the day (not at naptime, not near meal time, etc. etc.), won't interfere w/ long weekends w/ Dad home and so forth. Ahhh, I'm handling this soooooo well.

But then ALL THREE boys wanted to play baseball this year. And lemme tell ya... with the seemingly innocent stroke of a pen, there went my happy, quiet, hermit-life. This particular backlog of activity will probably be an annual spurt each spring. I'm trying to be "OK" with it. I'm trying not to hyperventilate. I've moved things around a bit, and so far, Thursdays are the only days that feel like Thor's Hammer is beating us all over town.

And really, it's not as if three activities is a tremendous amount. It's just that three activities, times three children, plus the poor "sideline siblings", plus the new baby coming... and it *feels* tremendous. Thankfully, it's also temporary. I can do this for one season out of the year. And, come harvest season, when we're back home in the evenings, enjoying the balmy breezes and supper on the porch, I have a feeling I won't be the only one in the family who lets out a big sigh of relief and contentment. I could not imagine going at this pace all. the. time. Some people thrive on it, but I'd have to put something far stronger than Gatorade in my squeeze bottle if this was how it was all the time! :tongue_smilie:

[ddandgirls]

As the others have mentioned we guard our family time as well. I have very close friends who are running all the time. It does not work for our family. I have two girls and my oldest dd plays piano and has a lesson once a week during the early afternoon and then both girls do ballet. This is all I want to do. As it is ballet in the late afternoon/evening pushes our dinner schedule. However, we still have dinner (from scratch - we have food allergies so eating out doesn't happen much) everynight, even if it is a late dinner. My daughters would rather have a snack and eat late with Dad than all eating at different times.

I try to run errands or read books in the car with my youngest while we wait for the older one during lessons. She actually likes having an hour of just mom reading whatever she wants.

We do very limited sleepovers. So far the only ones have been because we were traveling to friends houses or they were traveling here. We do that for mostly for traveling for birthday parties or vacations so often the parents are there too and this is only with three close families we know well, but don't live near.

I try to have several days a week where we don't go anywhere. We will often do "field trips" to museums, etc. as a family on the weekend. If we do go out I try to keep us to one activity a day and run errands when already out so we don't have to leave the house unnecessarily on our home days.

My children love when they wake up in the morning and ask what do we have today? If I say, "nothing, it's our day at home" everybody is happy.:001_smile:

[fishnoises]

I appreciate your comments. Sometimes I feel like I am offending my friends when I decline on their offers to get together for playdates. I think they must feel I am avoiding them. (And there are some families with kids who I do try to limit visits with! And they homeschool....)
Thanks nestof3. I sensed your dilemma in your other post! I think you are doing a great job (from what I've read...)
Caroline

[Antonia]

For us, it's not a matter of the number of activities, but the time involved in each. Dd is a serious ballet student, so, even though that is her only activity and always has been, we are up to her attending class 35 hours per week and us dropping off and picking up six days out of seven. Ds has fallen in love with theater and loves performing, so between classes and productions, he is on the go between three and five days each week.

I was the kid who wanted nothing more than to be left alone to read, so my parents never had to take me anywhere. I'm still like this. Don't know how I ended up with kids who are so into performing and spend so much time out in the world; it would make me crazy.

[fishnoises]

I was the kid who wanted nothing more than to be left alone to read, so my parents never had to take me anywhere. I'm still like this. Don't know how I ended up with kids who are so into performing and spend so much time out in the world; it would make me crazy.


I was that kid too!

[Closeacademy]

I find that we we have too many activities I get cranky and become a mean mom. With plenty of downtime or time to just play at home I can be the kind of mom I like being--happy and comforting, imaginative and fun.

Right now we are only doing activities on Friday when we don't do school. This is our library, playdate, enrichment day. We don't even do Wednesday Church because it messes with bedtime routines too much.

I am thinking about letting my oldest do basketball in the fall but it is 1 day a week and I believe it is on a Saturday morning. She would like to do softball this summer but I know I can't handle a 2 to 3 night commitment for a 2nd grader.

As far as sleepovers-not happening with my dc. Too much can happen at those things. Now, they do get to have sleepovers with Grandma once in a while but it is just Grandma.

[CleoQc]

I guess I'm the opposite.
The kids have their downtime during the school day, and they're full of energy by the end of the day.
So they have LOTS of outside activities.

for my 7yo daughter: Brownies, swim&gym, highland dancing, violin, competitive gymnastics (9 hrs/wk), catechism.

for my 10yo boy: swim team (3hrs/wk), swim&gym, highland dancing, violin, synchro swimming (3hrs/wk), theater, ballet, catechism.

That's where they meet other kids. Otherwise they'd be too isolated.

[Jenny in Florida]

. . . several years of experience with my kids has taught me that they are much, much happier when they are busy. And, as tired as I may be after running them all over town, it is at least a good tired, instead of exhaustion born of coping with miserable children at home.

I should note, probably, that I'm talking about both of my kids, even though the older one is not home this year. It's been funny to watch from a distance as she continues the same patterns at college, never happy unless she's got "too much" to do.

My son is a very energetic and social being. He always has been. It's just part of his personality. For several years, we struggled periodically with the question of whether he would be better off in school, just so that he would have other people to learn from and be with each day. What we kept coming back to, though, was the certain knowledge that no school we had ever heard of could accomodate his academic needs as well as I can at home. So, the compromise in our case has been to allow him to participate in LOTS of outside activities. Currently, he's doing: piano lessons, boychoir, ballet/tap/jazz (a total of five classes per week), drama/musical theatre class, Sunday school, model rocket club, plus assorted productions associated with the various organizations. The combination gives him somewhere to go and something to do (sometimes more than one) pretty much every day.

For me, I just consider it part of the price I pay for having the kids I have. They are bright and vibrant and energetic and passionate, and I wouldn't want them any other way. And I've found that my son's academic work--both in terms of quality and in terms of his attitude about doing it--have improved so much this year that it is well worth what we invest. So, do I grumble a bit about the wear and tear on both me and our car? Sure. But it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make to allow my kids to grow into their best and happiest selves.

--Jenny

[LisaK in VA]

We are in the "limited activities" group.

My husband & I both work full time (I work FT from home, plus we have a retail store I often have to work evenings). I just can't handle all of the to & fro -- and with 4 children, it can quickly get out of hand.

So, as far as activities go, we have scouts/Heritage Girls on Monday night. We start family swimming at the end of this month, and are making that THE children's sporting activity. If there are other activities that can be scheduled around dh and/or my "Y" time, they can participate in those. We also have piano lessons 1x a week (everyone on the same day).

I'd love to let my boy play baseball, soccer, take the girls to gymnastics or ballet -- I just can't handle it and be the kind of mommy I want to be.

[pixelroper]

we banned sleepovers unless a circumstance makes it inevitable. A sleepover here & a sleepover there, then it snowballed into sleepover requests almost daily...dd was angry with my 'NOs' all the time etc. As time went on my dd expected it and her friends were calling constantly. I also noticed the late night resulting from the sleepover affected behavior and subsequently the girls' relationships, arguing, bickering... What a pain the behind...in short, I banned the sleepover and have heard very little objection since.

I (hermit tendancies) am very stingy with our quiet family life, we do have activities, we space them out and pick and choose depending on how bad we want to do them. The lessons out of home can get out of hand- more than 2 or 3 seems to lead into schedule conflicts that are physically impossible. I have no idea how some families juggle this with out going nuts- some do- not me AND I have only one child.

Yes to just about everything: we try to- cook together, eat together, pray together, clean the house together- and since I need my space- quiet time for everyone is also respected.

[Rebecca in VA]

"Activities are more important than schoolwork" is her motto. She does piano, violin (a new activity), art class, Keepers at Home, ballet 5x per week, and Tapestry of Grace club. She has made friends with every girl in the neighborhood and wants to be with "the kids" constantly. I've thought about putting her in school, but she really is better off learning at home.

My 16-year-old son was never very social before this year, but he has become involved in moot court at school and is senior patrol leader at Scouts. His activities are in opposite directions from his sister's. My husband takes him everywhere, and I take my daughter everywhere. Often days go by before we get a chance to sit down and chat!

[jdolembo]

I want the kids to be well rounded, and involved in activities with other kids, but I try to get them involved in things that we can do as a family, so that we aren't all in different places. My son, daughter and I all do ballroom dancing, and we can go to a group class together, dance with different people, but see each other during breaks. Also, I run in races, so they come to the races, and run in the fun runs. Other than church, they are mostly involved in dance, and I get to have some adult time with other moms, while I wait form them at their dance classes (other than ballroom).

[Kalah]

I'm more like Cleo. We have our down time in the afternoon. Mornings from 9 to 12 are school time. Lunch at noon then finish up school for no more than an hour. When not schooling (for my kindy boy that's most of the time) they play. No TV or computers, just play.
We treat our afternoon commitments as family time. The boys take different tae kwon do classes spaced an hour apart. That gives us time to head to a nearby park for a picnic dinner. Soccer nights are spent as a family too. We're busy 5-6 afternoons a week but it doesn't seem overwhelming. And we have a standing playdate every Friday.
These activities are our social and PE times. We enjoy them and are looking to add a chess class for Huck in the future. In summer, the boys will take swimming instead of soccer.
And we get together with other families on the weekends to hang out.
I love homeschooling because my kids can be in several activities without feeling harried. It would be much harder if the kids were in PS or if I had a larger brood.
As it is, life is good!

[Karin]

We've done various levels of activities over the years, and are somewhere in the middle. My kids get a lot of time at home, but my girls are swimming on a swim team, and while it's not the most intense league (that would be $4000 per year around here), it's still a number of nights per week. But it's close, the library is virtually next door and if they don't do anything they would go stir crazy. Also, I have one who dances.

But we don't drive far to our activities as a rule, so we don't spend a lot of time travelling. My kids get plenty of time to think, do nothing or something, etc. I think having time to think is precious and hard to get if you have a hyperactive lifestyle.

As for sleepovers, we've done that almost never. Once a friend came over and once my neice when they were in town. For one thing, my kids need their sleep, and for another dh's family never did them and he's not interested in all the noise, etc involved.

[WendyK]

I wanted to post a similar question myself on this board. I come across a lot of homeschoolers who claim to "never be home". I started feeling like I must be one heck of a huge dud because I don't like going out every single day all day long. We do get out and my son has activities, but our schedule isn't anywhere near as crazy as others I hear about. And then I wonder, when does one have time to do "school" or even read a book?

So, you are not alone. And I totally see the value in downtime and not being overscheduled.

[Jenny in Florida]

In response to the question about when busy kids have time to do school or read a book, I just wanted to make it clear that most of the activities my son participates in happen in the afternoons or evenings. He does his schoolwork during more or less normal school hours--between 9:30 and 2:00-ish--but is done in plenty of time to go out and do other things later in the day.

And he reads a lot, too. Sure, most of it happens in the car on the way to and from activities, but it does happen.

--Jenny

[Donna]

For us it is not a matter of how much time an activity is "costing us" but more, how much the kids enjoy them. I figure, their down time and home time are during the school day...they are generally finished all school work by about 1pm give or take so they have most of the afternoon to have fun and be creative.

That being said, when they were little, I would never have imagined our life being as scheduled as it is now. My oldest ds is a very competitive wrestler or that has meant finding him the best coaching I can and driving him more days of the week than I would have if he had ended up being marginal. It also means weekend tournaments.

My dd has ended up having amazing talent in violin which I would never have imagined which has meant finding her the best teacher I could and having to drive twice as far plus adding in another teacher to supplement her with fiddle that she loves.

I feel music is important so all 3 have music lessons and the boys love martial arts so all 3 and I do taekwondo and the boys do judo. I think eventually the taekwondo will be dropped for lack of time but right now I instruct and it is my stress relief/exercise.

I do treasure the nights we end up with nothing to do but there is no way I could take from my kids the activities they love. They are social kids and need to be around other kids and their activities have given them means of finding friends with like interests which they may not have found if looking in academic circles.

[WendyK]

In response to the question about when busy kids have time to do school or read a book, I just wanted to make it clear that most of the activities my son participates in happen in the afternoons or evenings. He does his schoolwork during more or less normal school hours--between 9:30 and 2:00-ish--but is done in plenty of time to go out and do other things later in the day.

And he reads a lot, too. Sure, most of it happens in the car on the way to and from activities, but it does happen.

--Jenny Yes. I really have met people who are "never" home though. Just today we took a field trip to learn about maple sugaring. Now the actual program took 45 minutes or so. But with all of the getting everyone ready, driving there (getting lost, and it was far), and then getting back, it killed at entire day. And although we learned something, it wasn't THAT much..KWIM? Some people do these sorts of field trips several times a week and claim to learn all they need to learn through them. Maybe they do. But honestly, with all of the effort involved with getting there it wasn't really worth it if I'm being dead honest. I guess that is the kind of overly scheduled and busy I am talking about.

[pixelroper]

Yes. I really have met people who are "never" home though. Just today we took a field trip to learn about maple sugaring. Now the actual program took 45 minutes or so. But with all of the getting everyone ready, driving there (getting lost, and it was far), and then getting back, it killed at entire day. And although we learned something, it wasn't THAT much..KWIM?
exactly...as I said earlier we pick and choose-
when I first started hsing, a bunch of us got together for these day trips, didn't take long before I started feeling like I do when I visit someone who is near fun stuff- I always get back from those trips exhausted from the 'let's go see it!' routine and then struggle to remember what it was we even did:confused:- if I didn't have photos to remind me I might never even remember where I've been:huh:(scary!). This is why the 'less is more' approach fits better for me, going for quality instead of quantity. Now I can sit in front of that painting at the gallery and contemplate (at least until my dd gets bored). Maybe I'm just getting old:eek:. Oh well.

[Jenny in Florida]

Oh, I agree about field trips. We decided several years ago--I think my daughter was about 8 or 9?--that such outings really didn't qualify for us as "educaitonal." They were fun, and good social opportunities, but my kids always learn a lot more when we go to museums and such on our own. They are usually much more interested in actually paying attention and in reading all the signs and so on than other kids, and it's just pointless to try and do that in a group.

We did those things when the kids were little, but don't anymore. In fact, we don't even belong to a homeschool group of any kind, because we haven't found one that was worth the time and effort. That's one of the major reasons my kids have done so many organized activities over the last few years: It gives them opportunities to be with other people and get out of the house while actually learning something (which both of mine generally consider necessary).

--Jenny

[dfrecore]

First thing - sleepovers - no can do! It's too much work, and totally annoying to my husband. So, we'll wait until they're older (teenager, I'm thinking). MAYBE!

As for activities, we have found that too many activities is stressful, too few is boring (my kids' words). So, I try to figure out things that they can do that won't take me too far away, to limit driving. And, things that they can do together (they're 20 months apart, so that's easy - they take Karate together 2 days a week). If I schedule something like swim lessons, which are across town, then I do it 2 or 3 days a week, and we do it for a short period of time (4 or 6 weeks, once a year). We also do soccer, so it gets a little busy in the fall, with both kids playing & husband coaching a team. But, they love it, so it's worth it. We also have options on classes to take at school (we're in a public charter), so we have classes there.

That being said, I have a few ironclad rules.
#1 - Mondays are pajama day! Yes, we spend most of the day in PJ's. We don't run errands, we don't take classes, we don't do ANYTHING! It's my day to catch up if we had a busy weekend, to do laundry, to straighten up the house, etc.

#2 - Fridays are fun days. We do our daily schoolwork in the morning (just the minimum), then in the afternoon, we try to do something fun - park days, museums, whatever comes up. We also meet with friends for an informal co-op 2x a month on Fridays, where we also strive for balance. We have specific things for them to do (science kits, crafts, a game, etc.), but it doesn't take up the entire time, so they have plenty of time to run around and play.

#3 - nothing happens in the morning except breakfast & schoolwork. If we have a dentist appointment at 10am, it's a guarantee that NOTHING productive will get done that day! I'm not sure why, but we just can't figure out how to come back home after a morning out and buckle down (my kids are young, so that may be part of it). So, I just don't schedule anything for mornings (classes, appointments, errands, etc.).

I also normally don't overschedule our weekends. As a matter of fact, many, many weekends, we have NO PLANS whatsoever! Not that if something comes up, we can't do it. I just refuse to commit to 3 birthday parties in 1 weekend, no matter whose they are. Even family can't make me feel guilty for this!

I have many friends who are constantly on the go, but I've found that none of us are happy if we don't spend enough time at home. I've also found that if I can do laundry, run errands, grocery shop, whatever, during our afternoons, then our weekends are just more pleasant for everyone. My husband especially appreciates this. Weekends are strictly for fun, family time.

Don't feel guilty for doing what feels right for your family and yourself. Everyone is different, everyone's "homebody quotient" is different, everyone reacts differently to time spent in a car.

Danika