I just cannot fall asleep without a fight...

[Kelli in TN]

when my husband is out of town.

I took my melatonin. I took a warm shower. I have tried to convince myself to fall asleep.

I just can't do it.

I am thinking we won't make church tomorrow.

[Natalieclare]

Arg, it's so frustrating to be stuck awake when you want to sleep. I have a hard time putting myself to bed when my dh is out of town, but I have a worse time when I know he will be home very late. For example, if he has to work until 12 or 1, there is no way I can make myself go to bed before he gets home. But if he is gone the whole night, I can make myself go to bed a smidge earlier.

Here's my insomnia cure: breathe in for 2 counts, then out for 4. Breathe in for 3 counts and out for 6. Go as high as you can. Once you have the rhythm down, then practice reciting long portions of something you have memorized. For me, it's been 1 Cor 13 or Eph 3 or Phil 2 and so forth. But I think poetry would work as well. This rhythmic breathing and busying my brain with something that doesn't require thought always helps me.

Here's hoping you get some peace tonight.:grouphug:

[RebeccaC]

My boys and dh are at a BSA rocket camp and the house is just way too quiet. I can't sleep when they are gone :ohmy: Don't know what to do with myself so I just wonder round the net. Maybe I'll go throw a flick in and :lurk5:

Just let in ya know you aren't the only lonely tonight :grouphug:

[Kelli in TN]

My boys and dh are at a BSA rocket camp and the house is just way too quiet. I can't sleep when they are gone :ohmy: Don't know what to do with myself so I just wonder round the net. Maybe I'll go throw a flick in and :lurk5:

Just let in ya know you aren't the only lonely tonight :grouphug:

Ah, mine is at Cub Scout something or other. It is my 8 year old's first Cub Scout overnighter. He was so excited!

[gardenschooler]

Awww, how sweet. I hate to go to bed without a good fight, too. http://www.33smiley.com/smiley2/emotions/happy/5.gif

Just kidding! No, really, I think that's sweet that you can't sleep without him. Doesn't help you much now, does it?

[RebeccaC]

Awww, how sweet. I hate to go to bed without a good fight, too. http://www.33smiley.com/smiley2/emotions/happy/5.gif

Just kidding! No, really, I think that's sweet that you can't sleep without him. Doesn't help you much now, does it?

:lol::rofl: I don't know why but I just about busted a stitch when I read this!!!!!

[Kelli in TN]

Just kidding! No, really, I think that's sweet that you can't sleep without him. Doesn't help you much now, does it?


Not really:001_huh:!!

[KAR120C]

I just can't do it.
When DH is out of town is the only time the TV in our bedroom gets any use... I put it on something relatively boring and set the sleep timer for 2 hours, and just watch until apparently I fall asleep (always before the sleep timer shuts it off). Before we had a TV in our room I did the same thing with the radio on NPR (it's the BBC World News at that time of night)... only when DH is out of town it's frequently out of the country... and world news isn't exactly relaxing!! eek!

Normally when I can't sleep, Natalieclare's advice about occupying your brain with something that doesn't require thought is my standard cure -- Sudoku, or a book I've read a million times before, or counting slowly in my head... But when DH is out of town I think I'm extra-distractable, or just extra-anxious, and I need something "bigger". Still has to be without thinking though, hence the boring TV. :D

Works for kids too! I babysat a young friend of ours when her parents had to go out of town suddenly for a family emergency and she was understandably off-kilter and had trouble sleeping.... so I let her watch either Food Network (which she found dreadfully boring! LOL) or any of the home improvement shows on HGTV. Within five or ten minutes in each case she was so bored and distracted from her anxiety that she went back to bed and fell asleep immediately.

[Doran]

when my husband is out of town.

I took my melatonin. I took a warm shower. I have tried to convince myself to fall asleep.

I just can't do it.

I am thinking we won't make church tomorrow.


What is it about his absence that triggers your insomnia? Do you feel afraid for yourself? For him? Just a creature of habit and therefore disliking the change of routine? What are you thinking about?

I rarely have trouble falling asleep, but often awaken in the night, feel my brain kick on, and can't go back to sleep. If I get up (which, I rarely do, btw), read a book (NOT the computer -- no!!!!!!!) that's not a energy booster, maybe have some hot tea, my brain will eventually get it and remember that we're all supposed to be sleeping. But, I have to give it some time, without worrying over the fact that I'm not sleeping.

Also, I find if I exercise that day, I'm better able to sleep that night.

Doran

[Kelli in TN]

What is it about his absence that triggers your insomnia? Do you feel afraid for yourself? For him? Just a creature of habit and therefore disliking the change of routine? What are you thinking about?



I think I am a bit more anxious when he is not here. Not really afraid, but anxious.

He called me at 7:00 am, all bright and cheery. "Are you getting ready for church?" I pretended like I could not hear him for the bad cell phone connection.

[Mama Lynx]

when my husband is out of town.

I took my melatonin. I took a warm shower. I have tried to convince myself to fall asleep.

I just can't do it.

I am thinking we won't make church tomorrow.

Me either.

And my husband is about to be out of town for a month:eek:

Traditionally, the kids and I end up on a bad schedule, with Mom sleeping from 3 am - 10 am.

It is definitely an anxiety issue for me.

[Kelli in TN]

Me either.

And my husband is about to be out of town for a month:eek:

Traditionally, the kids and I end up on a bad schedule, with Mom sleeping from 3 am - 10 am.

It is definitely an anxiety issue for me.

I do not know how women get through that. I guess I could if I had to, but I don't know how I would do it. We were only separated like that once, years ago, when he had to go to D.C. for training when he was first hired for his job. I think it was about 3 weeks. It was a much longer three weeks for me than him. After all he was busy learning essential things like "don't wear bright colored polyester suits to federal court" and "officers of the court cannot take part in political demonstrations". And in his off time he got to tour D.C. and have fun.

I was just taking care of his children and being lonely at night.


and besides....that's a whole month without....never mind

[Whisperlily]

At first when my husband was deployed, it was hard. Some nights I'd snag a child and have them snuggle up next to me. ;) Sometimes listening to their breathing was soothing enough that I could relax and fall to sleep easier.

[Kelli in TN]

At first when my husband was deployed, it was hard. Some nights I'd snag a child and have them snuggle up next to me. ;) Sometimes listening to their breathing was soothing enough that I could relax and fall to sleep easier.

That puts my whining in perspective doesn't it? I don't know how you do it.

[Whisperlily]

That puts my whining in perspective doesn't it? I don't know how you do it.


Aack! That's totally not what I meant!

The first day, then week, then month are the hardest. So, it's probably much harder for you to sleep without your DH when he's gone a day or two than it was for me after the first wave had passed.

It's the same with handling kids alone. The first month is a MONSTER, and those who deal with short business trips will know just what I mean. After that, it becomes routine.

Even now that he's back, he was gone for a week/training and everything fell apart and he had to be called back home.

[Kelli in TN]

Aack! That's totally not what I meant!




Oh, I didn't take it that way at all! I was sort of saying it to myself!

[jail warden]

My dh used to be on 2nd shift and I had a hard time falling asleep too. He's going back to 3rd shift this week and I'm not looking forward to that. I have a hard time falling asleep without someone next to me. So I understand.:grouphug: Hopefully he's back tonight!

[Colleen]

I'm sorry you had a bad night, Kelli. Some of my friends are like that and most of them never lived on their own before getting married. I wonder if that plays a factor?

[Needleroozer]

I'm sorry you had a bad night, Kelli. Some of my friends are like that and most of them never lived on their own before getting married. I wonder if that plays a factor?

It doesn't here. I have always dealt with insomnia, even when on my own, but it is just so much worse when the big, snoring, cover-hogging lump is gone. Why is this? Honestly, I really dislike having to share a bed with dh (with anyone!) so you think it would be a treat to have the whole bed to myself.

Dh just left today for a full week, and I have no idea how I will make myself sleep.
LB

[finding_sanctuary]

Ugh. I sooo understand this one.

Dh works away from home. His average for the last year is 3.5 hours away. Right now, it's closer to 4 hours. We've just in the last few months crossed from "more time at home than away" to "more time away than at home," counting from our wedding almost 5 years ago. If you count from our formal engagment, well, the tally starts to get depressing.

Dh has been gone out on a new job since Feb. 29, and I haven't slept well since. You'd think I'd be doing better by now and settling into a routine, but I'm not. I'm coming up on 2.5 straight weeks of broken sleep, complete with vivid nightmares (normal, but not usually so often). By the time Dh comes home again for a visit (Mar. 26 we close on our new house, and he'll be here to sign the paperwork) I'll just have gotten into a new sleep schedule. The two nights home will throw me off, and then he'll be leaving again until mid-April and the end of the job. Sometimes it feels like I just can't win. I can't sleep when he's gone, but then I get used to it. Then he comes home, and I can't sleep with him here. This is about how it feels right now: :banghead:

Anyway, all that to say, I understand. And I didn't realize how much I needed to vent about it until I started typing.

My tricks for sleeping better, a combination of which usually sends me off to snoozyland:

-- hot shower with a relaxing scented body wash! Of course, I have a horribly wasteful massaging setup in my shower (Dh designed it...ah, what joy to have a plumber/pipefitter for a husband :D ) When I'm really tired but can't sleep, I crank up the body sprays and give myself a few minutes of luxury at 108*. When the perpetual knots in my shoulders loosen up, it really ups my ability to fall sleep.

-- TAZO Calm tea with a bit of honey. Brew, inhale, drink, repeat. One to two cups does it for me. Anything chamomile-based is just as good, and mint makes it better.

-- goodnight phone calls!! (This one is surprisingly effective.) Whenever possible, Dh and I make sure to talk on the phone before bed; even if it means less time to sleep, it means more quality sleep, and sometimes it's the only contact we'll have in a day. I make a point of going to bed after I hang up, even if the laundry is piled up and the sink is full of dishes needing washing. It ends my day on a positive, relationship-affirming note, and that helps me to sleep better.

-- Write. When all else fails and just can't sleep, I write a story in my head. When I was a child, my control-freak mother didn't approve of my reading and writing all the time, so I created an entire fantasy world in my head that she couldn't touch. As I've gotten older, I've developed this world and created an entire timeline of tales. Somewhere in my garage, I have a box full of maps, outlines,character sketches, rough drafts, you name it. Most of the work, though, and most of the best stories, are still in my head. And when I can't sleep, I work on them.
The point isn't so much the story, as it is stepping away from my daily concerns and worries. I can lay in bed for hours tossing and turning, running the events from the day through my head and playing "what if?" for everything that went wrong, or I can choose to let that go and write for a while. Usually, within a scene or two, I'm gone and I don't even realize it until the next morning.

Admittedly, these aren't working for me very well right now. (Thus why I'm typing this at 11:30 at night, when my crashtime is usually 9:30.) Sometimes, I just can't sleep. That's when I pick up that book I've been dying to read but haven't found time for, and I read until I can't keep my eyelids up. Then I pass out, get up an hour or so after my usual time, and declare the day a holiday.

--Angela, who's trying to imagine how much worse things will be come May, when Dh heads off to Alaska for a 4-year job of 6 weeks on, 1 week off :blink:

[amary]

I have the same problems. Since you mentioned church, I assume you are Christian. I ask Michael the archangel to send angels at each outer corner of our house to guard it and keep problems away and I ask Jesus to wrap his arms around me and I imagine him doing that. It works for me.