Is there anything he ISN'T good at? [Archive] - The Well-Trained Mind Forums (aka Hive Mind)

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babysparkler

11-01-2009, 09:12 AM

My question for you more experienced Moms, "How do you know what to invest your time, money, & effort in (in terms of giving them the opportunity to grow their gifts, desires, talents) when they have SO MANY things they are great at and enjoy?" He excels in academics, chess, sports, art, music... the list just doesn't end. He can do it all, and wants to do it all, but will it burn him out to do it all? I could see him "winning scholarships" to college someday for everything from soccer, to art, to academics... it is hard to know what to encourage at this young age. And so far as it has been up to him, he really DOES do it all right now... but will that really be able to last forever?

KAR120C

11-01-2009, 10:32 AM

He excels in academics, chess, sports, art, music... the list just doesn't end. He can do it all, and wants to do it all, but will it burn him out to do it all? I could see him "winning scholarships" to college someday for everything from soccer, to art, to academics... it is hard to know what to encourage at this young age. And so far as it has been up to him, he really DOES do it all right now... but will that really be able to last forever?
If he's enjoying it (and you're not running yourself ragged -- that counts!) then I wouldn't worry about burnout. If he stops enjoying it, then you'd let him back off. Whether it will last forever or not is hard to tell. DS was absolutely devoted to tap dance for a few years, and then kind of went lukewarm on it. So we stopped. After a year's break he tried it again and found it didn't really catch his interest the way it used to, and that was that. He really was quite good at it, but what really mattered was whether he enjoyed it. Right now he's really enjoying rock climbing, and we put as much effort into that as we did for tap only in this case his enjoyment and ability are not as matched -- he finds rock climbing very challenging where he found dance very easy. But he enjoys it and it's good exercise.

I think I would let him do as much as you can let him (money wise, time wise) and when choices have to be made let them be his, within reason. Either he'll start to specialize on his own (especially as the kids get older, activities can get more competitive and demanding of time), or you'll have more academic priorities and he'll have to make some decisions.

I think the only time you'd have to worry about long term problems would be if he ended up in a committment that could long outlast his interest. I don't think pursuing an interest until you're done with it and ready to move on is a problem, but finding you're not interested and having to face a whole year of continuing anyway could be.

Just so you know where I'm coming from, there are things we require of DS whether he likes them or not, but within those requirements we give him a lot of choices. So for instance we've always required swimming as a safety issue, but his choice of whether to do lessons all year or just in the summer, and whether to join the swim team. And we've always required "something creative and something active" but he chooses what. When there's something he absolutely loves he might end up with more than one creative or active pursuit, but even if he doesn't love it he needs to do something.

StephanieZ

11-01-2009, 02:03 PM

I try and try to remind myself and dc that by saying yes to one thing there *is* something else you are saying no to. Whether that is some other activity, or simply time to relax and ponder the sky. . . Life is always like this. I try to model this decision making behavior and discuss it with dc regularly, as I am very vulnerable to taking on too much myself.

My oldest is the one who *loves everything* and is good at nearly everything. I have winnowed her activities over time, but it is hard to do for the oldest b/c there is nothing she doesn't want to keep doing once she tries it. A move when she was 7 helped me winnow the field by simply not finding new ballet, new ice skating, new gymnastics, or a new scout troop. If we hadn't moved, it would have been *much* harder.

Now, for all the dc, I simply try to spread activities out that are conducive to it. I.e., we only do spring soccer (not summer or winter camps and not fall league); we only do swim lessons one session per year (or less) and don't do any teams; etc. I think long and hard before enrolling a dc in a new activity. . . It took me a couple years to decide to allow ds to do cub scouts; a couple years to decide to enroll littlest dd in ballet; etc. I avoid weekly co-ops/classes/etc unless I am sure it is "worth the time" (and money).

For my dc, I focus on giving our time to activites that either enrich them intellectually, emotionally, socially, etc. and I try to choose activities that will have a life-time benefit. I.e, I pick soccer, swimming, and skiing as our sports b/c those are activities that many/most people can and will enjoy for a lifetime (as opposed to more obscure more formal, team-dependent sports).

Since we homeschool, I also try to choose activities that provide them with opportunities to build friendships. I organized dd12's bookclub for the purpose of making friends. I allowed ds10 to join the scout troop b/c the leaders are friends and several of the boys in the troop are hs friends. Both of these activities are modest time commitments but provide the child with opportunities to build quality friendships with good kids in a healthy environment.

Soooo, for my dc, our priorities for routinely scheduled ongoing activities are:

+ school and music for all
+ twice monthly science gatherings and once monthly history gatherings with 4 other kids (2 families) that are using same/similar materials as we are this year. I organize these gatherings and lead them. The purpose was to motivate our individual studies, share my skills, and enjoy time with good friends. (We did something similar last year with a different family.)

+ a monthly book blub for dd12,
+ scouts for ds10

dd7 tried ballet but didn't like it much (first ever for any of my kids!) so we dropped it after a single season/session. We'll try again in a year or so with art or dance classes, as those are her favorite activities.

At any given time of the year, we have one other seasonal structured activity. Ie., this year we have weekly swim lessons for the fall; ski club in the winter, and soccer in the spring.

Even limiting our regular commitments in the music realm is a challenge, as dd12 (& ds10 to some extent) is/are getting a bit out of hand with multiple instruments and more and more opportunites. I say NO to many, many excellent opportunities just b/c there is only so much time in a day/week/lifetime. I held off on orchestra commitments until last year for my oldest, and now am finding that I have to start saying no again, as I noticed that there is a week in December when dd12 has 5 harp gigs or rehearsals in a week for 3 different performances -- two (different) orchestra concerts, one dinner music commitment, and two extra rehearsals that week for the concerts. . . and some other weeks aren't a lot better. These are *great* things to do, but one must make choices!!!!!!!

So, I feel your pain. I keep telling myself and my dc that they have to get used to making choices b/c . . . if you are gifted with the ability to excel in so many things, you have the burden of choosing your road/destination/goals. . .

I don't want them to close important doors if they are still not sure how important it is to them (i.e., I am still going along with dd12's continued study of classical violin, classical harp, old time fiddle, as well as her acquisition of a mandolin, experimenting with a bass, wanting a banjo . . . But, I might let her buy her own banjo with money she's earned playing harp. . . All this b/c I realize that she is still very young and simply hasn't found her heart's preference for musical instrument/style/etc and I don't want to force it. . .) But, for instance, ice skating or gymnastics. . . I have no desire to encourage my dc to become gifted in these areas, (nor have any of them shown particular gifts in these areas) so I wouldn't sign them up for anything in those realms unless there were a compelling social reason (all the best friends. . .) and in that case something else social would have to "give". . .

Good luck with this!!!! As you can tell, I am in the same boat, seemingly without a paddle, lol.

JenneinAZ

11-01-2009, 03:07 PM

Amy1k

11-01-2009, 03:28 PM

Guhh. I don't know. One of my children is a gifted athlete. We try to give him all the opportunities that we can. He's fairly new to organized sports compared to other children his age (he's turning 12 in January)...he had never played anything until 3 years ago (many of the kids he plays with, especially in baseball, have been playing since preschool). Anyway, I nearly cried last year when he tried out for a select basketball team after never having played before and was chosen to play on the team. But, he's a happy, well-adjusted kid and I don't see burn-out anywhere on the horizon. Right now he plays baseball 10 months of the year, football for four and basketball for 2.

That was a bit of a ramble. I *do*notice that kids naturally start to drop some things in favor for others. Many of by son's friends this year are doing that in order to focus on baseball only, as baseball can be a sport that "requires" a lot of commitment in order to play competitively at higher levels.

Amy1k

11-01-2009, 03:32 PM

I want to mention that my child works pretty hard to help me out with things around the house in order to make up for the time I spend driving him around and waiting at his various practices. He knows that our family sacrifices a great deal in order for him to do these things. Also, I DO want to encourage him to be out there making friends as he feels a little left out due to being home-schooled.

WendyK

11-01-2009, 05:34 PM

I guess I am just a mean mommy on this front. My kids are good at lots of things. They want to do lots of things. *I* can't cope with that level of activity. *I* can't handle being around people or driving or even the stress of being on time somewhere that often. I just can't. And the bad side effects of an overwhelmed and stressed out Mommy are far worse than the effects of missing out on the classes.

We do recorder class (for dd11), piano (for ds9) and piano (for ds5). And we go to a weekly park day. That is it.

They would like to do more. They would be good at more. But for us less is more.

I feel the same. This year I have really pushed my limit and I'm feeling it.

One thing that helps me decide is convenience of getting to a place, and cost. I pick the places I know aren't going to kill me to get to in bad weather or when I'm tired (dance classes are literally down the street).

I also want a good value. If I spend money and time on something I want to feel like my son is getting something valuable out of it. This year I signed up for a bunch of homeschool science classes at a museum. Unfortunately, I don't feel like they are worth the effort. I don't think we will do that again next year.

I chose a homeschool group that is no nonsense. They meet once a week and the activities are meticulously planned out. I have tried other groups where I have put effort in to find that half the people never showed up. I'm done with wasting my time, money, and effort.

My son isn't old enough to know for sure what he wants. He really will do anything I sign him up for. Perhaps when he is older and settles on something he really likes then I can determine if it is worthwhile. For now, I really do consider my sanity when deciding.

katilac

11-02-2009, 09:36 AM