Am I the only one who wants to pull her hair out when cooking with children?

[melissel]

I always hear these great stories about how much fun people have cooking with their kids, and how you should involved your kids in the cooking so they're more likely to eat the food, etc. But inevitably, cooking with them makes me want to scream and banish them to their rooms. Between the multiple requests to stick their fingers in everything, or smell every ingredient, or argue over whose turn it is to pour something...I just want to cook in peace! I feel like this makes me such a crummy mom! Should I be trying harder, or am I missing some trick?

[Whisperlily]

It's not for everybody. ;) Maybe it's not your special *thing* and that's okay.

When I have my kids cook with me, I start with things they CAN stick their fingers in... things I don't mind if they don't turn out quite right.

Cookies and brownies, where all they have to do is mix or pour at first.

Wait until they're competent and patient enough to tackle harder tasks. Give them guidelines... "I'm making X. You can help me by peeling the onions... or measuring the milk... or stirring this to make sure it doesn't stick.

OH! and importantly... ONE child at a time. :D

[j.griff]

I do NOT cook with my kids. Every now and then I lose my mind and let them "help" me bake a cake- they pour ingredients into the mixer. It. Ain't. Purty. And It. Ain't. Fun. :o There are just some people who can do this type of thing with kids, and then there are people like me, who should NOT attempt to do so. It doesn't result in happy memories for any of us if there are children in the kitchen while I am cooking, much less if they are trying to "help" me cook. Don't feel bad. (I can't stand doing crafts with them either- I am outnumbered, and can't prevent the glue and paint from ending up in the carpet/on the walls/etc. by myself. So, I just. Don't. Do it. :D

[kalanamak]

I always hear these great stories about how much fun people have cooking with their kids, and how you should involved your kids in the cooking so they're more likely to eat the food, etc. But inevitably, cooking with them makes me want to scream and banish them to their rooms. Between the multiple requests to stick their fingers in everything, or smell every ingredient, or argue over whose turn it is to pour something...I just want to cook in peace! I feel like this makes me such a crummy mom! Should I be trying harder, or am I missing some trick?


Wait until they are a little older. My only transgression by age 10 was having to be prompted to "clean up as you go along".

Don't tear your hair, btw, it will end up in the food.

[WendyK]

I do it because my son loves it, but it drives me bonkers to be honest. And it never fails, he ends up ruining something, dumping stuff on the floor, or what not. I really enjoy cooking and it really is more than just a task. It is a hobby. So I take it rather seriously. Maybe too seriously. LOL

[hsmom]

I love having my children involved with cooking, but that is my favorite thing to do is cook and bake. So, I love that my children want enjoy this with me.

I give them task like chopping veg. ( i have the vadilia chop wizard) so even my 3yrold can do this.

But as someone else said it is not for everyone.

[Elaine]

It's not for everybody. ;) Maybe it's not your special *thing* and that's okay.

When I have my kids cook with me, I start with things they CAN stick their fingers in... things I don't mind if they don't turn out quite right.

Cookies and brownies, where all they have to do is mix or pour at first.

Wait until they're competent and patient enough to tackle harder tasks. Give them guidelines... "I'm making X. You can help me by peeling the onions... or measuring the milk... or stirring this to make sure it doesn't stick.

OH! and importantly... ONE child at a time. :D

:iagree:

I remember not feeling the cooking together love when my boys were younger, too. Whipserlily is right, it's OK if it's not your thing.:001_smile:

My now 11 year old loves to cook and he is at the age where he understands that "mix well" does not mean fling flour everywhere because it looks pretty, kiinda like snow. ;) It will get easier.

[Elaine]

Wait until they are a little older. My only transgression by age 10 was having to be prompted to "clean up as you go along".

Don't tear your hair, btw, it will end up in the food.


:lol: You're bad!

[Janet in WA]

cooking with them makes me want to scream and banish them to their rooms.The one thing that my sons did when learning to cook that made me feel this way was lifting the mixer beaters from the batter with the mixer running, flinging batter everywhere. For some reason, they just couldn't remember to turn the mixer off before lifting the beaters.

[Jenstet]

I myself have loved the charming idea of cooking with my children. It never works for me either. I find it easier to make something easy one at a time.

It may sound mean but I pick one who needs some one on one time and they get to help mom. It usually is the odd one out that no one wants to play with that day.

We have a friend who the other day let her 6 kids and my 3 make their own pizzas. The kids grated the cheese (and a few fingernails.) She was laid back about it and the kids were so proud of their weird shaped pizzas. It really wasn't as messy as I thought it would be. They weren't measuring anything though. Maybe if you find the right thing to make with all of them and leave the regular cooking to yourself.

You are not a crummy mom if you don't like people sneezing or sticking fingers in your food.:ack2:

[Karen in CO]

Start with something that can't be ruined. I let my kids help from the time they are about 2ish. They break eggs, stir, cut up the butter with a butter knife. Simple things like that. By the time they are 6 they are ready to flip the pancakes on the griddle. Now that my middle is 7, she can bake a cake or a yeast bread from scratch and makes dinner at least once every two weeks. My oldest can cook enough to keep himself from starving, makes a better red sauce than I do, and can follow any recipe. He makes dinner once a week.

It is a long-term goal. So start with non-stressful things and little jobs that can't be ruined. I don't enjoy it, and I have to bite my tongue sometimes to not criticize - it takes longer when they help, there is more mess when they help, there will inevitably be shells in anything that has eggs, they must taste and smell everything so that they can learn about the ingredients. Tiny, clean fingers won't hurt anything.

[Natalieclare]

My mom makes great pies, but only if she is alone and only if there is lots of profanity involved.:tongue_smilie:

When we were kids, we wanted soooo badly to be able to experience the fun of making something so delicious, but my mom needed to give her full concentration to her task. We were banished from the kitchen and if our heads poking through the doorway happened to get on her nerves, we were banished from the house. Very occasionally, she would allow us to make cookies from the leftover scraps of dough and that was just heavenly.

I have worked rilly rilly hard to overcome the Pie Curse. I hated that feeling of being a nuisance for simply existing when a pie was being made. I want my kitchen to be a place people are drawn *to*, a destination, a refuge. It hasn't come easy. But I resigned myself to mess and imperfection, preferring those to alienated kids. Deep breathing was frequently practiced when I first brought my kids into the kitchen. I told my kids they were going to have to be patient with me while I learn to be easy in the kitchen, to not take it personally if I get a little stressed.

Now that my whole A team (my older grouping of kids, as opposed to the B team) is in the double digits, I am soooo grateful for the kitchen camaraderie we share.

I do have to say that the B team is getting shafted a bit with helping in the kitchen because there are more days when I want to just "get 'er done". Typing this up has made me realize that I need to make more room for the littles to enjoy that which has been so profitable for the bigs. Thanks for spurring me on!:auto:

[abbeyej]

I really *wish* I were better about cooking with my kids. They love it, and I *do* think it's important. But when it comes down to it, I just feel terribly stressed by all their "help".

Recently, dd was at friends' houses *twice* where the moms did a fabulous job of letting the kids help with the cooking, and she had such a great time. I realized that I do need to work more on this.

One thing I can suggest is to *plan* certain times when you're going to have the kids help you. Day-to-day, I'm so often trying to just *get*it*done* and I don't want to be slowed down or distracted or talk a child through everything. I also love cooking because I find it relaxing -- it's *my* time to be creative or just zone out -- and cooking with kids I really have to be "on" for them. But if I plan a time when I'm making a kid-friendly recipe and I have lots of time... They have a wonderful time, and I don't get stressed out or feel like the "me" part of cooking has been taken from me.

I just need to be better at planning those times a little more often.

I do believe it's important. My mother was great about teaching me to cook (though really, melissa, your kids are so young! waiting till they're a little older might help a lot), so by the time I was a teenager, I had no qualms about cooking totally "by ear" or following a new or complicated recipe. I knew how to prepare meals that were healthy, appealing and visually lovely. I want that for my kids too!

Sometimes though, I wish I could just pay someone *else* to cook with 'em! ;)

[Janna]

I'm so glad you posted this! I am the same way!

I just don't have the patience for this. And what's sad, is that when my children ask...beg to help, I get flashbacks of my mother who was equally impatient with me, so I say "yes, you may help" only to have the whole thing end in tears on their end and major frustration on my end. I want so badly to be unlike my mother in this area - I had to teach myself how to cook when I moved out because she just would not teach me, and whenever she was "in the mood" to teach me, I was so anti-mom that there was no way I wanted her to. I don't want this for my kids at all, and I am jealous when I see posts of people who enjoy cooking with their kids, or their kids cook a meal for the family.

It saddens me, honestly. So no, you're not alone. Sigh.

[j.griff]

Well, my oldest is proficient in the kitchen, and she really enjoys cooking. I enjoy cooking sporadically, most times it's just another chore that drags me away from what I'd rather be doing (thinking, reading, learning something more interesting than yet another way to make a cookie or bake a piece of chicken ;) ). When The Littles reach an age of reason (for DD it was around 8), they- as individuals- will be allowed to "help" with cooking some items. They have to be old enough and mature enough to understand my kitchen rules though. No one is permanently banned from the kitchen here, LOL- but it's just not fun or productive for me/the kids if The Littles are running around distracting me (I'm already scatterbrained enough in the kitchen- NOT that I can't cook, I can cook very well, I just always have so many things going on in my mind that it is a CHORE for me) from what needs to be done. That's just the way I am. It's not a bad thing, I'm just different and that's okay.
(and no, my feelings aren't hurt, I'm not taking any of your post "personally", but just felt the need to "clarify" for my own sake- I do better "clarifying" out loud, or in type ;) )

[TrixieB]

The only way my dc and I can cook together is if only one child at a time is allowed to cook with me. When they are both involved, they spend most of their time complaining about who gets to do what -- "Hey, she got to put in the flour! It's *my* turn to stir!"

So one of them will work with me to make tonight's dessert. The other one will have to wait for a different opportunity.

[Doran]

I always hear these great stories about how much fun people have cooking with their kids, and how you should involved your kids in the cooking so they're more likely to eat the food, etc. But inevitably, cooking with them makes me want to scream and banish them to their rooms. Between the multiple requests to stick their fingers in everything, or smell every ingredient, or argue over whose turn it is to pour something...I just want to cook in peace! I feel like this makes me such a crummy mom! Should I be trying harder, or am I missing some trick?


Maybe you're missing a few years. Maybe when your two year old is 5 and your five year old is 8, cooking with them won't seem as stressful. Until then, as Whisperlily suggested, see if you can arrange for them to be in there with you separately. Although, again, at their ages, it will be hard to convince one to stay away, won't it?

If you're still feeling compelled but not enthused, try asking them to help you only with the tasks that they can do efficiently. Like, licking the bowls, or greasing the pans. Little bits, over the years, will add up to lots of knowledge.

Doran

[Colleen]

Oh, now and then (rarely, to be honest) I have some little person "help" make cookies, and sometimes my older guys help cook dinner but overall, I'm not a "Let's cook with kids!" kinda gal. I think a lot of moms suffer from a guilt trip if they don't enjoy being in the kitchen with their kids. No need for that. My guys eat dinner, healthy foods and all, even if they've not been involved in the prep process. There's also a misconception that people who don't get a chance to cook when they're young will be all thumbs in the kitchen later. Nah, I know too many decent cooks ~ including a lot of guys ~ who prove that rumor false. Heck, I rarely if ever had my oldest son in the kitchen and this morning he made breakfast on his own. It's called reading a recipe, following instructions, and using common sense.:D

It's all good, really.:001_smile:

[Ellie]

My dh cooked with the dc; I avoided it if at all possible.

Happily, I was able to hide my true feelings when it came to teaching them to cook, and they are both good cooks today.

I figured it was enough that I taught them at home and read aloud to them and took them on field trips every single week and all the other gazillion things I did with them.:D

[Cornerstone Classical]

My ds always wants to help but everthing ends in a mess. For some reason he especially likes to mix the corn bread batter. I think it's cracking the egg that thrills him. The other night I snuck and made it without him knowing......He walked into the kitchen a burst out crying.:crying:

WOW! I guess he'll be the cornbread maker from now on! I'll just have to grin and bare it:001_huh:!

[Colleen]

Recently, dd was at friends' houses *twice* where the moms did a fabulous job of letting the kids help with the cooking, and she had such a great time.

My guys have had that experience, too. My 5 year old will go to his best buddy's home ~ whose mom is a good friend of mine ~ and come home all excited that they got to make cookies or whatever. And yes, part of me thinks, "Well, gosh, how sad is that that he has to go to my friend's house to do that?":( But the other part thinks, "Well, hey, isn't it great that he can go to my friend's house and do that?!":thumbup:

One thing I can suggest is to *plan* certain times when you're going to have the kids help you. Day-to-day, I'm so often trying to just *get*it*done*.

Now that's a great point. I've often told myself that I'm going to set aside a certain time once every week or two when one boy can help prepare the meal. My conviction to do that hasn't come at their request ~ though my third son would definitely like to be more involved in cooking ~ but more out of my own attempt to "do it all". But truth be told, I've yet to plan those times. I am pretty much always in "just get it done" mode. Actually, last night on the way home from soccer practice, my older two asked if they could make something from the Redwall cookbook for dinner and I just groaned. I've got one person or another doing soccer practice every single day of the week right now and four games each Saturday, so um, no...cooking a leisurely meal isn't happening.;) But I did say we'll schedule a time soon (preferably before graduation) when they can do that.

Cooking used to be relaxing and enjoyable for me, too, way back when. I miss that. Last week I took out this very involved butternut squash ravioli recipe that I used to make when I had one baby. These were the days when I lived in Switzerland, shopped in the village each day for fresh food, spent ages dreaming up meals and cooking them. Any-hoo, I threw caution to the wind and decided to make this ravioli again.

Two words: Big Mistake.:ack2:

First discovery, when buying the ingredients, was that this meal would cost a bundle. Oh, it was fine when I was feeding two people and nursing a baby. But cooking enough of this for seven people?! Good grief. Second discovery was that something which was "very involved" 12 years ago is now "very involved and a royal pain in the arse!!!!". I spent hours, literally, making the pasta, preparing the filling, yada yada yada. And during that time, I edged ever closer to taking it all, dumping it in the trash, and going to pick up some take-n-bake pizzas. But I persisted and the final result ~ ta da! ~ was...umm...okay. Kinda like...what?..oh, I know! Kinda like a really busy mother of five just tried to make gourmet butternut squash ravioli.:banghead:

C'est la vie!

[strider]

I have not found a way to mesh the two together.

I think part of the problem is that I am often, as others have mentioned, just trying to get. it. done.

I also end up frustrated with how slow things go and how messy--which is very odd, for me, because I am one who is not fazed in the least by art messes or mud.

Fortunately, my dh is wonderful at involving kids in cooking. So far, he has been the cooking teacher, and it is working well for us. Maybe at some point I will do more with dd--she has specifically asked--but right now we are focused on survival. :blink:

[Kelli in TN]

I feel the same way. I do have them join me in the kitchen, but my stress level gets really high!!!

The good news is that if you persist they get good at it and you can let them cook for you!

[melissel]

My mom makes great pies, but only if she is alone and only if there is lots of profanity involved.:tongue_smilie:

When we were kids, we wanted soooo badly to be able to experience the fun of making something so delicious, but my mom needed to give her full concentration to her task. We were banished from the kitchen and if our heads poking through the doorway happened to get on her nerves, we were banished from the house. Very occasionally, she would allow us to make cookies from the leftover scraps of dough and that was just heavenly.

I have worked rilly rilly hard to overcome the Pie Curse. I hated that feeling of being a nuisance for simply existing when a pie was being made. I want my kitchen to be a place people are drawn *to*, a destination, a refuge. It hasn't come easy. But I resigned myself to mess and imperfection, preferring those to alienated kids. Deep breathing was frequently practiced when I first brought my kids into the kitchen. I told my kids they were going to have to be patient with me while I learn to be easy in the kitchen, to not take it personally if I get a little stressed.

Thank you for this. That's exactly what I want too. I have a hard time carrying it through, though. I'll try to keep this in mind.


I just don't have the patience for this. And what's sad, is that when my children ask...beg to help, I get flashbacks of my mother who was equally impatient with me, so I say "yes, you may help" only to have the whole thing end in tears on their end and major frustration on my end.

Exactly. This is exactly what happened today, over chocolate chip cookies, of all things :(

Thank you all for the good advice and commiseration. You know, I realized several things in the post-chaos, mommy-guilt play-by-play: 1) My DD5 had just reached the stage where she actually could help me and learn while we worked together and be conscientious about what she was doing, when my DD2 started taking a HUGE interest in helping as well. I started letting her help, and yes, one young child and one toddler in the kitchen is just one kid too many (and I bet you can't guess which one :glare:); 2) I probably shouldn't have children help with cooking when I have a low blood sugar myself!

You know, I don't mind fingers in the food at all, actually. It's fielding the constant requests that drives me bonkers, and they feed off each other. If you say yes to the toddler, she'll shove her whole hand in there *sigh* She's so challenging, that one. While was finishing off making the cookies, she changed her pants (backwards), put on her boots (backwards), and headed off out the front door to go for a nature walk. I didn't even know she could OPEN the front door :001_huh:

[Crissy]

If I don't have to read aloud to my kids, you don't have to cook with yours. Agreed? http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/expressive/reading.gif (http://www.thesmilies.com)

[melissel]

And wow, there were so many more responses when I posted my reply compared with when I started typing it. I still wish I could do what Natalieclare described, but honestly, it makes me feel SOOO much better that many of you, whom I consider to be very good moms (at least, via the Internet :D LOL!) have the same problem. I'll take your advice to limit to one child at a time, give it a few years, and give myself a break. Thank you!

[melissel]

If I don't have to read aloud to my kids, you don't have to cook with yours. Agreed? http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/expressive/reading.gif (http://www.thesmilies.com)

Oh, you have a deal :thumbup1: (Actually, some days I'm not so fond of that particular responsibility either, LOL!)

[Natalieclare]

[quote=melissel;106626]And wow, there were so many more responses when I posted my reply compared with when I started typing it. I still wish I could do what Natalieclare described

:ack2: AAAAACK! I feel a little uncomfortable about the way this sounds. I'm no kitchen saint by any means...:angelsad2: I just didn't like the way I felt as a kid and I'm attempting to do things a bit differently with my kids. So, I know where I'm headed but but but the road there has LOTS of bumps. Oh yeah. :willy_nilly:

Some may choose not to take this road at all--peachy! I certainly don't think I'm a better mother than other mothers who don't choose to cook with their kids; I just like the feeling of attempting to conquer something in myself and in my heritage that was kinda negative. :cheers2:

[Janet in WA]

You know, I think that I may have had a better attitude about cooking with my sons than some of you do because I didn't look it at as their helping me cook. Instead, I helped them cook. Those may not sound like they're very different things, but they are. Rather than have my sons join me in cooking things that I'd ordinarily prepare myself, I invited them to cook something themselves, and I'd be there to coach them through it. That meant their cooking projects were age-appropriate and simple enough for them to handle with just some guidance from me. As they gained maturity and experience, their cooking became more elaborate and self sufficient. It was also more satisfying for them, I think, than just helping a little with a "grownup" cooking project.

My entire parenting philosophy was to work myself out of a job. Teaching my sons to cook was an important part of that plan.

[Janna]

You know, I think that I may have had a better attitude about cooking with my sons than some of you do because I didn't look at as their helping me cook. Instead, I helped them cook. Those may not sound like they're very different things, but they are. Rather than have my sons join me in cooking things that I'd ordinarily prepare myself, I invited them to cook something themselves, and I'd be there to coach them through it. That meant their cooking projects were age-appropriate and simple enough for them to handle with just some guidance from me. As they gained maturity and experience, their cooking became more elaborate and self sufficient. It was also more satisfying for them, I think, than just helping a little with a "grownup" cooking project.

My entire parenting philosophy was to work myself out of a job. Teaching my sons to cook was an important part of that plan.

You know, that's a wonderful perspective! Seems like such common sense - esp. because most of us here are bent on teaching our children. So why would this be different? Probably because as Abbey said, it's my time to have some down time and to enjoy what I'm doing, as I do enjoy cooking and that solitude.

BUT, I can have both worlds! You're right! If they want to learn to cook, I can have them pick a recipe they want to make and then I will help them with it, and then they'll be more likely to let me have my time when I'm cooking for them.

Huh. This could be life-altering! :)

[melissel]

[quote=melissel;106626]And wow, there were so many more responses when I posted my reply compared with when I started typing it. I still wish I could do what Natalieclare described

:ack2: AAAAACK! I feel a little uncomfortable about the way this sounds. I'm no kitchen saint by any means...:angelsad2: I just didn't like the way I felt as a kid and I'm attempting to do things a bit differently with my kids. So, I know where I'm headed but but but the road there has LOTS of bumps. Oh yeah. :willy_nilly:

Some may choose not to take this road at all--peachy! I certainly don't think I'm a better mother than other mothers who don't choose to cook with their kids; I just like the feeling of attempting to conquer something in myself and in my heritage that was kinda negative. :cheers2:

LOL! No, don't panic! It's just that the way you put it sounds very much like what I would strive for--to overcome my feelings (because what you say about how you felt as a kid is just how I imagine my girls must feel) and make working in the kitchen a happy time, with a feeling of camaraderie rather than anxiety. I love to cook, myself, and I love to provide my family with food they oooh and aaah over, and I want to share that with my girls. But I'm going to have to do some work to get there, I think. I only used you as an example because you expressed several points that really hit home with me. I'm not going to put your post up on my fridge or anything :D

[j.griff]

That's how I taught my oldest to cook, during times when *I* wasn't using the kitchen for regular meal prep, or if she wanted to make something special for dinner then we'd just get her recipe started first (cornbread, for example). I'd coach her on keeping things clean (*I* am a germophobe, and while my counters may be disgusting at times- we do NOT use those dirty surfaces to prepare food LOL, and we wash our hands very well after cracking eggs- before we touch ANYthing else) and safe, etc. I would place things in the oven for her when she was younger- our oven was in an odd location and there was no room for her to stand beside it to stick a pan in, and her arms were too short for her to reach over the oven- if she wanted I'd slide the rack out so she could place her item on it though.
But regular meal prep time, in our house, is NOT a time to include The Littles. ;)

[RebeccaC]

Should I be trying harder, or am I missing some trick?

The trick is, at least in my opinion, is to wait until they are older :toetap05: :lol: Of course this is coming from someone who hates to cook in the first place :blink:

I in my plan to be free of the drudgery of the kitchen sent my boys off to Boy Scouts and had them learn to cook there. Now they cook for me and I ask for the beaters to lick ;) or my fav omelet fillings. Plus they clean up the mess all while I surf the net:D . Them merit badges are way cool wish they had had em for cleaning the bathroom and doing laundry.

[Mekanamom]

I don't like the kids helping me cook. (At least at their current ages.) But I don't mind helping them cook. If they have a cooking project they want to do, and they need help, I am right there. (They know that clean-up is a required part of the cooking process, and they are pretty good about it.)

Otherwise...

This is what 4-H cooking classes are for!

[Jill, OK]

It's hard for me. I know they love it, but...it just goes better if they're old enough to just clean up afterwards, lol.

I think it's worked better for older kids (old enough to clean up messes) to just do it, and let me talk them through (it helps if I'm not looking--CRASH!--"Just clean it up, whatever it is...I don't want to know"), and then I just let the Littles come and help me occasionally.

One problem is...I'm a control freak. Another problem...whenever I let the littler kids get involved in 'helping' me cook, it ends up looking like an excerpt from a Marx Brothers movie (like the time that one of them lit a piece of paper on fire, from the burner), and by dinner prep time, I have a really low tolerance for that stuff. (Not that my tolerance is super high during the rest of the day, but...you get what I'm saying). It goes better when, like others have said, I plan it, and it's not something too involved.

I have one that would really, REALLY like to do more cooking, and occasionally, I feel bad that I don't let her do more, but...she's also the one that started the fire. So...the bad feeling only lasts until I remember that scene.

One day, she'll be a little more trustworthy (God willing), and then we'll move on to bigger and better things.

Now that I look back over this post...I'm not sure it's very helpful, lol, but I guess I said all that to say...no, you're not the only one. :-)

[Karin]

I always hear these great stories about how much fun people have cooking with their kids, Should I be trying harder, or am I missing some trick?

Well, when there are no kids in the room, I can cook very well. The problem is, it's very hard for me to talk and cook unless all I'm saying is what I'm doing. So my nearly 13 yo is FINALLY starting to learn to cook.

I'm serious about the talking and cooking. I start to forget important ingredients in things I make by memory, or even if there's a cookbook out.

Even more, you know how when women get together they all start pitching in in the kitchen and all know what to do? I can do this at my mother's house or mine, but put me in a "strange" kitchen and I'm lost with all that bustle.

[Colleen]

nt

[Colleen]

what I would strive for--to overcome my feelings (because what you say about how you felt as a kid is just how I imagine my girls must feel) and make working in the kitchen a happy time

Your little people are still so very little; give it time, as others have said. I answered you earlier from the perspective of, "Don't worry if you don't enjoy it; no worries". Certainly, though, if this is something you want to attain, that's a worthy goal. But keep in mind that a two year old is pretty darn young to be helping in the kitchen. Maybe focus on one at a time ~ preferably the older one at this point; set aside a time now and then when you can guide a child through an easy cooking project rather than having them both "help" at once when you just want to get from start to finish, kwim?:)

[Colleen]

Yes, you helping them rather than vice versa; I agree with you there.

My entire parenting philosophy was to work myself out of a job.

I hear that phrase now and then and I have to admit the wording strikes me as so odd...

[~Tara~]

It's not a frequent happening around here either. I, too, envision this perfect little picture of me cooking/baking and the children gleefully helping. That is so NOT what we get LOL It looks/sounds more like a war zone or something. "No, not yet" "mom can I...." "what are you doing?" "get your fingers out of there" "no, now you've licked your fingers you need to go wash your hands again" "no I'm not letting YOU do the eggs" "stir slow...." too late "that's why I said stir slowly" "would you stop fighting?" "it's his turn to measure" ................ oy

Yes, I occasionally lose my senses and give it another go. I can handle, well, sort of, the oldest 2 at once, but when they all try to come in, it can get pretty darn ugly. I'd much rather send the oldest two in on their own "knock yourselves out" They like those days. hehe They just have to work on the clean up part.

[Crissy]

Okee-doke. Reading aloud I will *never* give up! : )nt

It's one of those things I have always wished I loved, but have never, ever enjoyed. Same goes for listening to anyone read.
Letting my husband read to me? Ack! STOP!! Turn on college basketball, for goodness sake!

I did read to my children for hours a day when they were learning to read. Once they were proficient, I quit (God certainly knew my limits and gave me children who read early! :D)
I felt guilty about it for years, but I made my big public confession when the NW WA moms met at my house last fall (NicoleM was shocked. I wish you could have seen her face! http://bestsmileys.com/eek/5.gif)

Our tradition is to pile onto the master bed each night and read our own books. Unusual, yes, but it works for us, and my guys enjoy it.

[OnTheBrink]

I hate cooking with my kids. Hate it. I hated, as a child, cooking with my mother. I hate making Wednesday dinner at church (for 150ish) with anyone. Just let me get it done! It takes more out of me to explain what I want done than for me to just do it myself.

Cooking is my escape from people, so I don't want other people involved.

[j.griff]

Yep. Here's my *bright* idea, LOL. You could have 2yo in a highchair (do you still use a high chair?) in the kitchen, while you make cookies with raisins in them (or some other item that has individual ingredients you can give a bit of to the baby) and put some in a bowl for 2yo, give 2yo a mixing spoon to use to "cook" their own cookies. You could try to get everything set up ahead of time, and just let the "helper" pour the pre-measured ingredients into the mixer/mixing bowl. :) You could pretend that you are filming a show for foodnetwork (and you could REALLY film it) and that's why you have so many little bowls dirtied up. You could buy paper bowls just for that purpose too (to hold pre-measured ingredients like salt, vanilla, baking powder, etc). Have your baking sheet or cake pan or whatever dish ready. If you use Pam or something similar you can let the "helper" spray it for you. You can try to have extra ingredients set aside for 2yo to mix in with their bowl every now and then. Ooooh, yogurt would be good too, for the 2yo. Anyhoo, you get the picture. HTH

[Eliana]

I have a very Montessori-inspired approach to daily living with small children, so I disagree with those who suggest just waiting until your kids are older.

..but I wouldn't recommend just bringing them both into the kitchen to 'help' you without a game plan.

Because it was very important to us to have our children be able to participate meaningfully in the work of daily life, we tried to set things up in an accessible way, and we tried to give plan systematically to give our children the skills they needed incrementally.

I highly recommend the Michael Olaf catalog, not just for their *lovely* products, but mainly for the inspiring and practical suggestions in the text.
http://www.michaelolaf.net/

Another source for child-sized 'practical life' materials is Montessori Services:
http://www.montessoriservices.com/store/


I would start small, very small. My littlest ones start out bringing me two onions or 5 potatoes or 3 green peppers - perhaps even washing the peppers for me. They help me rinse the dishes and put them away when they are dry.

As they get a little older they prepare snack for the family, chop things (with child child-sized and child-safe litle knives), crack eggs and check them for blood spots, stir and mix, they measure things, grate things, and keep track of the time, when that is needed.

In our house this isn't about bonding (though that often happens) it is about giving our children these skills and, even more importantly, the opportunity to be part of the work of family life.

We've tried to set our children's expectations about what this participation is like - and it isn't squabbling over turns (having each child have a clear job is one way to prevent this, but I feel I shouldn't have to do that to avoid poor behavior), or playing with the food.

My eldest started 'helping' in the kitchen before she could walk, and her joy and sense of accomplishment were amazing... so much so that the memory provides inspiration to a friend's daughter now that she has had her first child.

My first memories of cooking are from when I was 2 - I got to help stir things into the bread dough and then knead my own little loaf (and add cinnamon & raisins to it I wanted!).

Then I was 3 I would make pancakes with my Dad on Sunday mornings - with my Dad it was very much about bonding, he wasn't the Montessorian my mother is.

For our family, this is an important part of raising our children...and, to be completely honest, it does involve some sacrifice. I would prefer to have the kitchen 'belong' to me and to Yitzchak... and, frankly, I like to do things myself rather than having helpers... but I believe very strongly in the importance of what we are doing, and I see how beneficial it is for my kids... and I see how my eldest girls have learned from us how to mentor younger ones in household tasks. On the purely selfish front, it is an incredible blessing to have three children capable of doing meals (from planning/shopping through cleanup) without assistance (other than a ride to the store and a means of payment).

However, it might not be such a high priority for your family - none of us can have every worthwhile activity or approach make the top ten, and if this isn't in yours, then don't try to push yourself to take on someone else's priorities! I'm sharing my passion with you in an attempt to be helpful - so you can see where I am coming from in having this in our family's life - not to make you feel bad!

[JWSJ]

Should I be trying harder, or am I missing some trick?

You're weird.

We love cooking with our children.

[gardenschooler]

You know, I think that I may have had a better attitude about cooking with my sons than some of you do because I didn't look it at as their helping me cook. Instead, I helped them cook. Those may not sound like they're very different things, but they are. Rather than have my sons join me in cooking things that I'd ordinarily prepare myself, I invited them to cook something themselves, and I'd be there to coach them through it. That meant their cooking projects were age-appropriate and simple enough for them to handle with just some guidance from me. As they gained maturity and experience, their cooking became more elaborate and self sufficient. It was also more satisfying for them, I think, than just helping a little with a "grownup" cooking project.

My entire parenting philosophy was to work myself out of a job. Teaching my sons to cook was an important part of that plan.

This is what I did. I wouldn't have them help me make dinner, but they could make a little side dish (out of a kid's cookbook or something super easy). They gradually moved on to more, but the only one here who can really cook is dh.

I'd definitely have different jobs for your 5 yr. old and your 2 yr. old. I don't think mine did much at 2 besides make a mess! http://www.33smiley.com/smiley2/emotions/happy/42.gifCould you give her some dough or something to play with (to ruin, lol) while you let your older one help you a little?

We also had a much better time baking than cooking. No standing near the stove, stirring a pot. And they can do simple things, like crack eggs (not the little one!), add the ingredients for cookies, etc.

I think young kids just want to help the same way they like to help clean, or do anything Mom is doing. Don't worry, that fades!

[Colleen]

Same goes for listening to anyone read.

I can't abide listening to others read; rarely, even, can I tolerate audio books. Funny, then, that I so enjoy reading aloud to my boys ~ and that they so enjoy it!

Our tradition is to pile onto the master bed each night and read our own books. Unusual, yes, but it works for us, and my guys enjoy it.

Now that's where I differ again. I don't want kids hangin' out on my bed!

[PariSarah]

Should I be trying harder, or am I missing some trick?

I don't--I don't--enjoy imaginary playtime with my kids. So I don't do it, pure and simple, no apologies, no regrets. I find ways to bond with them that I enjoy.

But if you do want to make cooking one of those things, yes, I think there are some tricks to it. Like Eliana, my approach was influenced by Montessori, where things appear to be a free-for-all, but in fact, everything has an invisible (to the child) but quite firm structure. It's all about limited tasks, incremental growth, and developmentally appropriate expectations.

And in the kitchen, safety factors make that structure all the more important, b/c roughhousing or wildness in the kitchen can lead to injury. (Maybe I only think this because I have a boy. Who tends to turn everything into a sports exercise. Who needed to be told, "No, you must not slam dunk food into boiling water!!!")

Anyway, so, for me, structure and limits are the key. We started when Isaac was very young, with simple, real tasks, like peeling garlic and tearing lettuce. Then measuring and mixing dry ingredients. And so on. He was expected to be very careful, very calm, and very obedient in the kitchen, esp. when I was using heat or knives. He was free to leave at any time, and he was required to leave if he couldn't or didn't care to be calm and follow directions. If I didn't have a task for him, or if he was finished everything I was willing for him to do, he could quietly watch or he could leave. (And sometimes I just had him peel garlic when I wasn't going to use it, just so that he'd have something to do.)

I just kept adding on age-appropriate tasks--had him cut things with a butter knife when he was about five (bananas, soft foods, etc.), then slightly harder things with a slightly sharper knife (mushrooms, lunchmeats, soft cheese, etc) when he was about six or seven, then using a peeler, then putting things into the oven (but not taking them out), then using the stove for non-splattery things, and so on.

I've only occasionally had to deal with two kids in the kitchen at once, and I'm even more picky about order and discipline on those occasions. I give each kid concrete, separate tasks, and try to make it so that only one of them needs my attention. If they get rowdy, they leave. And I'm free with the word "no." "No, Cousin N, I'm not ready for you to use that knife yet--it makes me too nervous. I'll tell you when I think we're both ready for that." "No, Isaac, Cousin N doesn't need your help. I'll tell him if I need him to do it differently. You do your job."

Now that Isaac has most of the basic tasks under his belt, I started to let him actually "make dinner," with me there only to supervise and lend assistance. That's been a lot of fun. He does a great job, and he clearly loves doing something so "grownup."

That's the only way I've been able to manage. I treat it like an apprenticeship, not like a fun bonding experience. I'm sure there are some mothers that love a rowdy, messy time together, but that's just not me. I hate "kids' cooking"--cupcakes and frosting and making fish-shaped tuna sandwiches and sugar cookies and those horrible silver balls. Blech. And I'm too aware of all the potential injuries lurking. So I made it a serious thing--I was letting him into a grown-up domain, and he could participate to the extent that he was able to act like a grownup. It's been wonderful, and we've both enjoyed it (so, there's actually been tons of bonding, even though I hadn't been trying to make it a fun, bonding thing), but it's only been possible because I've done it on my terms.

[AmyinPA]

I really *wish* I were better about cooking with my kids. They love it, and I *do* think it's important. But when it comes down to it, I just feel terribly stressed by all their "help".

Recently, dd was at friends' houses *twice* where the moms did a fabulous job of letting the kids help with the cooking, and she had such a great time. I realized that I do need to work more on this.

One thing I can suggest is to *plan* certain times when you're going to have the kids help you. Day-to-day, I'm so often trying to just *get*it*done* and I don't want to be slowed down or distracted or talk a child through everything. I also love cooking because I find it relaxing -- it's *my* time to be creative or just zone out -- and cooking with kids I really have to be "on" for them. But if I plan a time when I'm making a kid-friendly recipe and I have lots of time... They have a wonderful time, and I don't get stressed out or feel like the "me" part of cooking has been taken from me.

I just need to be better at planning those times a little more often.

I do believe it's important. My mother was great about teaching me to cook (though really, melissa, your kids are so young! waiting till they're a little older might help a lot), so by the time I was a teenager, I had no qualms about cooking totally "by ear" or following a new or complicated recipe. I knew how to prepare meals that were healthy, appealing and visually lovely. I want that for my kids too!

Sometimes though, I wish I could just pay someone *else* to cook with 'em! ;)

Where you do pay someone to teach your kids to cook. They have the kitchen and they clean the mess. But it's sooo expensive and the only foods they prepare are pizza and cookies. They also have birthday parties. This proves that most moms struggle with letting their kids take over the kitchen.

[*anj*]

I can't abide listening to others read; rarely, even, can I tolerate audio books. Funny, then, that I so enjoy reading aloud to my boys ~ and that they so enjoy it!

Count me in on that. I don't enjoy being read to...ever. But I very much enjoy reading aloud to others. And it's funny because sometimes dh comes home with a newspaper article that he thinks I'd like and if I'm cooking he'll offer to read it to me and I never want him to! I'd rather wait and read it myself. Conversely, if I want him to read something I'll offer to read it aloud to him (although inside I think "why would you possibly want this read aloud to you?") Anyway, he usually takes me up on it, so I guess we're in the minority, ladies.

[CalicoKat]

:iagree: it's not my thing either. However dd 9 loves to bake and it's her thingy. I started by getting cake mixes, brownie mixes that have directions with pictures that she could "read." After a couple run thoughs, I'd step out of the kitchen and let her do it by herself. The deal with cooking is that part of the fun is also the clean up--so she's learned quickly to bake without making a huge mess.

She's now advanced to from scratch recipes and she does very well.

I still stay out of the kitchen when she's baking. I feel the need to control all the equipment, etc. But she does know how because I taught her.

Now the other littles want to have the same priviledges. They gotta learn to read before they can bake. :) And if they want to help dd9, they gotta ask her. :) Interestingly she gets just as frustrated with them as I do.

[PrairieAir]

I hated having my kids anywhere near the kitchen while I was cooking when they were young. I tried, but it drove me insane. I finally decided it was better for me to do things with them that would not make me curse out loud. It didn't help that I tend to be a bit of a control freak and that the kitchen is the area where I must. have. things. done. my. way.

Now that they are older, I can let them take over some in the kitchen. My 13yods loves to cook and really likes when I teach him how to make different dishes. He's old enough, though, that I can back off a little if I'm getting frustrated or impatient. That doesn't happen too often now, but if it does, I can instruct him to cut the chicken into same-sized pieces and walk away for a minute. My 11yodd likes to bake with me and she is very neat and helpful. The one that is most likely to drive me nuts is my 15yodd who likes to make things on her own and then leave the kitchen a mess:glare:

I had all these grand ideas of making perfect memories with my kids when they were little. I'd set aside a whole day for making Christmas cookies or something similar and often those days ended early with the kids getting sidetracked or bored or making a complete mess and me a complete wreck. My patience was already worn thin in those days and I don't think I was old enough and mature enough to have very much patience to begin with. Maybe that's why baking cookies with kids is such a good grandma activity.

I say if having your kids in the kitchen drives you crazy, wait until they are older and you can be more hands off. Pick things to do together that you can all enjoy without raising your stress level. For me that was getting them outside. Camping, hiking, nature walks, picking apples, the pumpkin patch--but never gardening, that made me nutty too--were all things I enjoyed doing with my kids and allowed us to have fun together and make those special memories. I imagine it's different for each person, so find the activities that work for you. I also don't play Barbies, house, Legos, K'nex, or video games. Lincoln logs and art projects are okay. Know your strengths and your limits;)