If you have something to give a friend, how many times do you make the offer?

[AmyinPA]

A friend of mine is adopting a little boy and I offered her all my boys old clothes which comes out to about 8 boxes. She told me two weeks ago that she'd like to go through them. The boxes are still sitting in my dining room waiting for her to come. I've reminded her twice and am getting sick of looking at the boxes.

Would it be rude of me to offer them to someone else or take them to goodwill? They are really nice clothes (I got rid of the worn items) and thought I was doing a nice thing for her. But now I'm feeling rather inconvenienced with these boxes in my house. I need my dining room for Easter! Should I give her one more chance to come take a look? or just move on to someone else?

[j.griff]

I would take them to her, LOL, then she can go through them at her convenience, while not inconveniencing you. HTH

[Anne/Ankara]

Eight boxes of clothes sound so overwhelming, she's probably making excuses about coming to look through them! I would separate a few boxes, take them to her, and if she wants the rest, take them later as well. But then, again, I despise even going through my own used stuff, so I can sympathize with her!

[Canada_Mom]

This has happened to me before. I would make one final offer to drop them off at her place. If this doesn't work out, if it were me, I would take them to Goodwill.

I can't stand the sight of boxes in my house- even if I know that they are meant to be heading out the door...

[Adrianne]

I would give her a deadline, like a week (unless she has a good excuse). Or something like, I am going to Goodwill on Wednesday if you want to look at the clothes. If she does not meet your deadline, Goodwill here you come!

Some people just need a deadline.

I wish I could look at them! I am due in August and I gave all me stuff away a few years ago!

[Whisperlily]

I agree with the other posters.

Call her and say this: "Hi Jane, I'm just tidying things up, and am looking at these clothes here, and wondering whether you'd like me to drop them off at your house this week, or if you already have enough clothes for the boys and would rather I take them to Goodwill."

Pick a date or timeframe, offer to deliver (since, if you take them to Goodwill, you'll have to deliver to them anyway. ;) ), and allow her an "out" that won't hurt your feelings if she doesn't want them.

[kalanamak]

I'd thin them down to the 3 or 4 best boxes....and get rid of the rest. Tell her, I picked out the really good stuff and drop it off. Do not do this with this person again.

[*anj*]

She's probably just feeling overwhelmed with everything else that she has to do and hasn't even considered the state of your living room.

I think I'd just narrow it down to the things the child can wear in the next year and give the rest to Goodwill or someone else. I am the Queen of Hand Me Downs, but if someone offered me 8 boxes to go through I'd get a knot in my stomach. First, it's a lot of effort to go through them all, and then she'll need to store them all. There must be a few years/sizes/seasons worth of clothing there, right?

And yes, I'd say drop the clothes off at her house. :auto:

[Twinmom]

She may either be drowning in paperwork or up to her eyeballs in nervous anticipation (been there, done that!)! Or, if she's had a hard time with the process or with infertility, she may not feel ready to handle baby stuff in the house until the baby is actually, physically there. I'm sure she's not trying to be inconsiderate...she's may just be caught up in what's going on.

I'd recommend offering to drop them off at her house so she can go through them at her leisure. She can stick them in the garage and ignore them till she needs them. If she balks at that, tell her you've got to get them out of the dining room and you'll take them over to Goodwill.

You sound like a great friend.

[CalicoKat]

She may either be drowning in paperwork or up to her eyeballs in nervous anticipation (been there, done that!)! Or, if she's had a hard time with the process or with infertility, she may not feel ready to handle baby stuff in the house until the baby is actually, physically there. I'm sure she's not trying to be inconsiderate...she's may just be caught up in what's going on.

I'd recommend offering to drop them off at her house so she can go through them at her leisure. She can stick them in the garage and ignore them till she needs them. If she balks at that, tell her you've got to get them out of the dining room and you'll take them over to Goodwill.

You sound like a great friend.

Infertility will do that to you.

Sort out the best for her, put those boxes in the garage, and when the little one finally comes home and he's in her arms drop them off! Until he's home everything is still "up in the air" and it would be like taking down the crib after a miscarriage or like if a baby dies during delivery.

Is this her first? Then she probably doesn't really even know what she needs. Picking out the best items for her would be helpful on that level too.

You're a great friend to get excited with/for her while she's "pregnant." Not many of my friends were and it would have been tremendous to have an enthusiastic person in my life at those times we knew we were waiting for a delivery--and yet not really know when, how, who, or where.

[Pencil Pusher]

If you can drop them off to her, I think that would be awesome. I agree, she's probably really busy & even a little preoccupied.

Barring that, though, I'd consider setting up a specific time. I have a neighbor who cuts hair. I keep telling her I want my hair cut. She keeps saying sure, any time. And it never happens because neither of us knows when is good for the other.

Tell your friend you'd love to see her before things get hectic for Easter. Invite her for a cup of coffee, to talk about the adoption or whatever else is going on in y'all's lives. And while she's there, help her load up whatever she wants.

But set a date, or it won't happen. Do it Tuesday. Or better yet, tomorrow.

Fwiw, I'd want the boxes out, too! Good luck!

[Mrs Mungo]

When I hand down clothes to a friend I usually go through and save only the best stuff for them. Even if I don't remember things being stained and whatnot, inevitably something is. So, I like to go through, pick out the cutest, cleanest, newest looking stuff and give the rest to Goodwill.

[WTMindy]

and tell her that she can get rid of whatever she doesn't want. Then the boxes can sit at her house.

[Crissy]

Are you sure she wants all of it? She may be having a difficult time finding a way to tell you she hasn't the time or the space for eight boxes of clothing.

It may be a good idea to ask one more time if she would like to have the clothes, and be sure to let her know that you'll understand if she doesn't. Make it clear that either way, you have to know by a certain date.

[Janet in WA]

If this is her first child (and even if it's not), she may not want used clothing. I didn't. I'd do as others suggest and give her (and yourself) a graceful out -- tell her you're making other arrangements for the clothing if she doesn't come for them by next Wednesday (or whatever).

[Hotdrink]

Normally I'd drop the stuff off at the friend's house and say something like "I hope you find something that you can use. Just vinniebin (ie, donate to local charity shop) whatever you don't need." But with that large an amount, I'd pick out the best pieces to combine into one or two boxes and then ditch the rest, because she might feel overwhelmed to be lumbered with 8 boxes worth. Or if there are various sizes, maybe you could sort them and initially just offer the ones that are likely to fit him now. It's a great idea to wait until she actually brings her new son home, too, if you can cope with keeping just one or two boxes.

[Tree House Academy]

I would tell her that you have to get these boxes out and ask if she would like you to drop them off at her house for you to go through or if she prefers you just take them on to Goodwill. I wouldn't hesitate one bit to ask her something like that. She needs to know you are "over" staring at the boxes.

[LizzyBee]

I usually take clothes to the person I'm giving to and tell them to give away whatever they can't use. Once I have it boxed and ready to go, I want it out of my house, so it's worth taking the time to drop it off. :auto:

[OnTheBrink]

This thread is 3 years old. I think the problem is probably solved by now. :lol:

[Alicia64]

She may either be drowning in paperwork or up to her eyeballs in nervous anticipation (been there, done that!)! Or, if she's had a hard time with the process or with infertility, she may not feel ready to handle baby stuff in the house until the baby is actually, physically there. I'm sure she's not trying to be inconsiderate...she's may just be caught up in what's going on.

I'd recommend offering to drop them off at her house so she can go through them at her leisure. She can stick them in the garage and ignore them till she needs them. If she balks at that, tell her you've got to get them out of the dining room and you'll take them over to Goodwill.

You sound like a great friend.

:iagree: Before I actually had my twins, I would have been overwhelmed by 8 boxes too -- AND I wouldn't have understood the enormous cost savings involved w/ your great offer.

Sometimes I look back on me before I had kids. . . and just marvel at how much I just didn't get the baby/kid thing.

I did infertility and it really does skew your outlook. I can't even imagine what the paperwork adoption hurdles are like.

Alley