I'm so tired of half-done work.

[Rhonda in TX]

DS (13 years old, ADD, Asperger's) has a terrible, terrible problem with not completing work. He'll try to answer questions without reading the chapter. If he doesn't know the answer (gee, I wonder why that would be), he just leaves them blank. He'll tell me he's done work that he hasn't, then complains when it leads to having to double up the next day. (I try to catch it the same day, but I don't always.) If he's doing a review for a test, he won't bother to go look up anything he doesn't remember. He just leaves it blank, then wonders why he fails (horribly fails) the test.

I don't know what to do, other than sitting beside him all day long. I know that's most likely the answer, but I'm so tired of it! When is it going to get better????

[JennW in SoCal]

I figure there are 2 parts to educating an ADD/Asperger's type kid -- a kid like my oldest. There is the learning HOW to learn as in your basic school skills, and there is simply learning. From my experience, both things don't always happen at the same time.

The questions at the end of the chapter may not be the best way for your ds to learn. Even though it looks like the kind of school you and I had, it isn't the only way to master material, and in fact, is really more about learning the trick of how to answer those questions. I don't know about you, but I breezed through high school without reading any chapters, I simply looked at the questions, found the right page, and rephrased what was in the book. I didn't learn or retain a thing. Perhaps reading together and discussing would work better than having him read then answer. Or having him write a narration or summary of a chapter or section. Or doing most questions orally so he can see how you find the information, then having him write one or two answers.

Your ds may also have a hard time breaking text book reading down into chunks -- he may not know to first scan the page and look for the highlighted terms and side bars. My ds just sees a wall of text and he reads word after words and struggles to understand the big picture. Your ds may not know what to underline in a literature book, or what things he should be thinking about. Those are the tricks of the student trade which you should work on with him, but perhaps not base his entire schooling on.

Perhaps you should think about how your ds can be successful and treat study and school skills as a separate issue. Go for quality, not quantity, and be creative rather than recreating traditional school. For instance, I have never given tests to my kids. Sure, I've given them vocabulary quizes and math chapter tests, but I don't grade. They fix what is wrong, learn from those mistakes and we move on. My ds who struggled with traditional school worked on writing and researching skills, but he did many creative projects throughout high school. He will always need extra help with traditional schooling -- note taking and reading, but those are legitimate handicaps for which he can get help in college.

If you don't want to change your approach, then I'd focus for a while on the school skills and not grade him on his mastery of the content. Let him use high lighters or post its or other aids to help him keep track of where he is and what he needs to do.

I feel your frustrations, really. I came to my Zen like acceptance of how my oldest best learns after many years of near despair!

[HeidiD]

DS (13 years old, ADD, Asperger's) has a terrible, terrible problem with not completing work. He'll try to answer questions without reading the chapter. If he doesn't know the answer (gee, I wonder why that would be), he just leaves them blank. He'll tell me he's done work that he hasn't, then complains when it leads to having to double up the next day. (I try to catch it the same day, but I don't always.) If he's doing a review for a test, he won't bother to go look up anything he doesn't remember. He just leaves it blank, then wonders why he fails (horribly fails) the test.

I don't know what to do, other than sitting beside him all day long. I know that's most likely the answer, but I'm so tired of it! When is it going to get better????


I agree with what Jenn said. I would also add that if he's deliberately not doing work he's capable of because he doesn't want to, you might find it effective to set some negative consequences. I have a daughter the same age w/Aspergers, and a couple of years ago, she wasn't doing her work, would lie about doing work that she hadn't done, would sneak the answer keys when no one was looking and copy the answers down, etc. At one point, I found that she had pulled out half the pages of her English workbook, torn a hole in her mattress and stuffed them all in. It wasn't a matter of her not being able to understand or do the work - she simply didn't want to do it. :tongue_smilie:

[farmgirlinwv]

No advice, but my dd is 12 and very similar. I'll also be reading the responses. One of the problems w/ her is no motivation. If it's not one of her interests, she tries to get it done as quickly and sloppily as possible to move on to what she does like. It's very frustrating.

[Rhonda in TX]

I've come to realize I need to modify how we approach school work. For history, he reads, then does a short written narration (3-5 sentences) and draws a picture to go with it if he wants. He usually does very well with that. I should look into going with that sort of method for science. Hmmm... Definitely something to think about.

I know he's a smart kid and I think, because of that, I want him to be able to do the work of an NT kid of the same intelligence. And that's not gonna happen yet. I need to reach the Zen. :)

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It really helps.

[Rhonda in TX]

I agree with what Jenn said. I would also add that if he's deliberately not doing work he's capable of because he doesn't want to, you might find it effective to set some negative consequences. I have a daughter the same age w/Aspergers, and a couple of years ago, she wasn't doing her work, would lie about doing work that she hadn't done, would sneak the answer keys when no one was looking and copy the answers down, etc. At one point, I found that she had pulled out half the pages of her English workbook, torn a hole in her mattress and stuffed them all in. It wasn't a matter of her not being able to understand or do the work - she simply didn't want to do it. :tongue_smilie:

He will tell me he's done something and then I'll go check later and he never even started it! He'll do this with 2-3 subjects in one day, so I'm pretty sure it's a disobedience issue. I'm allowing leeway for the mistakes we all make (skipping problems accidentally, etc.), but the lying to me has go to stop.

[Rhonda in TX]

No advice, but my dd is 12 and very similar. I'll also be reading the responses. One of the problems w/ her is no motivation. If it's not one of her interests, she tries to get it done as quickly and sloppily as possible to move on to what she does like. It's very frustrating.

Yep. That's very similar to DS.

[Dobela]

He will tell me he's done something and then I'll go check later and he never even started it! He'll do this with 2-3 subjects in one day, so I'm pretty sure it's a disobedience issue. I'm allowing leeway for the mistakes we all make (skipping problems accidentally, etc.), but the lying to me has go to stop.
How does he know what he is suuposed to do each day? My brother has Aspergers and a big time short time memory problem. Many kids I have worked with that have ADD also have short term memory problems. When my brother was in school he had a check list that he checked off - every subject and every assignment every day. If it was checked, he had to also show proof it was done. At home my parents would set timers to get his attention and help him focus back. It felt like forever for him to get the habit down but now as an adult we still use this method for him for everything from cleaning his apartment to personal care needs.

[jensway]

Rhonda, my ds used to do 1/2 his work and just leave the ones he didn't know blank. Over the last year and half I've really found the zen when it comes to his school work. :001_smile:

If ds was in ps then his work load would not be what the nt kids are required to do, so I adjust the work load/busy work. Most of the time it's like 60-75% that he needs to get done. If he does not complete the 75% with in a reasonable time then he has "homework". We are usually finished with school around 2:00. He has free time from 2-3. From 3-4 he has to complete any "homework" because we leave the house at 4 for his martial arts class.

It's amazing what he can do once he has something to motivate him. "Homework" not done, then no martial arts class. So maybe find something he really likes to do: watch TV, some sport, play on computer, video games and allow it only after all "homework" is completed. Hang in there. :grouphug:

[Rhonda in TX]

How does he know what he is suuposed to do each day? My brother has Aspergers and a big time short time memory problem. Many kids I have worked with that have ADD also have short term memory problems. When my brother was in school he had a check list that he checked off - every subject and every assignment every day. If it was checked, he had to also show proof it was done. At home my parents would set timers to get his attention and help him focus back. It felt like forever for him to get the habit down but now as an adult we still use this method for him for everything from cleaning his apartment to personal care needs.

One of the reasons I started workboxes was because I felt he needed a very clear, visual picture of what he needs to do for the day. It really has worked well, but I'm finding that he will say he's finished with a box when he's really not. I need to doublecheck everything, throughout the day, but, boy, does it get old. Sigh...

I have ADD myself and I agree that timers are wonderful! :)