Someone, please help me keep perspective, here

[Momto5girls]

I'm really disgusted right now, and just need to bounce around the situation and get some perspective.

dd10 is profoundly MR and autistic. She is lovely, beautiful, joyful, and a light of my life. She is healthy, ambulates fine, but cognivitely is like a baby. She goes to a special public school classroom in the next district over, and this year her bus drive is supposed to be an hour. Now, this was hard for me to swallow at first, because last year her ride was a little over a half hour for the same ride. But, trying to save money, they consolidated another run and now there are three other schools to stop at before they bring her home. I decided to let it go and see what happened, knowing that dd loves being in the car and does enjoy the ride.

Well, her ride vacillates widely. Some days it's an hour, some days more. The problem is that with every stop there's a margin of error that could delay them, and if they hit a delay at all three stops, it could push them back considerably. Today, her ride was an hour and a half!!

What has gotten me the most upset is that she was soaking wet from a wet diaper when I got her off the bus. She has an aid, who I'm growing to detest. I feel terrible saying that, as she has never "done" anything out of line. It's just that maternal feeling you have of knowing someone is not fond of your child. She barely acknowledges her when I get her on the bus in the morning. I walk her in, buckle her in the seat, and all she does is sit there. Now, I don't expect everyone to love my child, but you know having a child so vulnerable, you want to feel she is in the company of someone who truly respects them. I get the opposite vibe from her.

When I got her off the bus, the aid said, with a quasi-disgusted look on her face, "Uh, she's all wet". Duh.

Now, I know she is an aide and is probably not within her job position to change diapers, but what would you expect a one-to-one bus aid to do in a situation like that? Could she at least have ripped the darn pull-up off her so she wasn't sitting with it against her skin? I could just picture her sitting in the seat behind her (yes, she doesn't even sit next to her), disgusted at the fact that dd was sitting in urine.

I'm just so sad right now.

And if I decide to ask the bus company to replace her, what do I tell them? Uh, I just don't like the way she looks at dd? I don't think she's outwardly friendly to dd?

I guess I just need to get these feelings off my chest and get a good night sleep and put a pin in it till morning.

Thanks,
lisa

[hscherger]

I am praying for you right now.

hugs

[Ibbygirl]

That is so sad. I know exactly how you feel too. When my ds was 3 he went into the public school system's Autism cluster. The first school he was assigned to was so horrible it was a nightmare. Everything was sub-par, the teacher's the aides, the class room and my son who like your precious dd who is so cheerful and happy and joyous all the time would cry every day when I took him to school. I eventually pulled him out after just a couple of weeks because I couldn't send him there anymore. I was fortunate that I was able to get him into a really good school the following year that was connected with a local university but that also had public funds as well (kinda like an Autism Charter school) and he flourished there. When he graduated that pre-school and went into kindergarten, he had to go back to the Autism Cluster in the pss, but fortunately he was assigned to a different school and he is doing so well there. It is night and day over his former Autism cluster assignment. My son's bus ride is very long too and he has come home twice so far this year with wet pants. I talked to his teacher and told him that I wanted him to make sure that ds goes to the bathroom right before he is supposed to get on the bus in the afternoon. My son's bus arrives at 6:30am and yet he doesn't get to school until 8am and he is dry when he shows up so I know if he's coming home wet it's because they haven't taken him to the bathroom. I would talk to the teacher and see if you can work that out with them, as for the aide, that's a tuffy. I have had some aides like that too and I just did my best to try to win them over. I would always be pleasant with them and smile and say good morning. I would ask them their name and greet them in the morning "Good morning.... How are you today. Your earrings look nice" or "that's a pretty blouse" or anything I could find to compliment them on. Usually that would work to kill the vibe and win them over. I've had some aides that had a heart of stone no matter what and there was nothing I could do about them. With those times, I just said an extra prayer of protection over my son when I sent him out in the mornings. It is so difficult I know. I feel it keenly too how vulnerable my son is because he is non- verbal and would never tell if someone hurt him, but I know at the end of the day I just have to trust God that He has him in His hands and will take care of him. From one mother's heart to another I hurt with you, believe me I do. I know exactly how you are feeling, but I know that God loves that precious little girl and is holding her in His hands. God bless you. :grouphug:

Jennifer

[jensway]

Have prayed that you will know the right thing to do and say. I feel bad for you and your dd, sending many hugs. :grouphug:

[Momto5girls]

Jennifer, thank you. Just, thank you. That was really special :grouphug:.

Blessings,
lisa

[Ottakee]

Could it be that the school is not changing her/toileting here just before she gets on the bus to head home? Myabe the school could work on this.

Is she a really heavy wetter====so that she might wet through in 1 1/2 hours? If this might be the case, you might check with the diaper supply place to see about liners, a different type of pull up, larger size, etc.

My 14dd just started school this fall for the first time. She LOVES the bus and her driver and aide. Her ride though is only about 25 minutes (we are 15-20 minutes from the school) on the way in. On the way home she has a private van that brings her home and loves that driver as well.

Is this aide just having a bad time or is she always like this? How is the driver? Are you able to tell from your daughter how she is being treated?

This is tough with special needs kids as they can't communicate as easily as other kids.

[Ibbygirl]

Jennifer, thank you. Just, thank you. That was really special :grouphug:.

Blessings,
lisa


anytime honey. Pm me anytime if you ever need to chat. My door's always open. :grouphug: :grouphug:




**edit** sorry Mrs. Mungo. didn't mean to kill another cat. ;)