Would you graduate this child early? - HELP!

[Stephanie/MO]

I homeschool our 9 children. The 2 oldest boys are in college. But my newly-turned 17 year old son is nearly "unmotivated". He does take college algebra and English comp at the local university as an early college credit student, but that is all I can get him to do. He has scored a 30 on the ACT, but this doesn't qualify him for a full scholarship at this college. He will need at least a 31. However, he has his sites on another college where decent scholarships start at 32.

Technically this is a junior year, but I am seriously considering graduating him this year. Socially, he jells better with a bit younger kids....this is what worries me....and the fact that he hasn't had physics which he will need for his computer science degree. He won't have time to do it this year as he will take chemistry next semester at the college. He would have to study this physics this summer.

I am tired of going into his room where is suppose to be reading Dante, doing his religion, studying art history (something he really enjoys), and working on his ACT for the October test. Instead he is installing something else on his darn computer or mindlessly goofing off.

It just doesn't seem to be worth the conflict and the near ruination of our relationship. He is a very soft-hearted kid who loves playing with his 2 year old brother. But my "nagging" is getting to me AND him. Basically I have had it. I either let him "BE" and just let him waste all this time or prematurely enroll him college which I hestitate to do because of his soft-heartness and his social attractiveness to everything (this is secular college). I am afraid I am going to regret that decision. BUT....this goofing off also isn't good for him or me.

Any thoughts....suggestions....??? Throw in the towel or just let him be?
He does work part-time at a computer shop. He could get more work, but that isn't getting the schoolwork done AND honing in his study skills for college.

Thanks!

Stephanie

[Starr]

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I think I would hang on for the sake of maturity.

[Susan C.]

I wouldn't give up yet, would it work to lay it out for him that he needs to do such and such (fill in the blank) classes, get a GPA close to 4.0 (or above), or he won't be able to get any scholarships or pursue the computer programming degree. At this age, it has to be his decision, but you can set it up for him to make the right one. We don't allow side jobs until a time slot opens up with all school work finished, and with both kids, that hasn't happened yet :) Now is the time for education and training for the future. If he drops out and takes a low paying job, he won't do much better than that in the future and won't be able to support himself and a family. Hang in there and hopefully he will thank you someday, best wishes!

[Jenn in CA]

My oldest is 16.5, but if I regularly caught him goofing off when he's supposed to be working, Bad Things Would Happen Immediately. Bad enough that he would really regret that bad choice. Then, there's no nagging.

Things like no computer, no iPod, no video games, no scree time, extra schoolwork, extra chores. Anything he loves, I take it away. Anything he dislikes, I give him more. For a Long Time if necessary.

I agree, nagging can kill your relationship. But "tough love" administered with a smile can be really good for a relationship. I hope this doesn't sound harsh. Hang in there... you can find a way through this!

[Moni]

Bad Things Would Happen Immediately. Bad enough that he would really regret that bad choice. Then, there's no nagging.

Things like no computer, no iPod, no video games, no screen time, extra schoolwork, extra chores. Anything he loves, I take it away. Anything he dislikes, I give him more. For a Long Time if necessary.

I agree, nagging can kill your relationship

Yes, I agree to eliminate any nagging and mother-whining.
Mother-whining can be just as unpleasant as toddler-whining ;)

Be the policeman.

When he pulls you over or speeding he doesn't whine, moan, and wring his hands saying
"Why are you speeding again (whine, moan, roll eyes)
"You got a ticket THREE TIMES already. Quit speeding. (exasperation)
"How many times do I have to tell you not to speed (futility)
"You are speeding and you have (whatever goal)? (disbelief)
"How are you going to achieve your goal if you speed (rhetorical intolerant)
and other assorted Police-Whining.

He just says:
Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over.
You were doing 10 mph over the speed limit.
[Consequence issued]

Period. Statement. Declarative.
And move on. No need to wait around for an unpleasant teen response.

:seeya:

[LanaTron]

Not harsh at all, IMO...and I'm a "softie" mom.

[Ravin]

I'd probably tell him if he doesn't pull it together, he won't get scholarships for college, then let him make his own decisions. It's his education and future, after all.

[Stephanie/MO]

Thank you for the responses! One issue is that he does have a nearly full scholarship now based on his ACT score at the university where he is taking 2 classes. He could get more if his ACT score was one point higher....basically incidental fees and books. But his tuition could be fully paid for.

So that is really not a motivator. I am going to take the computer out of his room. He never has had internet access, but still a lot of goofing off goes on anyway:glare:

He needs more follow-through. I guess I was just trying to get out of doing "it all". I just feel a bit overwhelmed with schooling the other children too and
I was hoping to rashly see another option.

Blessings,
Stephanie

[Rosie_0801]

Maybe he needs a gap year? If it were my kiddo, I'd start pondering on sending him on a volunteer program overseas. Mind you, my sister runs one such program; I wouldn't want to send them off amongst strangers at that age.

Rosie