alternative to saying: "Work first then play"

[greenmamato3]

So lately, I find myself saying to our kids in so many contexts that they must first do their work, and then we'll play. This could be our chores, our school work, piano practice, or even just cleaning up a game before we move to the next etc.


I just thought I'd poll you gals who have bright, thinking kids and who are conscientious about the things you say and the overtone it gives off. In an ideal world, I would never have to say that to my kids b/c they'd be DRAWN to the good feeling that results when they see something get cleaned (chores), or when they see the progress they are making (piano), or when they feel the bedazzlement of discovering and learning (school time), instead of having to be told that the work needed to be done before the play. But in all honesty, I feel like it's just their flesh, their sinful nature, that causes this. And, again in all honesty, isn't this just a factor in ALL of life? I personally would MUCH rather sit around and play with clay all day or sit on fb or on blogs or do my scrapbooks rather than clean the dishes, fold more laundry, mop more floors, drive kids around to activities, etc. But that's not reality. DH and I both feel it's important that our kids learn to be hard workers, and we feel that is instilled by treating them the way others in their life will expect for them to function eventually. For example, when they marry and have their, they will nearly automatically be expected to do the laundry before they go "play" .... or they will reap the consequences, etc, of having no clean undies :) LOL. you get what I'm saying.

I'm torn, though.

Half of me wants to just be able to entice (NOT BRIBE!) them toward "learning time" and not have to remind them that Work comes before PLay. But the other half of me feels like this is just a reality principle that at some point they have to learn anyway. My DS (6.5/first grade) would MUCH rather just go play with his younger siblings who aren't "in school" yet officially and therefore have a LOT more freetime in the mornings than he does. DD is only 4.5 and isn't "required" to do K work yet though is capable of it and does sometimes when she is interested b/c I'm always ready with an age-appropriate thing to allow her to feel privileged to work at the school table as well. And she's included in all our reading and notebooking for whatever she's interested in. But oviously her attention span is limited 2 yrs less than his is, and therefore I expect different things from him, which means sometimes he's asked to continue working a bit longer b/c we haven't finished our work and can't play yet. {oh, and other DS is only 1 yr old!!! LOL}

I want to just have a learning "environment" in our home, but struggle with that just being too loosey-goosey to actually finish everything if i let them just dictate everything.
I don't want to be a task-master, but I also want our kids to know how to stay on task until the job is COMPLETE not just until they stop and get tired of doing something.
sooooooooo..... that's a long way of asking:
what are some other approaches or even just other little sayings you use to strike a balance to this?!

Thanks in advance!!!!!!!!!!!!

[greenmamato3]

to clarify: B/c the kids are young, most of our schooling almost necessarily has to happen first thing in the day and for the most part needs to be wrapped up before lunchtime in order to catch my son at his best, freshest, and most ready state. There are exceptions to that, but still I have to go by the guideline that *most days* we will "work first then play." Not that there isn't fun going on while we're working ... but just that it's not their "playtime" stuck right smack dab in the middle of our schedule for the school part of our day b/c they decide that they are tired of working. Of course, i try to strike a balance and just "set aside" things or just scrap the schedule in order to facilitate someone's NEED for a nature break, etc .....

i don't mean to imply that school is all work and no play. for pete's sake, a large part of our "school day" is cuddling on the couch and reading :)

[LittleIzumi]

My dds are almost 2 and almost 4. So it's VERY basic here ;). We just talk about the specifics, and give a good reason for it. Usually it's "let's clean the playroom and then we can read X book," and then as we clean, things like "oh look, this block was on the floor--I almost stepped on it! We need to put it away so we don't get hurt, or break it." The first time I said that my older dd took the block, put it on the floor, and rolled her foot over it carefully before declaring "Ouch!" and putting it away :lol:. And now she will tell me when I ask her to pick something up or keep things off the floor, that it is so we don't step on it. Sometimes I'll just walk into the playroom, make a surprised noise, and ask if there is any room to play in here? And the answer is no, because toys and books are scattered. And so we clean so that we can then play or read.

[dangermom]

Aw, that's so cute.

I say "Work first, then play" a lot. What else do I do? Hm, dunno. A lot of times when a kid is looking for something she can't find, I'll tell her to clean up a bit! I'm always pointing out that cleaning up is a really good way to find things. :)

[smrtmama]

We always say "When it's time to do the work, DO THE WORK."

[Carol in Cal.]

From Proverbs:
"Whatsoever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy might."

And from FLL:
Work while you work
Play while you play--
This is the way to be happy all day!
All that you do
Do with your might.
Things done by halves are NEVER done right!

[kpupg]

[quote]DRAWN to the good feeling that results when they see something get cleaned (chores), or when they see the progress they are making (piano), or when they feel the bedazzlement of discovering and learning
[\quote]

Well, my kids are teens and I have yet to see this in action, with the exception of the kids' personal passions -- math for the one, writing for the other. In my experience, you just aren't going to see this in children. What you're describing is really an adult attitude.

When the kids were younger, we set up a culture of privileges being a reward for getting school & chore responsibilities done. IOW, no privileges until the requirements are completed. It's not a punishment; it's just the way the world is set up.

And I always try to spin it positively -- yes, you may go outside with neighbor friend after you finish your math -- or whatever the specifics.

Having structure, rules, and priorities is not the same thing as being a task master. You are the parent; it's part of the job; it can be done lovingly.

God bless,
Karen

[greenmamato3]

From Proverbs:
"Whatsoever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy might."

And from FLL:
Work while you work
Play while you play--
This is the way to be happy all day!
All that you do
Do with your might.
Things done by halves are NEVER done right!
YES! this is exactly where we are in our FLL this week!!! LOL. i LOVED that she put this in the text for the kids to learn.

i think i'm going to change the memory verse i had selected for next week to the above one from proverbs to further reinforce our "lesson" and our FLL ... days like today it was no problem at all. we had a GREAT school morning and very little hiccups in the process. i do see that if i keep the youngers "working" on little age-appropriate tasks like blocks, puzzles, etc, that the older feels less inclined to be dying to go have free play time.

i guess that in many ways, there just is no way around this very fundamental principle. listening to this feedback so far reminds me that even though i WISH i could make my children's world all feel-good and roses, doing so would be a disservice to them and a failure on my part to train them well.

other thoughst welcome. thanks so much, ladies, for these responses so far! :) :grouphug: now i'm going to go "play" b/c i just finished my "work" for lunch clean up! :) yah!! :lol: