College Education Goals and Alternatives

[Maria/ME]

If you want your child to go to college what is your end goal in so doing? Good educations? Good job=financial success? What are the alternatives?

I've always felt that my goal for my daughter was to help her become a success in whatever she wants to do. If that doesn't include college I don't have a problem with that. As she gets older I have thought about this subject more and more.

Even as adults we are always learning, whether by books, educational courses, apprenticeships or on the job training (to name a few). I see these as alternatives for my daughter if she so chooses.

What are some options you may (or may not) be considering for the future of your children? Where do their desires come in? Where do your dreams for them leave off?

There have been many posts where many of you lament your "lack" of formal higher education. I didn't go to college. I knew/know I can take courses whenever I want, if I want. I have never felt that knowledge wasn't within my grasp or that I was "less educated" than anyone else. If someone has more knowledge than me I take the opportunity to learn from them if at all possible. Education is there for the taking if I want it. All around me. Formally or informally.

So while touching on your experiences a bit perhaps, could you give me an idea of what your goals are for higher education and particularly alternatives as you see them. Are you strict and firm that they WILL be going to college like many ps parents? Why or why not?

That's a very long winded way of asking a question, huh? Looking forward to your thoughts.....

[Jean in Newcastle]

I strongly believe in getting a liberal arts education in college so that you learn to think and be a well-rounded education. The WTM style of hs starts that process early - which I love!

Of course some professions require a college degree (or two) but even if you don't need a professional degree, I think that having a college degree can open up doors to even non-professional jobs. I had a job at an engineering firm where they were very proud of the fact that every employee (even support staff) had a college degree. They felt like it gave them flexibility in assigning new jobs to people because they had "proven" that they were able to learn new things. I don't know if my employees were totally right, but I loved going from being a file clerk to researcher to even working on actual engineering field work.

[lynn]

My sons will someday have families and will be providers so college and a good career is a must to compete in this world. My dd she's only 2 right now but I want her to be able to be independent and educated for she may not have the opportunity to be a sahm like have been blessed to do. My boys are very intelligent and things come very easy for them. We showed my son the difference in salary after 4 years of college vs none. He will be going on ROTC scholarship.

[Danestress]

I hope my children will go to college. I certainly won't insist or feel that they have failed me in my dreams if they don't. There obviously are legitimate alternatives, but DH and I plan financially for our children to go. We want it to be one of their choices.

And would do so regardless of the career that they might choose.

I suppose part of it is that I am so grateful to have had a four year period in my youth when my only major responsibilities were to get used to living independently from my parents, to hold a job in the summer, and to study.

Despite my great belief in being an independent learning and my idealistic view that we can and should learn throughout our lives, I don't think I have ever had a period in my life after college when I could study so long and hard, challenge myself academically, and enjoy the attention of academic mentors who had so much knowledge in their respective fields. Now I am lucky to have an hour a day to read without interruption or guilt about what else I "should" be doing.

[Beth in Central TX]

We will encourage all 3 of our boys to go to college. My DH and I have very specific degrees which has limited us to our current career choices. Therefore, we would like to see our boys get a liberal arts education in college so that their choices will not be limited later in life. We've also come to the conclusion that where they go to college is not very important; we're big Dave Ramsey fans here. After reading College Without Compromise by Scott & Kris Wightman, we are looking at different avenues to obtain their college degrees.

[st_claire]

In our family, it is not a question of "will you go to college/university" but a question of "what will you study there?" A post-secondary education is a requirement for us. And I would highly encourage a professional degree, since no matter where you live, your skills will always be in demand.

[Mekanamom]

I haven't read the other replies yet.

Yes, My goal is to have my children attend the college/university of their choice, that will help them reach their goals.

My job, as a homeschooling mom (as I see it), is to prepare them well enough to get into the college/university they want to attend. It is also to give them the room and experience to help narrow down what their personal goals are.

[angela in ohio]

It's different for my boys and girls:

Daughters - I use things I learned in college everyday in my homeschooling. My parents created in me a desire to learn, and so I got way more out of my college experience than many people talk about. I expect the same for my dd. A music degree, a science degree of some sort (thos top the list right now) - whatever they want. They will use it to be better wives and mothers, and hopefully to better homeschool their own dc.

Son - My son will need a degree that will allow him to support a family on one income. We will work with him all along to find something he has a passion for, but also fulfills this requirement.

Non-conservative-Christians think we are jerks for having different expectations for our dd and ds. Many fellow conservative-Christans we know think we are unholy for wanting out dc to go to college at all. We can rarely "win", LOL. :001_tongue:

[chai]

College is a requirement for my dd. We talk about college with her as the next step after high school. Since she was 3, she has told us where she plans to go to school. (I expect that to change. :001_smile:) She will have the choice of where she wants to go to school and what she will study, but I hope to heavily influence that decision. I wish that I had more guidance in choosing the right college. After college, I just want her to follow her passion and for her to love whatever she chooses to do.

My DH and I have very specific degrees which has limited us to our current career choices. Therefore, we would like to see our boys get a liberal arts education in college so that their choices will not be limited later in life.

I find this ironic, because I have a liberal arts degree (with a math major), and a general MBA (no major); and I wish that I had been more specific. I feel like if I had a specialty, it would be easier to find part-time or consulting work.

I want dd to be able to support herself and her family if she needs to. I want her to experience college life--the focus on studies and friendships, not the party life. There really isn't anything else like it. I want her to do it before the pressures of life are heavy. I have several friends who have gone back to get their degrees after getting married and having children. It is really tough juggling kids, marriage, work and school.

[Cadam]

I want to prepare my kids for whatever they want to do in life. If my son follows through with his plan he will need a doctorate degree. This is highly likely imo for this child. Even if he doesn't become an astronaut he will do something in the field requiring an advanced degree

If my dd follows through with her current plans she will not need college at all but will require the freedom in her high school years to pursue her passion. Highly unlikely imo as genetics are against her, she wants to be a dancer and has a better than good chance of being nearly 6' tall. She is highly capable in languges and math even at this young age and could do many things.

However since I don't know the future I want them prepared for anything. That is one of the reasons I choose wtm. I believe the classical method will teach them to learn what they need to know and give them the good literacy, math and writing skills necessary to succeed in whatever they choose.

[Happy]

We expect our sons to go to college. As the future breadwinners of a household, we want them prepared.

It doesn't matter what the degree is in. Only that they complete one.

Why? Because when my dh was in his middle forties, he applied for a job. The first hurdle was 'do you have a four year degree'? It didn't matter what the degree was in, but that he had one.

A degree shows potential employers you have the ability to set a goal, work, and stick with something until you finish it.

Yes, college is important.

[strider]

College costs just toooo much money to go without a specific aim.

While it is easy for me to picture my dd choosing to be a SAHM (she's soooo maternal) I don't feel it's wise to depend upon that. What if she never meets the right man? What if she needs to supplement her husband's income? What if she wants to be like SWB (don't we all? :rolleyes:) and share both parenting and interesting work opportunities with her husband and mother??? I'd like to think that both my kids will have the tools they need to do what is interesting to them.

It's important to me that both my kids have a solid option for being able to support themselves and avoid dependency (whether on a spouse or on government or family aid). I do know that there are valid reasons for dependency--I am NOT trying to judge that, especially since I myself had to live off of government aid in some very, very hard years. I just hope I can give my kids tools for financial independence if at all possible.

I have a friend who got a degree in engineering and was quite successful as an engineer for many years but HATED it. After suffering years of clinical depression and hating his high-paying job, he quit. Just. quit. His wife, my dear friend, was totally supportive. They went camping as a family for a month to de-tox. He then worked day labor while figuring out what he wanted to do next. Eventually he got a job that paid just over HALF his former salary, in a factory. He uses his engineering skills in a totally different way and really, really loves it. It's not a job any "real" engineer would consider, but it's the job that fits him to a T. His only bitterness is those wasted years slaving over his engineering degree, and later in an engineering job, when he could have been doing the work he loved instead.

My sisters and brothers have also been instructive for me to observe. I personally LOVED college and often wish I could go back. I love researching and studying, and the career in which I chose to apply my skills was well suited to me. BUT my siblings *hated* school with a passion. The three of them are all more hands-on kinesthetic kinds of people. One sister seriously considered a career making pottery. My brother found his niche in the army. I am convinced that college would have been the worst possible route for at least 2 out of the 3 to go. (I have a fifth sibling who was BORN to go to college--she is studying engineering and loving it.)

I tend to think that a person should figure out what career feeds their passion and holds their interest for 40+ hours per week, and then that person should become trained to do that.

For my own two kids, I rejoice that they both seem academically motivated, though in different subject areas. It is hard for me to picture them NOT going to college. I do plan to encourage an internship in the field of their choice, either during high school or perhaps during a gap year.

[RoughCollie]

We have always planned for our children to go to college, and hopefully get advanced degrees. If any of them want to get an advanced degree that is career or profession specific, then it does not matter much which major they declare in undergraduate school, as long as they take the courses that are required for grad school.

I steer them away from becoming lawyers. There are too many of them, and it is a profession that requires long hours and it is usually very boring. I know this because I am one. I also steer my DD away from being an accountant. She doesn't have the personality for it and would get bored quickly. I know this because I am one.

I also steer them away from what may seem to be glamorous jobs, but which really are not: being a chef or actor come to mind.

If any of my DC show an interest in anything, I support it as best as I am able. I encourage them to try new things.

I don't much care what my DC decide to do to support themselves. I VERY MUCH care that they have careers or professions at which they enjoy themselves so much that they can't believe someone is paying them to do it, *and* that they will be able to support themselves and their families.

If I had my druthers, these kids would become electricians, plumbers and finish carpenters who had time to do work for me. That's unlikely though, as they have so far shown no interest in these trades.

I don't think college is a necessary prerequisite for a successful career. Being really smart is essential in that case, though.

One thing I absolutely do not want is for any of my children to have to do unskilled or semi-skilled labor to support themselves when they are full-fledged adults.

[Maria/ME]

Anyone else??

[Renee in FL]

I encourage my dc towards college - I have a degree, my dh does not. He has no desire nor any regret at not having one.

However, I realize that it may not happen the way I want it to. Therefore, I have told them that they need to do *something* when they finish homeschool. I have a list of "somethings."

I also realize that once they turn 18 they can do pretty much whatever they want, so I am not ever going to tell them that they *have* to xyz - that is a sure fire way to make sure they do the exact opposite of what I want them to. I am rearing my dc to be adults, and as adults one of the biggies is making their own decisions and taking responsibility for them.

It is very easy to get a degree these days. There are PLENTY of online schools that offer financial aid if you need it. If someone *really* wants a degree, they can get one.

[TCoppock]

My plan is for DS to attend college. I don't care what college he attends or what he gets a degree in but I want for him to have something. DS knows that if he attends college I will pay the bills. I want him to be able to provide for his family. I have a degree and DH does not. Although DH now has a good paying job he has had to struggle to get it. He has seen the effects of not having a degree and is taking classes for his trade along with attempting to get a degree. He says if he knew now how important it was he would have done it immediately after high school. I try to make learning a priority in our house. I attend classes off and on still and tell DS that there is always more to know. Hopefully he will follow our lead.

[Antonia]

I would never presume to tell my kids what they should do with their adult lives. I consider the choice to attend college to be an adult one. I have always told them that as long as they are happy and productive and can support themselves, that's all that matters. Both my dh and I have college degrees, and while my dh makes a very nice living, his paycheck is peanuts compared to that of his cousin who dropped out of high school, became a contractor, and became very wealthy in his own business. There are so many alternatives.

My dd is a talented dancer in a professional ballet school. She started college at 14, and plans to get her associate's degree dually, then go off and dance for awhile and teach dance later. I'm proud she wants the degree, but I also know she could follow her dream of dancing without it. My son loves theater and has performed in many local productions. He plans to go to college for theater, but, again, he may become successful without it and change his plan.

I have watched my nieces and nephews who were practically forced into college pursue majors that have not been right for them, change majors several times, and take forever to graduate from college, only to find they either cannot get a job, or do not like their field once they are in it. I think had they been left alone to decide for themselves, they might have found their own path, college or no. This is my hope for my own children.

[percytruffle]

Dd is at the community college now. She started there part-time as a senior and is now full-time. She will transfer to a four-year school next year to finish her bachelor's degree. After that, it is up to her if she wishes to pursue advanced degrees. She thinks she wants to, but she also wants to get married, have a family, and homeschool her own dc. She has a serious "friend" whom she will begin dating in the next couple of months after he is finished with college for the year. He is three years older than her and is almost done with his bachelor's. Who knows what will happen there. Dd likes college and does very well, but if she had to choose between an advanced degree and marriage/family I think school would lose. Although she is very capable, she has never desired a career.

Ds is a junior and will begin part-time studies at the cc next year. He is not as academically inclined as his sister and he has mild dyslexia. We have college expectations for him, but we will temper them with his success rate and his career interests. Time will tell. He is a very hard, methodical, thorough worker, I'm just not sure where he will end up academically. He is bright and capable, but may hit a wall at some point in college.

Dh and I both have master's degrees and I always thought we would have very academically inclined kids. Dh was class valedictorian and I was near the top of my class in my major in college. Life tends to throw you curve balls! It is important not to project your own desires onto your kids, but rather to expect great things and encourage them in their goals whatever they may be.

[Barb F. PA in AZ]

We expect our sons to go to college. As the future breadwinners of a household, we want them prepared.

It doesn't matter what the degree is in. Only that they complete one.

Why? Because when my dh was in his middle forties, he applied for a job. The first hurdle was 'do you have a four year degree'? It didn't matter what the degree was in, but that he had one.

A degree shows potential employers you have the ability to set a goal, work, and stick with something until you finish it.

Yes, college is important.

I was going to say something similar. It is possible to succeed without a college degree but without one, so many doors slam shut. Why start a life with a handicap? However, I would argue that this is just as important for girls. Otherwise, what is she to do while waiting around to get married? Live at home and work at Safeway? Even if she doesn't have major career goals and quits work after children, a decent job provides savings for a home or other goals prior to having a family. If a husband loses a job or becomes disabled or dies, or flakes out and then ups and leaves, it's easier to jump into the job market with little experience and a college degree than with little experience and no degree. Besides, girls should be expected to further their educations for their own enrichment, otherwise you give them the impression they are somehow 'less than' and only good for marrying.

On a personal note, my parents never spoke of "when you go to college," it was always "when you grow up and get married." So from 9th grade on I was subconsciously looking for a mate per my parents instruction. They were overall terrific parents, but I think this was an egregious mistake on their part. I tried to go away on my own dime but wound up dropping out to get married and have a family. I will always regret not finishing my education first (or at least concurrently), but I never really felt supported by my family or expected to do that.

Barb

[angela in ohio]

However, I would argue that this is just as important for girls. Otherwise, what is she to do while waiting around to get married? Live at home and work at Safeway? Even if she doesn't have major career goals and quits work after children, a decent job provides savings for a home or other goals prior to having a family.

My girls will go to college, but if they didn't, the answer to this would be: stay home, work at the church, contribute to our family and others. That may still be the answer, depending on their major and how "employable" it is. :001_smile:

[Barb F. PA in AZ]

My girls will go to college, but if they didn't, the answer to this would be: stay home, work at the church, contribute to our family and others. That may still be the answer, depending on their major and how "employable" it is. :001_smile:

Why is that okay for a girl and not a boy? To live at home and contribute to family and others? A young person's first responsibility in his or her 20's is to work toward personal security and independence. Starting a family, going to college, finding a job, starting a business...these are all good steps toward that goal. But waiting around at home, working for minimum wage and contributing to her family of origin is a waste of a life while waiting 5, 10, or 15 years for the right guy to show up. It's one thing not to be immediately employable after college and land back at home for a couple of years while trying to break into a field, but another thing entirely to be dissuaded from attending college because you aren't expected to be a breadwinner. Conservative belief or no, I think it's dead wrong to set up that double standard.

Barb

[angela in ohio]

...contributing to her family of origin is a waste of a life while waiting 5, 10, or 15 years for the right guy to show up.
Barb

Just want to clarify that my dd will go to college, but I am intimately familiar with those who believe otherwise; but even while dc are in college, we will follow the same family model as many who don't send dd to college...

I think where we will just not be able to see eye to eye is in this statement (above.) We (dh and I) have a different view of family, more of an emphasis on extended family. So grown aduts living with and contributing to their parents' household is not a waste, be they sons or daughters. We don't believe that people should live alone, without a family's love and day-to-day contact and cooperation. Even a dd with children whose dh has died would be welcomed back into our home (or her brother's.) :001_smile:

And because of a belief in God's sovereignty, stressing about when dd will find a mate or if she will need a job down the road isn't necessary. It is all in God's hands and will work out for His plan, which is greater than any plan we could ever make. I pray my dd won't have to wait 15 years to find a dh, that she will get to experience the joy of marriage and motherhood as soon as possible, but if that is God's plan, that will mean he has something else for her to do in the meantime.

So I think we are coming at this from different views. I just wanted to get across that those who choose to have dd remain at home and plan for their marriage, whether they go to college or not, do so from beliefs, not out of a desire to harm their dd.

[Virginia Dawn]

I don't care whether or not my children get a college education. I just expect them to be able to support themselves and be independent within a certain time frame. Our children have 3 choices upon graduating: College, military service, or "get a job, pay room and board, buy all your own personal items, and pay your own bills." In other words dh and I expect our adult children to act like responsible adults. If they do that, we will be supremely happy.:001_smile:

As for college, I don't think a four year liberal arts college is necessarily for everyone. Tech schools and community colleges definitely serve a purpose and I would not be disappointed if any of my children chose that route.

[Chris in VA]

It's funny, because of our family situation, we have different expectations for each of our children. It's quite helpful for me to read this thread (tho I haven't read all the replies, just b/c of time) and see different ways of looking at it.

Ds18 threw the first wrench in the works when he asked to be homeschooled. Now he's tired of that, and wants to go to CC, in order to get some credit under his belt, and cut down on the cost of his (almost) chosen school. Full Sail's film major is completed in 21 months, year 'round, but costs 78G's. It's about $600 a credit. If he can take 12 credits next year, and transfer them, that will cut down the cost a bit. So, he is going to CC for a year, then hopefully completing his degree. Our expectations were for a 4 yr, "regular" college, preferably in state. We wanted him to experience the joys of a committed student community, the fun of roommate living, and the transitional time between living at home and living totally independently. We wanted him to not only study to prepare for a career, but also study what he probably won't ever pick up again--great literature, deeper science and math, theology, etc. There is no easier time, we feel, than in college, to "go there," taking discussions to the Nth degree, exploring the beliefs and thoughts of the past, you know--all the liberal arts stuff. It's just so difficult later, in the midst of real life. We also wanted him to be able to give his wife the real option of staying home--to be financially able to do so. That hasn't really changed, it's just a different path than we expected. But we are ok with his choice--long as the bucks are there.

With DS16, h*ll, we just want him to survive. All our hopes and dreams for him have been trashed and thrown out the window. Addiction will do that to a family. Sure, I'd love to say, we expect him to go to college, find a wonderful dream to pursue, go for it--but right now, we don't even know if he'll ever live at home again. We don't know anything about his future--we don't even know if he stands a good chance of making it to 18, still alive and breathing.

Dd? I want her to stay at home with her babies. I want her to be equal in education to her husband. Guess I should say first, I want her to be married! I know nothing is ever wasted, when it's done unto the Lord, as they say. But I'm learning, you have to surrender your kiddos. They need to feel the consequences of their own actions. You can advise, give them what you think might be a good plan, but they need to have the freedom to choose. At what point you do this is dependent on many, many factors, but certainly, by college age, they ought to have some input. Maybe dd will not have kids. Maybe she'll never get married. Maybe she'll choose to walk a path we would never consider for her. Maybe she, too, will suffer an addiction and throw away her potential. I'm all out of crystal balls. I can prepare her for college, so it's an option, I can save the $ (well, sort of) so she can choose to go, I can advise her. But my best advice for all my kids is, get close to God, and see what he has for you. College or not, it will be the best thing.

I know I am terribly hurt by ds16's struggles, and telling you about it. I guess I needed to vent. Sorry for the long post.

[Lisa at Home]

I think it's important if for nothing more than it makes homeschooling safer for them if they so desire. Just in case.

~Lisa

[Josie]

I won't go as far as to say we will "make" them go because they will be adults by then. We will give them all the support we can so that they can go to college. We do talk to them about going to college as if it will happen. I hope this plants the seed in their heads. I have a doctorate and so does my husband, so I hope that influences them somewhat.

[Maria/ME]

This has been a fascinating thread! It's helped me define and understand a bit more WHAT I want for my daughter and WHY I want it.I am also aware, however, that I may be projecting a bit too much on my wants and desires and not reflecting enough about the person SHE will be growing into.

It makes sense that we want our children to be contributing, worthwhile members of society. However, we seem to all define that differently. Traditionally that has always been defined to me as four year college=good job=good money=success. But I don't think that is the case any more. While I believe college can give you fine lessons and mold your personality I no longer believe that is the only way. I also believe that more and more employers are recognizing that. (I am NOT saying that you can get by without ANY 'higher' education) Many of you mention your childs need to "compete" in the world. I'm not sure I want my child to "compete" in the world. I understand that most of you have children who will go on to be the breadwinners for their familys if they choose to have familys, however, I think a drive to succeed and provide can come from outside a college education. My husband, along with many, many others, has not had a full college education but he works very hard and successfully for his family. Would he do better with said education? Maybe. Maybe not.

I agree with Jean in Newcastle/Beth TX that a liberal arts ed. can be well rounded and giving larger options for future careers...but I don't believe it's the only place to get that well rounded education. Someone (forget who) also mentioned if you have a professional degree your skills will always be in demand. I don't necessarily agree with that, either. The job market changes from decade to decade.

I DO think homeschooling will help our children have a better idea of what they want from college, unlike a large majority of public schooled children who seem to flounder or go with the flow. College decisions often seem to be based on what mom or dad want or what college girl/boy friend are going to. There are some of you, for example, who have children who have a very distinct goal in mind for their careers or lives and know that college is part of that. Kudos for having a game plan so early on in life! I think homeschool provides that opportunity to explore choices.

To me, the biggest reason for college was mentioned by Danestress: "I don't think I have ever had a period in my life after college when I could study so long and hard, challenge myself academically, and enjoy the attention of academic mentors who had so much knowledge in their respective fields. Now I am lucky to have an hour a day to read without interruption or guilt about what else I "should" be doing." Well, isn't that the truth!....and one very good reason to encourage our children toward the path of further education. A better reason, to my mind, than perceived "success."
Strider also put into words some thoughts I had "I tend to think that a person should figure out what career feeds their passion and holds their interest for 40+ hours per week, and then that person should become trained to do that.For my own two kids, I rejoice that they both seem academically motivated, though in different subject areas. It is hard for me to picture them NOT going to college. I do plan to encourage an internship in the field of their choice, either during high school or perhaps during a gap year."
RoughCollie backed up those thoughts: "I don't much care what my DC decide to do to support themselves. I VERY MUCH care that they have careers or professions at which they enjoy themselves so much that they can't believe someone is paying them to do it, *and* that they will be able to support themselves and their families."
Antonia touched on a situation that I have recently seen with a friends child and probably got me motivated to post this thread:"I have watched my nieces and nephews who were practically forced into college pursue majors that have not been right for them, change majors several times, and take forever to graduate from college, only to find they either cannot get a job, or do not like their field once they are in it. I think had they been left alone to decide for themselves, they might have found their own path, college or no. This is my hope for my own children." The last thing I want for my child is for them to be forced to pursue a line of study that is not right for them and hate their field and STILL not get a job.
I also appreciated Josies "influence" but not insistence...letting example lead the way. Even if I haven't graduated from college I can lead by example in the importance I give toward furthering my daughters education, or in the importance I give my own education.

Chris in VA...don't apologize. Boy, life is never what we plan, is it...and I think that is partly where I am coming from. There is what WE want for our children and then the reality, huh? You'll get through this. So will he!! Thanks for contributing to this conversation!

DramaQueen touched on some alternatives with online schools and so forth. Any other thoughts on the alternatives of college?

Meanwhile, thanks to all who posted here to help me sort through and think...anyone else with input, please post!!

[mcconnellboys]

My husband and I both attended state universities. We had okay educations. If my son is insistent on attending a state university, then I would not try to prevent that.

We prefer, however, that he attend a smaller, probably private university. In my research on the topic of colleges over the years, it is these type schools that receive highest overall ratings over and over again for their level of consistency from year to year; their excellent staff; and just all around general desirability of campus life in general. I think this will provide not only a better opportunity/environment in which my son may learn, but also just a better overall quality of life for him during his years on campus.

If he suddenly develops an extremely strong interest in pursuing some career path that would require training other than college, I would not be closed to that either, but he has never shown any predisposition toward this thus far. I do not at all discount apprenticeships, on-the-job training, etc. ALL learning is valid and worthy, in my estimation. What matters most to me is that we do not stagnate in life, but continue to learn, through whatever mode we choose.....

Regena

[Renee in FL]

DramaQueen touched on some alternatives with online schools and so forth. Any other thoughts on the alternatives of college?


Some of the ideas that we have "thrown out there":

Teaching English overseas
Serving in a missions capacity somewhere in the world (even in the US)
Apprenticeship
Entrepreneurship
College
Tech School

These are just some of the things they can do. I think that we have to live life fully and do what the LORD would have them do, not what we want for them.

[8FillTheHeart]

For our family, college is about a job. Financially we can't afford for 7 kids to go to school for reasons other than for it to ultimately lead to their financial independence.

At this particular moment, I am simply hoping that my mentally ill 16 yos doesn't end up in jail. I don't know whether or not he will go to college. I am just trying not to give up on him.

Edit:
I wanted to edit this post, but since Barb quoted it, I guess I will just add to it. I posted that last night after our ds had had about a 6 hr temper tantrum and I was extremely exhausted. I just don't want to leave it the way it is though, b/c it is unfair to my ds. I have posting regret. :(

I am disgusted by the quality of health care in this country for the mentally ill. When we were in TN and were desperately seeking help, our choices were to either continue with the status quo, send him to a mentally ill equipped "school" at the cost of over $5500 per MONTH (who on earth can afford that!!), or to surrender custody of him so that the state would finance his care but we would lose all control over what his treatment was.

Thankfully we have moved to an area that has a neuro-behavioral center and medical options here are much greater (one of the deciding factors on our making the decision to move. That and the military day school he is attending and loving.) Overall, his behavior has been more stable, but he made up for it last night! In 2 weeks we begin our new medical odyssey here. I am very hopeful that those appointments will lead to more effective treatment. If it doesn't, then I don't know what the future ultimately will hold for him. That is a very scary vision. Let's just say when I see the homeless or read the papers about someone who has done something totally sponteously without really meaning to cause the harm they did......I now wonder what % are mentally ill that can't afford treatment or for whom no one has sought treatment. My gut tells me the % is extremely high. I can also easily see my ds falling into either of those categories quite easily if someone can't help him.

Sorry for the shift in the thread. Sorry for the rant. Most of all, I'm sorry that anyone has to live with mental illness.

[Barb F. PA in AZ]

For our family, college is about a job. Financially we can't afford for 7 kids to go to school for reasons other than for it to ultimately lead to their financial independence.

At this particular moment, I am simply hoping that my mentally ill 16 yos doesn't end up in jail. I don't know whether or not he will go to college. I am just trying not to give up on him.


:grouphug: Mom of 7

[Chris in VA]

Know how you feel. Hugs to you.

[Susie in CA]

College is not our ultimate goal. Education is!!! You can get a wonderful education in many different ways. College is just one of them.

Our main goal is to prepare our boys to choose any of the options available when the time comes. Yes, we prepare them for college but I will be happy with any paht they choose as long as they turn into happy and independent adults.

Susie

[Margaret in GA]

My husband and I are both college educated. In fact we go back several generations on my side of the family. It was very, very important that all seven of us went to college- especially us girls as my mom and grandmother wanted us to be independent bread winners. But... my husband and I have really been questioning this for our kids the last few years. I mean, college is so expensive these days and I don't know if the college I attended will give my kids as good of an education as I had. I wonder if it wouldn't be better to do some college in high school and maybe take a year to figure out what you want to do and then just do it. I am guessing that a large percentage of our college educated workforce is in sales-- do you really need a $40-60K degree to sell clothing, computers, or real estate? I dunno. I guess I'm hoping my kids will get most of what they need in high school and then on their own from books and a life-long desire to learn. Obviously, some careers require a college or even advanced degree. But, if my kids want to be farmers, carpenters, or salesmen I just don't know.

[Maria/ME]

You know how someone comes along and kind of just says what you were thinking but you put it in SUCH a complicated way. I think that Susie in CA and Margaret in GA just did that. Margaret I have SO been thinking along these lines and wondering what alternatives could be successful, which is why I started this thread. I have seen lots of kids around me in the hs community who are taking college courses while still finishing up high school. And yes, Susie, isn't it all about Education no matter where we get it?

Someone posted a wonderful list of alternatives to check out....mission work, travel, apprenticeships....great ideas!

[Karen in CO]

I have told my dc that a college degree will give them more choices later in life. I have a degree and my dh doesn't. We both work in the computer profession. It has been easier for me to get jobs than for him because of the degree. I have also always made more than him because of the degree.

I was the first in my family on either side to attend college. It has always been very important to me for my children to get a college education and a degree. I do not want to see them grow up limited as adults by choices they made as teens.

I won't tell my kids what to do with their lives after college, but I have always stressed that college will open doors for them throughout their lives.