How often do your college sons call home?

[amary]

I hear they don't call very often and I'm wondering what exactly that means :ohmy:

[8FillTheHeart]

Honest answer......how ever often they need something from you.

Last semester my ds called about once every 3 weeks. This semester he decided he didn't want a meal plan and is cooking in the crockpot. I sometimes hear from him 3 times in one day. However, he is very succinct. The majority of our conversations last less than 20 sec.

[LN in WI]

will call every week (With all those new smilies, there is not one with his fingers in this ears to show that I am blindly going to believe this no matter what you say till my three little boys grow up and never call me.)

That being said, my brother who is a college junior has called me three times: (and no, none of those times was after he received a care package from me) once he thought he had a hernia, once for my dd's birthday, and once when he wanted a recipe to cook dinner for a girl!

I love him anyway.:001_smile:

Ellen

[Danestress]

I hear they don't call very often and I'm wondering what exactly that means :ohmy:


Mine usually calls once or twice a week and he's pretty chatty when he does call. Sometimes he catches me on AIM if I have it on - I tend to forget.

[Remudamom]

Our's calls every other day. He's home for Spring Break right now, and when I asked him how often he thought he called he said "Quite a bit".

He'll tell us how classes are going, or something goofy a roommate did, but mostly he calls to listen to us jabber at him.

[strider]

When dh was a freshman at college it just didn't occur to him to call home, despite the fact that he had (and still has) a warm, loving, friendly relationship with his parents. He was just crazy-busy and didn't think about it one way or the other.

His mother was soooooo hurt.

Eventually his mother told him how his lack of calling made her feel, and they agreed to a specific time to speak on the phone once a week. Either party could request to change the time if need be, but one way or the other they would speak at least once a week.

It worked well. Dh stayed warmly connected with his parents and was glad of it.

[Raders Fan]

I think our son might never call. But we got a webcam, the best technology that has ever been invented, I think. I love it. We chat with him at least 2-3x a week, and we actually get to see him. He sees his little sisters. It's fabulous. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Jennifer

[Cadam]

When I went to University my dad started calling once a week, just to say hi. I didn't appreciate it then and he stopped for a few years but now he is calling again and I like it. I am glad he took the initiative to keep up a relationship. He did the same thing for my siblings.

[PiCO]

I hear they don't call very often and I'm wondering what exactly that means :ohmy:

I very rarely called, and only went home to visit over winter and summer breaks. My parents called me every now and then- maybe once a month.

My daughter doesn't call when she's on vacation at her Aunt's house, she's just too busy to think of calling. I don't take it personally- I'm glad she's happy where she is. I call her when I want to.

I've never understood why a parent would get their feelings hurt because a child does not call.

[Danestress]

I've never understood why a parent would get their feelings hurt because a child does not call.


Because talking is a way of maintaining closeness for some people, and so not talking feels like "don't want to have a close relationship with you."

That said, I think I called my parents less often than my son calls me, even though I would say I was pretty close to them.

[PiCO]

Because talking is a way of maintaining closeness for some people, and so not talking feels like "don't want to have a close relationship with you."


I understand why people want to talk, I don't understand why people get upset if their dc does not call them. I think if you want to talk to your child, you should just call them. What I don't understand is people who get their feelings hurt because their child doesn't take the initiative to call.

Seems kind of passive-agressive to me. However, I know some people who really do get their feelings hurt when their child doesn't call, and I would like to understand this phenomenon.;)

[Danestress]

I understand why people want to talk, I don't understand why people get upset if their dc does not call them. I think if you want to talk to your child, you should just call them. What I don't understand is people who get their feelings hurt because their child doesn't take the initiative to call.

Seems kind of passive-agressive to me. However, I know some people who really do get their feelings hurt when their child doesn't call, and I would like to understand this phenomenon.;)

I don't know what to say. When I read someone say their child called once every three weeks, I have to admit that would make me sad. It would hurt me because I would probably (rightly or wrongly) assume that my child doesn't really want to call me, else he would.

I don't think it's passive aggressive to feel that. I think it's our behavior that is passive aggressive. If a Mom feels sad but copes with her feelings in a healthy way, that seems okay to me.

Sometimes those changes in a relationship can be hard and cause some hurt feelings. It can be hard for parents as adult children grow up and make their own lives. It can be hard when they don't want you to come visit and see the new grandbaby or they choose to spend their vacation in Hawaii even if it means not seeing you that year, or when every year they visit the other set of inlaws for Christmas. All these things are entirely their choices and the parents of the adult child have to learn to cope, communicate, and deal with change. I'm not saying otherwise. But it's not a surprise to me that these passages can cause some mourning for a mother.

[amary]

I've never understood why a parent would get their feelings hurt because a child does not call.
Love longs to be with the beloved. That's just human nature. While love is an act of the will and should not really depend on feelings or emotions, feelings of attachment will develop when one chooses to love as one does with an infant and growing child.

If a parent is upset that the child is not calling and does nothing to remedy the situation, that would be their own problem. In our case it is almost impossible to reach our child by phone as the ones in the dorm hallway are always busy because the college has poor cell phone reception. The kids don't have phones in their rooms. When I was in college I only called home every other week, but then I was not close to my parents and wasn't with them 24/7 with them for 18 years. It's been about 5 weeks since we've heard from ds at college. This is something I never would have predicted a few years ago because he was always seeking us out to chat and enjoyed being with us and his brothers and sisters. I think this is one of those time to let go moments that seemed easier when the children were all younger.

[Mrs. H.]

I call my mom about once a week, and I talk to my dad about 5 times a year (because I have five kids).

My little brother (who lives thousands of miles away and is in the Marines) never calls anyone. We either have to chase him down for a week to get him to answer his phone, or text message him. He is always happy to hear from us when we call, and will chat for a long time, and when you text him, he always replies. This is how he and my mom talk all the time, through texts.

I think it's just easy for young people to get caught up in their own lives, and forget that there are those of us out there hoping/waiting to hear from them.

[WTMindy]

much better about calling his parents than I was about calling mine when we were in college and newly married and lived in other towns. He is very aware and thoughtful that way. So, it doesn't always have to do with sons vs. daughters. My plan someday is to not get hurt if they don't call, but call them lots! :-) I know from experience that a lack of a call does not mean lack of love. I love my parents like CRAZY!! We live in the same town with both parents now.

[amary]

Probably no one will read this follow-up, but out of the blue he called this evening. How weird is that! We had a wonderful 45 minutes conversation.

[PepperJo]

We make it a point to call our college freshman every Sunday night. He will call occasionally during the week but we make sure and keep the connection by making it an ongoing appointment. We call, he tells us about his week, we tell him what's been going on at home, etc. 'Works for all of us!

[WTMindy]

Probably no one will read this follow-up, but out of the blue he called this evening. How weird is that! We had a wonderful 45 minutes conversation.Oh, that's cool. He must have felt the vibes. :D

[lynn]

I hope my ds's check in atleast once a week. Every few days would be nice but being boys once a week I'd take.

[8FillTheHeart]

I don't know what to say. When I read someone say their child called once every three weeks, I have to admit that would make me sad. It would hurt me because I would probably (rightly or wrongly) assume that my child doesn't really want to call me, else he would.



LOL......It really doesn't bother me in the slightest that my ds hardly ever calls. He is extremely busy and has never liked talking on the phone. (except to his girlfriend. ;)) Even when he was living at home, his average phone call to his friends was about 10 sec....just as long as it took to say what time and where and get an answer.

I am glad that he feels secure enough to be able to cope with life away from home that he is making the adjustment w/o need for guidance. I worried that homeschooling might make him less able to handle the move from home to college. That hasn't been a problem at all.

If I thought he wasn't calling b/c of glee of separation from us.....that would hurt. But, I know it is simply more along the lines of typical self-centered egotism of teenagerhood. It simply doesn't occur to him that he should call b/c he is ok, life is ok, and there are things he needs to get done.

Now......if he called and told me he wasn't coming home over spring break or something like that......that would break my heart.

[Jenny in Florida]

Well, as always, I have to preface this by saying that my daughter may not be typical, given her age. However, she usually calls and checks in with us every day or two. In part, that's because my husband asked her to do so before she left, but she also says she just likes touching base with us. She and I, especially, are pretty close. So, she calls when she gets a good grade and wants to brag and also when she gets a bad one and wants to whine. She calls when she finishes a really good book and wants to chat about it and when she is assigned a book she really dislikes and wants to vent. She calls when she can't figure out what to have for dinner . . .

You get the idea.

At the beginning of last semester, when she was still finding her feet in terms of scheduling and so on, she called less frequently. This semester, though, she seems to have everything well in hand and even have time to get bored. So, she calls a lot.

For what it's worth, by the way, she certainly doesn't "have to" call as often as she does. She was away at camp for two weeks last summer without access to a phone and did just fine. She says she just likes to talk to us.

She does say, however, that she is unusual in this regard. Even in her program, in which all of the girls are young, many students talk to their parents only once a week and then under duress.

--Jenny

[Michelle in GA]

calls whenever he needs something. He attends college in state, and so, comes home on average every other weekend. I suppose that is why I don't get those, "I just called to say hello" calls. I will call him however, once during the week just to check in with him.