Whisperlily
03-10-2008, 11:18 PM
I don't know any other way to describe it, but my oldest DD (10) is a wonderful girl. Strong-willed, she stands up for what is right. She can be loving and caring, everyone who knows her says what a joy she is to be around. She won a citizenship award, and is a high achiever. I couldn't ask for her to be any *more* than she is, she's amazing.
It's her thinking patterns that I worry about. She has a tendency to see the world only through her eyes, and related to what *she* is going through. When she gets sick, she will comment that she has it worse than anyone else in the family did. Despite our attempts to balance opportunities for the kids, she will *forget* what we're doing for her and focus on what we're doing for the other kids. She has a brother with some special needs that do require attention, but we've been very good about making sure she and I have plenty of one-on-one time in the form of girls' nights out, etc. She is bothered by things she has to do for other people *if it wasn't her idea.* She is a glass half-empty kind of person and it worries me.
I am doing my best to help her with this struggle, but I wonder if there's another perspective on this.
She *tries* very hard to overcome this, and is more than willing to work on it. She's not a defiant girl, and these are very real, instinctive emotions. She'll talk through them with me, and we have a little code. When I can see the internal struggle, I'll often tell her "whose eyes are you looking through?" As a way of saying "Put yourself in their shoes." I'll point out how other people, even myself are in the same situation, but we choose how we react. It comes much easier for my other children.
My DH is cut from the same cloth, and I think it's genetic. Part of the reason we get along so well is that we can help each other see things a different way. (I love my DH, so this is coming from a caring perspective) I often think that if he had been taught some healthy thinking habits earlier in life, he could have avoided some major stress in his life. He's worked on it himself, and has made big progress over the years. My MIL is the same way. (DH wasn't raised by MIL, so it's not learned behavior) I love her dearly, but it's hard sometimes not to want to laugh when she's venting about something, and it's JUST the way DD or DH would have seen it. It's like they can't see the big picture, only what has affected them personally.
A long post to say, I want my DD to get in the habit of healthy thinking patterns. I think we're doing a pretty good job, and this is NOT a discipline issue, she'll often come to me saying "I know it's wrong, but I can't help but feel like...." And we always talk. I try to validate her feelings and help her work through them to a positive end without reprimanding, more like thought-coaching.
Are there any good books out there on this? It can be from a Christian perspective but it doesn't have to be. Bible Studies are good, she has a few devotional books for girls, but I want something specifically on training your thoughts.
It's her thinking patterns that I worry about. She has a tendency to see the world only through her eyes, and related to what *she* is going through. When she gets sick, she will comment that she has it worse than anyone else in the family did. Despite our attempts to balance opportunities for the kids, she will *forget* what we're doing for her and focus on what we're doing for the other kids. She has a brother with some special needs that do require attention, but we've been very good about making sure she and I have plenty of one-on-one time in the form of girls' nights out, etc. She is bothered by things she has to do for other people *if it wasn't her idea.* She is a glass half-empty kind of person and it worries me.
I am doing my best to help her with this struggle, but I wonder if there's another perspective on this.
She *tries* very hard to overcome this, and is more than willing to work on it. She's not a defiant girl, and these are very real, instinctive emotions. She'll talk through them with me, and we have a little code. When I can see the internal struggle, I'll often tell her "whose eyes are you looking through?" As a way of saying "Put yourself in their shoes." I'll point out how other people, even myself are in the same situation, but we choose how we react. It comes much easier for my other children.
My DH is cut from the same cloth, and I think it's genetic. Part of the reason we get along so well is that we can help each other see things a different way. (I love my DH, so this is coming from a caring perspective) I often think that if he had been taught some healthy thinking habits earlier in life, he could have avoided some major stress in his life. He's worked on it himself, and has made big progress over the years. My MIL is the same way. (DH wasn't raised by MIL, so it's not learned behavior) I love her dearly, but it's hard sometimes not to want to laugh when she's venting about something, and it's JUST the way DD or DH would have seen it. It's like they can't see the big picture, only what has affected them personally.
A long post to say, I want my DD to get in the habit of healthy thinking patterns. I think we're doing a pretty good job, and this is NOT a discipline issue, she'll often come to me saying "I know it's wrong, but I can't help but feel like...." And we always talk. I try to validate her feelings and help her work through them to a positive end without reprimanding, more like thought-coaching.
Are there any good books out there on this? It can be from a Christian perspective but it doesn't have to be. Bible Studies are good, she has a few devotional books for girls, but I want something specifically on training your thoughts.