Hi, it's me again, I need some more encouraging!

[A home for their hearts]

We just seem to be the little engine that can't! I was all prepared this morning to do some school work, but my dc weren't. As soon as I started my ds phonics lesson he immediately got a bad attitude. I just don't know how to deal with it. I get so frustrated that I just have to give up or I'll just lose my temper. What to do?! I'm so tired of these bad attitudes!:eek:

[Ginger]

I don't have any advice for you, but I wanted to let you know I'm going through the same thing with my ds7. My dh is even insisting I send him to school. So I'll be watching you answers closely!

[Jami]

I've found that sometimes sillying them out of it can help. Ds will get grumbly because he'd rather be building with Legos. So I'll tease him, "B you absolutely cannot smile or laugh on your way to the table. No! I see that smile, none of that. Don't you dare laugh." And tickle or mess up his hair on the way. A little wackiness from mom seems to go along ways with them.

But don't let them suck you into it. Just be straightforward, "sorry you'd rather be doing something else, kid, but your job is to learn and my job is to teach you, so we'd better just get to it." Once they start winding you up it's hard to recover.

Also, and this is a hard one for me, I go to bed some nights after a rough day and think of how lovely I'll *make* the next day. That I'll be sweet, happy momma and the kids will respond with goodness and light. And then...we wake up. LOL. The next day starts and someone grumps, I feel frustrated, they grump some more, I'm irritated that they're spoiling my lovely homeschool day, and on it goes. My expecations (sometimes unrealistic) set us all up for failure. Not to say that making choices to change our interactions and BE more of the kind of mother I want to be and need to be for my children, but just expecting overnight transformation (which I keep doing!) ends in frustration for all parties. ;)

Jami

[Kathy in MD]

We just seem to be the little engine that can't! I was all prepared this morning to do some school work, but my dc weren't. As soon as I started my ds phonics lesson he immediately got a bad attitude. I just don't know how to deal with it. I get so frustrated that I just have to give up or I'll just lose my temper. What to do?! I'm so tired of these bad attitudes!:eek:

of time when it's time to start school. He also likes to have some control over what subjects he does first. When ds was younger, I'd send him out and make him run around the parking lot where I could see until his attitude adjusted. Then I reset the clock on how long we would work on the subjects.

I've also discovered that bad attitudes occur more often when ds is short on sleep, had too much TV/video games or when I started the day by criticizing/pointing out mistakes. A complement to start the day works much better.

I wish I was the type to be able to joke ds out of his moods. I never thought that way and ds was the type to respond to it :(

[Jami]

I wish I was the type to be able to joke ds out of his moods. I never thought that way and ds was the type to respond to it :(

Well that's why it actually works here. I'm *not* a very jokey, silly mom. So when I am, it gets noticed. ;) And they think it's hilarious. I use my goofiness sparingly. :)

Jami

[Mama Bear]

Well that's why it actually works here. I'm *not* a very jokey, silly mom. So when I am, it gets noticed. ;) And they think it's hilarious. I use my goofiness sparingly. :)

Jami

Me too. :D

[Denise in IN]

Stacy, I would encourage you to focus on establishing a daily routine. Not necessarily a schedule, but a "list" of what's going to happen every day and in what order. Something like this: Breakfast, chores, schoolwork, 30 minutes free time after schoolwork is done. After lunch, read together 30 minutes, then quiet time for an hour. (Just a loose example.)

Pick a few basic school subjects that you want to start with. You can add in the rest of what you want to do gradually, after you've established good routines and habits.

After you decide on your school subjects and routine, talk with your kids about what your plans. Don't ask their permission or look for them to be excited. Just let them know your expectations. Then, most importantly, establish that until the schoolwork is completed, nothing else happens.

When you're doing schoolwork and the bad attitude/whining hits, I would respond like this: "We're doing school right now, and I expect you to have a good attitude and cooperate. I don't have time to waste on bad attitudes and whining. You can sit at your desk and let me know when you're ready to do your work with a good attitude." Then I would walk away. Be close enough to monitor and deal with the child if needed, but don't try to talk them into cooperation, or "wait" on them. Just go on with your day. Work with your other children, take care of the little ones, do your housework. Be matter of fact and calm, but firm. And, btw, I would not let them have anything at their desk (or wherever they are) except for the schoolwork.

We've had a lot of craziness in the last couple of years (building a house, moving), but we've been able to keep moving ahead with school, primarily because we had already established the expectation and routine of doing it every day. I still run into occasional bad attitudes, but I basically do what I outlined above. With four kids, I truly do not have time to coddle a child with bad attitudes. If they choose that path, they know their life will be rather boring and unpleasant. :cool:

Hang in there. You can do this! The hardest part is forging a new path with different expectations. Kids are going to resist, it's more fun to do other things. :rolleyes: But you might be pleasantly surprised at how quickly they come around once they know that you're going to be firm.

[WTMindy]

to the attitudes. I would start the day and say, "Today our main goal is to have a Christlike attitude. My main job is to raise you to obey the Lord, and the Bible says that you need to obey your parents with a cheerful heart." Then I would do a bunch of silly things and have them practice quick obedience (silly things, like turn around fast 5 times, touch their toes, etc.) Praise them for their obedience, laugh, be silly. Then tell them that you are going to do school and you expect the same attitudes. Tell them what the consequences are and then follow through every single time. Even if no grammar gets done. Best of luck on your journey!

[A home for their hearts]

I've talked some things over with my dh and have realized that the day was doomed from the beginning. I started off thinking that I wanted the kids to get their rooms in order before we started any school work. That was a big mistake, it put me in a bad mood and everything just went down hill from there. :rolleyes: I now know better. We need to do school work before anything else. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I know I really need to lower my expections. I do go to bed thinking, tomorrow will be a wonderful day, everything will get done and the kids will do it with a smile on their face...yeah, right!

[Mamagistra]

And then...we wake up. LOL. The next day starts and someone grumps, I feel frustrated, they grump some more, I'm irritated that they're spoiling my lovely homeschool day, and on it goes.

Yes, WHY do they do this?
http://easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-confused-smileys-737.gif (http://easyfreesmileys.com/);)

[Pencil Pusher]

After you decide on your school subjects and routine, talk with your kids about what your plans. Don't ask their permission or look for them to be excited. Just let them know your expectations. Then, most importantly, establish that until the schoolwork is completed, nothing else happens.

This is something I've been running into lately. Ds7 wakes up early (like BEFORE 5AM:eek:). In the past, he'd get something to eat, wait for dd4 to wake up (read: WAKE her up--cuz you need a buddy, right?), & they'd play until I got up, fixed 2nd b'fast, etc.

So when school started, *I* was interrupting *his* schedule/routine/whatever. Heaven forbid I get up early & start school before 8! (No, really. FORBID. I'd rather be sleeping.;))

Anyway, I gave him a list of AM chores. You know, get dressed (duh, but really, it needed saying), make your bed, pick up the bathroom (mainly whatever ickiness you left behind last night), etc. The last 2 things on that list are math & reading. He has a math drill game that he does & a paper to write down his times, then he reads. He might get an hr, he might get 10 min, depending on how the AM goes.

When I get up, I ask, have you done your AM chores? The 1st week it was cool & new & he never forgot. The 2nd week, he didn't do them once. By the end of the 3rd week, I barely have to ask. And the neat thing is, I can see a new sense of purpose & responsibility about it. It's expected. Not a question. So he does it.

And that carries over into the rest of his school work. My point to all this (sorry to ramble) was that he'd gotten the idea that playing was his primary objective. When I realized that, I also realized that that was my fault. Dh & I talked about ps schedules & how there wouldn't normally be any (home) play time before 3--& really, if your parents work, you ride the bus, etc., it might be Sat before you really get to play.

So ds does. not. get. playtime any more before school's done. If I'm busy w/ baby, he's doing independent work. If he finishes everything, then of course he can play, but if he dawdles, he might not get play time at all for that day. And that's ok. Because sch is a privilege, & dc who don't have that privilege WORK.:D

The whining is decreasing. I overheard him confess to dh tonight that he enjoyed the copywork I gave him today. (Copywork--like LOTS of copywork, kwim?--that's our severest form of punishment right now. For him to have reached a point of even KIND-OF liking it is nothing short of a miracle!)

So, good luck. Press on. And all that.;)