Do you feel like a homeschool outcast?

[wendzu]

We have just begun homeschooling and have looked into a couple of homeschool co-ops. The "problem" is when either my public school friends or my homeschool friends ask Why are you homeschooling, I get eyerolling and a you think your kids are so special sigh.... Thing is I just tell them the truth. I have cut down my response to: My daughter is 6 years old but is working at least 3 grade levels ahead in all subjects. I don't feel the public school system can meet her needs. I don't go into great detail, I am just trying to answer their question. Have you guys found the same level of misunderstanding?

[NayfiesMama]

I'd just say that we're gonna keep doing what we've been doing until we hit a brick wall. :-) We'll just keep learning with her till we can't.... and change the subjects. I try not to say my children are ahead or behind. They're just people learning and when I can't get them info fast enough, and I feel like a teacher with 20+ students can.... I'll give them back to a school.
Carrie:-)

[babysparkler]

We have just begun homeschooling and have looked into a couple of homeschool co-ops. The "problem" is when either my public school friends or my homeschool friends ask Why are you homeschooling, I get eyerolling and a you think your kids are so special sigh.... Thing is I just tell them the truth. I have cut down my response to: My daughter is 6 years old but is working at least 3 grade levels ahead in all subjects. I don't feel the public school system can meet her needs. I don't go into great detail, I am just trying to answer their question. Have you guys found the same level of misunderstanding?


I get the same reaction. I have started saying something like "PS just didn't work for him because he is working on a different level and with the number of students in each class they just couldn't work with him at HIS ability level." People who know him understand what I mean without any further explanation, and those who don't usually assume that he is working at a lower/remedial level and change the topic so that I won't feel so bad :laugh:. I don't mind if they think that way... and sometimes it even makes others feel better about their own childrens' progress and opens more doors for communication :)

[lionfamily1999]

I just say that the school was unable to deal with ds's needs. He's advanced, and sometimes that response makes it sound like he was behind, but it's the truth and it keeps people from getting that sneering, 'oh aren't you so special,' gleam to their eyes.

[Capt_Uhura]

I'm with lionfamily.....less is more.....I often just say "DS hated school and developed physical ailments b/c of it. He learns differently from most kids" THat usually ends the conversation. If pressed, I just say that HSing allows DS to pursue interests which are not typical (history, science).

[Jen in PA]

I agree with the previous posters -- there are ways to phrase it so that you are telling the truth, but not getting the eye-rolling. My dd is also 6, and I often comment that she was an early reader and would have found the heavy emphasis on learning to read in the lower grades to be frustrating. Lots of people seem to accept that, and saying "early reader" doesn't bother folks as much as if I said "gifted." I also say that we aren't big fans of the testing and test-prep focus in schools, which I'm sure some people interpret as meaning that DD does not test well. Again, I don't really care what they think, and the answer is an honest one.

[nova147]

My dd is also 6, and I often comment that she was an early reader and would have found the heavy emphasis on learning to read in the lower grades to be frustrating. Lots of people seem to accept that, and saying "early reader" doesn't bother folks as much as if I said "gifted." .

Thank you for this. I have been looking for a way to minimize the eye rolling -- this fits my son perfectly!

[melmichigan]

Yes, then toss in the fact that two of my children receive services from the school district, one with a partial enrollment, and I am in a definate minority. The less I say the better. :lol:

[AnitaMcC]

We have just begun homeschooling and have looked into a couple of homeschool co-ops. The "problem" is when either my public school friends or my homeschool friends ask Why are you homeschooling, I get eyerolling and a you think your kids are so special sigh.... Thing is I just tell them the truth. I have cut down my response to: My daughter is 6 years old but is working at least 3 grade levels ahead in all subjects. I don't feel the public school system can meet her needs. I don't go into great detail, I am just trying to answer their question. Have you guys found the same level of misunderstanding?


Most of the people we know, know about our situation so they are not surprised or concerned about us deciding to homeschool our twins for high school. Most of our friends know our kids are special-LOL. Special to us and so we want to do what we think is the path for our kids.

Basically all we say is that homeschooling is our best educational path for our twins. Then if they want more information I let them ask questions and then I just answer the questions they ask.

Most of the time they just want to know about hsing in general. Often they wonder how I will teach the math/science courses and how to get our kids into college from hsing.

If they ask specifically what our reasons are for hsing, I list several reasons.
-Safety (our zoned high school is known for discipline problems),
-Educational (we can meet the individual needs our kids want and the zoned high school is one of the lowest in academics for our county),
-Graduate early (our twins want to earn their associates degree by the time they are 18),
-Flexibility (we want more flexibility in our lives and homeschooling is very flexible,
-Go at the kids pace (faster or slower as needed).

If people want more information then I may say a bit about how 14yr old Ds has some special education needs while being extremely gifted and the schools have proven they are unable to meet our son's needs and he is already working at college level in some subjects. We tell how our 14yr old Dd wants to study music and our district offers very little in music program so she will take college classes.

[kokotg]

I don't get into that much detail. I hate the "why are you homeschooling?" question, actually, because I could probably name 50 reasons why it works better for us than public school would, and I have a hard time condensing it to something appropriate for casual conversation. But mostly I just say something about how we like the freedom it gives us to individualize the kids' educations.

[KAR120C]

I don't homeschool only because he's working ahead of grade level... so I generally just go with "It's been a great choice for us" or "It's really going great" and move on to something more interesting. Half the time what they really want to know is that I'm not going to spring out and attack their own choices, and the other half of the time they've either considered homeschooling themselves or have a friend or relative who homeschools, and they're honestly curious about how it goes.

Only rarely do I meet someone who really truly wants to know how we came to our choices in any detail, and then the honest truth is that when he was the age to start kindergarten, school wasn't really going to be a good fit for him. And by the time it might have been a better fit, we'd found our groove and didn't want to quit. If that's not enough then yeah, they can have the whole story, but I don't think I've told it more than twice.

[EKS]

I just say that it's what works best for our family. I don't discuss the giftedness issue unless I know the person really well.

[Jewel]

I just respond by saying we can work at our own pace fast or slow, can go on field trips that are of interest and homeschooling is a lot of fun. I never talk about what we are actually doing except the basics such as math, science, history, etc. I did have a friend suggest I send my youngest to school so it would be easier to help my oldest who has learning issues. I told her we have already covered first grade and she would be extremely bored. I stop there in explaining anything else. I only talk to my mother and my husband about what the kids are really doing. I have learned it is just better to say nothing about being ahead.

[lionfamily1999]

Dh has already decided that our youngest is staying home, no K, no preK, nothing. At two, he's already far enough ahead that all either of us see for him in ps is a ton of notes being sent home for not paying attention, interrupting, etc. He'd be bored out of his gourd!

Of course, when anyone asks, I say, we're keeping our options open. No sense in starting an argument ;)

[amsunshine]

Lately, I've been using this response: "It gives us a lot more more flexibility." Which it does. Not only flexibility in scheduling, but flexibility in curriculum choices, levels, etc. No need to mention that dc are advanced.

[coffee4]

I would nicely let others know that you love to spend one on one time with your children and this is a prime opportunity. What more could a mom ask for as they grow up so fast.

[zaichiki]

But mostly I just say something about how we like the freedom it gives us to individualize the kids' educations.

Bingo! Aint it the truth?! That's it in a nutshell, whether your kiddo is behind, ahead, loves music, or has specific academic goals. I also tell people that homeschooling gives my kids more time to play and pursue extracurricular activities than they would have if they were in school all day and had to squeeze things in during the evenings (with homework and dinner and everything). And that last one is the big thing I'm worried about now that ds is going to school for the first time. (Next week!) He's going to be surprised at how much less free time he will have. Wish us luck!

[jonnia]

I have answered this type of inquiry with a laugh and something like, "Oh, I'm doing the local school teachers a big favor, believe me!" Often that's enough. If someone is truly wanting to understand, I just answer questions as they come.

[KinderSafari]

I keep it simple.

I usually say "we homeschool" in a cheery, matter-of-fact voice, and wait for any reaction or questions (I rarely get any). So many people don't know what to say when I say we homeschool and I don't want to force them into a conversation they're not ready for.

If they want to ask why, or they have reasons why they could never do that, I have my answers ready! Always cheerful and light. :)

Don't you think the teachers are good enough?
My husband used to teach, we have many friends who are teachers - teachers have the HARDEST job in the world! We are blessed to be able to have JUST five kids in our school! What teacher wouldn't LOVE that ratio!?

Are your kids smarter than everyone else?
The kids are able to learn at THEIR individualized pace - faster when it's easier, slow down when they're struggling. It's great.

Aren't you worried about socialization?
Are we worried about socialization? Absolutely! That's why we homeschool! Our kids are WAY too social, and I want them to focus on academics! We get enough socializing in sports, activities and other things!

I could never do that!
Do I get drained? Absolutely! It IS hard having them around all the time! We schedule quiet time, and we work on respectful behavior all the time! It's something I'm choosing as a priority for this time in my life right now.

So your kids will always be homeschooled?
Will I do it forever? No idea! We take it a year at a time.


The impression I want to leave is: we're not special, anyone can really do this, it's not always easy, we're not judging anyone - please accept us - see that we're 'normal' people too, feel free to talk to us!

[wendzu]

Thank you everyone. I'm glad to know that it's not just me. I really am not trying to brag about my kids. I have nothing against public schooling and if my kids fit into their scope and sequence they would be there, but they don't. When the question is posed to me, I have found that homeschool moms are looking for me to bash the school system and public school mom's just think that I am ruining my children's lives. In the end, I really don't care what they think I just find it interesting that being academically advanced makes others so uncomfortable.

[Mommy22alyns]

To answer the question in your thread title, yes. Mainly because I'm not Christian and I don't use Abeka or something boxed. I keep my answers fairly minimal when anyone asks, and I emphasize that it's so I can work at the right pace for my girls.

[radiobrain]

I have a bit of a problem avoiding the TaG issue, as I am on the board of a gifted enrichment program and just about all the HSers here know it. I am a bit notorious. I am of the opinion that a LOT of kids who are HSed for non-religious reasons are some level of gifted. This just comes from my own experience.

I rarely get asked the question, but when I do I am the one who rolls MY eyes and reply that I have so many different reasons, it is hard to narrow down.....

[Nan in Mass]

I say this, too. I say that my children don't learn well in school (sounds like the child's problem) and if I have to elaborate, I say that my older one tried it and it didn't work out well at all, and that the youngest taught himself to read the year before kindergarten so it seemed like a good idea to homeschool him until the rest of his class caught up, and then we just kept on doing it because it was working ok. If I have to elaborate even more, I say that we know we can't sent the older one to school, and that homeschooling is nicer if there are two students. The trick is to make it sound like the problem is with the child, not the school system. I say my children are odd, too, if forced to describe them.

[Kalah]

I don't mention Huck's giftedness anymore. I just say, "Oh, he works differently than most kids which makes learning in a typical classroom difficult." This leaves them not knowing why he's "different" and everyone I met has not wanted to ask. :o I'ts a bit deceptive but it works and avoids the risk of their eyes rolling out of their heads. LOL

[shiloh]

I rarely answer the why question.

I say instead that homeschooling has worked out really well for us so far.

Or I say we're just so happy.

Or I say we enjoy the flexibility of being able to travel without being attached to a traditional school schedule.

I've been at this a very long time and I have found that it is really easy to offend just about anyone when you define your reasons through negative comparatives.

[talexand]

I'm not great at coming up with a quick answer so I usually just say that they don't fit that well in school, they are a little too far ahead and teachers have too much going on to be able to deal with that very well. I say it in a friendly and somewhat apologetic voice so that no one could take it as a boast or a criticism of the school. But this is usually adressed to parents of the public school kids. Since my kids go to school half time we don't hang around with homeschoolers. We just don't have time to and school is their social outlet.

[Blessedfamily]

"I homeschool because I get to choose some fantastic curricula that the ps teacher doesn't have the freedom to choose. And I can even tailor that."

[alexfam]

I've had a few both public school friends and homeschool friends. The one thing that really bothers me is when the homeschool coops start actting like public schools. For example my son is 3 years ahead in math but he coop will not let me put him at his academic level. They say they have to go by his age and be placed with age peers and the age cut off date is Sept. 1 (like the school system). Didn't homeschoolers get out of the PS b/c they didn't like the way they where doing things? Then why does the coop actting like PS. UGH!!!!

[zaichiki]

I've also found a LOT of homeschoolers stuck on age/grade. The homeschoolers where I now live set up all kinds of classes and groups (sometimes in their homes, sometimes at community buildings), but they nearly always list an age minimum. Some will even list a grade minimum.

I think they sometimes do this to be exclusionary. I hate to say it, but one class in particular listed ages from 7 and up last year... and this year the age minimum is 8. The leader's youngest homeschooled daughter is 8 this year. Interesting... I *know* my 7 y.o. dd would be interested, but I didn't even bring it up with the leader. We've had this age minimum discussion before. She, and other moms here, are very invested in it. They say it's important for developmental reasons and as a way to limit the size of the group. Sigh. Using *age* to limit the size of the group??? I think they're wanting to include certain kids and exclude others. If it was just about limiting the size, why not "the first 10 kids to respond" or something? If it's developmental... well, then be specific when announcing the group and mention the actual developmental milestones needed.

Personally, when I set up a group -- if I feel there are some pre-reqs skill-wise, I'll mention the skill set (ability to read or whatever), but NEVER an age.

Cheers!

[Hillary in KS]

When asked why we've chosen to homeschool, I just answer, "Because it works well for us." Honestly, not many people press for details after that.

[patchfire]

Do I feel like a homeschool outcast? Yes. Not that people ask why we've chosen to homeschool (rarely have I gotten that question), but because we're both secular homeschoolers and rigorous, scheduled, use-curriculum-and-follow-a-detailed-plan homeschoolers. We just don't "fit" many places.

[Renai]

When asked why we've chosen to homeschool, I just answer, "Because it works well for us." Honestly, not many people press for details after that.

:iagree: This is my standard answer as well.

[Truscifi]

Do I feel like a homeschool outcast? Yes. Not that people ask why we've chosen to homeschool (rarely have I gotten that question), but because we're both secular homeschoolers and rigorous, scheduled, use-curriculum-and-follow-a-detailed-plan homeschoolers. We just don't "fit" many places.

:iagree: There isn't a secular group in our area. We did join one of the religious groups for the coop classes and field trips. Ds does fine with the kids, but I just don't have anything in common with the other parents. I usually wind up watching the toddlers while they discuss the latest church project or something.

[RanchGirl]

You've got two things that might be differentiating you here -- homeschooling itself and giftedness. It could be either or both.

If you want to connect with these people, I would suggest don't start out with letting them know your kid is gifted, working ahead, etc. I know you're just being honest -- believe me I get that!! But it will come across as bragging just because of other people's issues, not because of you. And who knows, they may have kids that are working 4 years ahead of grade level but they're dealing with it in a different way than you are (and maybe feeling guilty or defensive about it). Instead you could say something like "homeschooling helps us customize his education to his particular needs" or "he needed something more personalized".

I don't feel any need to let people know that my kids are gifted/accelerated, I just let them know we're homeschooling for now because we decided it was best for the boys and worked for our family. When I say we're doing it "for now", but we take it one year at a time, it seems to be less um, alienating (for lack of a better word) to our public school acquaintances. And we have a lot of interaction with them through the boys' sports. They have made many close friends that way, in fact their best friends are public schooled. I want my kids to be able to interact with all kinds of people and they really connect through sports, their particular passion -- regardless of education choices or level of giftedness.

We've been able to make many friends this way and I'd like to think we are good examples to them of homeschoolers. After I get to know other moms I often hear things like they wish they could do it if they didn't have to work, or at least "I admire you but I could never do it". So yes I feel different, but not like an outcast, just we're in a different situation, but our kids come together through sports, or Cub Scouts, or whatever.

Definitely get involved in a co-op, but again there don't lead with comments on giftedness or advancement, you're going to find lots of homeschoolers doing it for a variety of reasons and with kids at all levels. If you want to discuss your child's giftedness, I suggest you save it for close friends, grandparents who love to talk about their genius grandchildren, or your local gifted support group, or this board -- where parents will understand your comments better.

[melmichigan]

:iagree: Couldn't have said it better. Which is why I say nothing... :001_smile:

[melmichigan]

You've got two things that might be differentiating you here -- homeschooling itself and giftedness. It could be either or both.

If you want to connect with these people, I would suggest don't start out with letting them know your kid is gifted, working ahead, etc. I know you're just being honest -- believe me I get that!! But it will come across as bragging just because of other people's issues, not because of you. And who knows, they may have kids that are working 4 years ahead of grade level but they're dealing with it in a different way than you are (and maybe feeling guilty or defensive about it). Instead you could say something like "homeschooling helps us customize his education to his particular needs" or "he needed something more personalized".

I don't feel any need to let people know that my kids are gifted/accelerated, I just let them know we're homeschooling for now because we decided it was best for the boys and worked for our family. When I say we're doing it "for now", but we take it one year at a time, it seems to be less um, alienating (for lack of a better word) to our public school acquaintances. And we have a lot of interaction with them through the boys' sports. They have made many close friends that way, in fact their best friends are public schooled. I want my kids to be able to interact with all kinds of people and they really connect through sports, their particular passion -- regardless of education choices or level of giftedness.

We've been able to make many friends this way and I'd like to think we are good examples to them of homeschoolers. After I get to know other moms I often hear things like they wish they could do it if they didn't have to work, or at least "I admire you but I could never do it". So yes I feel different, but not like an outcast, just we're in a different situation, but our kids come together through sports, or Cub Scouts, or whatever.

Definitely get involved in a co-op, but again there don't lead with comments on giftedness or advancement, you're going to find lots of homeschoolers doing it for a variety of reasons and with kids at all levels. If you want to discuss your child's giftedness, I suggest you save it for close friends, grandparents who love to talk about their genius grandchildren, or your local gifted support group, or board -- where parents will understand your comments better.

:iagree: Couldn't have said it better, which is why I say nothing. ;)

[RanchGirl]

Thanks Mel! :) Also I forgot to add that even when you say nothing, the people who get to know your child will usually eventually notice it themselves. It's not a state secret by any means! But somehow if they have made the discovery on their own, they feel more comfortable with it...perhaps because by then they know my sons and/or me well enough to know we have plenty of areas of "ungiftedness" to balance things out haha!

[Kalah]

Do I feel like a homeschool outcast? Yes. Not that people ask why we've chosen to homeschool (rarely have I gotten that question), but because we're both secular homeschoolers and rigorous, scheduled, use-curriculum-and-follow-a-detailed-plan homeschoolers. We just don't "fit" many places.

This is me to a T. It's good to know I'm not the only one. Now, do you live anywhere near me? LOL

[transientChris]

I am teaching a class this year at a homeschool co-op. I did specify grades but was flexible. THe class is US Government/Ecomonics.
I had two concerns. One was that economics needed Algebra as a pre-req so I didn't care what age your child was for that part, you needed to have done algebra. The other issue was current events. We would be covering those and discussing those. This past year that would potentially include such topics as Gov. Sanford's behavior, Chris Brown beating and choking Rihanna,slavery in hair salons in NJ, ramifications of health reform policy, murder of the late term abortion doctor, etc, etc. I feel fine discussing these ideas with high schoolers. Younger children, it completely depends on their maturity. I do have a 13 year old who will be in the class. Most others will be 15-18. Do I think a 10 year old who has finished Algebra is good in the class? No. And that is because of the second point. I am not going into graphic details on whatever unsavory issues come up but I still think that the kids should be old enough to understand what adultery is.

[zaichiki]

Chris,

Instead of saying a 10 year old (regardless of the fact that the child has done Alg I) isn't a good fit due to age, why not be specific about the reason: discussion of adultery. I think it's really important to remember that children do not have the same life experiences based on age. I can imagine that a 10 year old whose own family has dealt with adultery might be very well versed on what it is. There could be a 10 year old who is very intersted in the news and has followed certain stories, for whatever reason.

I know my own 10 year old would NOT be well versed on the specific topics you mentioned and I would NOT want him in that class. (He has also not yet done algebra.) BUT I think it's important to remember that not all 10 year olds do have the same life experiences. There could possibly exist a 10 year old who could handle and participate in a class like the one you mentioned. I know the "outliers" are few and far between, but they do, nonetheless, exist. Why not keep an open mind?

[Reya]

Try saying, "We want her to reach her full potential," and leave it at that!

[jlovebaker]

I rarely answer the why question.

I say instead that homeschooling has worked out really well for us so far.

Or I say we're just so happy.

Or I say we enjoy the flexibility of being able to travel without being attached to a traditional school schedule.

I've been at this a very long time and I have found that it is really easy to offend just about anyone when you define your reasons through negative comparatives.
Perfect!!! I think it's strange to tell someone you don't know that well all the details of your kids' grade levels and IQs, or even to say that the public schools are not good enough for you. There's nothing wrong with those being your reasons to homeschool :) but no need to share it with acquaintances or get upset because people ask. Most people who ask probably don't care that much but are just making conversation. Just my two cents!

[Charles Wallace]

We have just begun homeschooling and have looked into a couple of homeschool co-ops. The "problem" is when either my public school friends or my homeschool friends ask Why are you homeschooling, I get eyerolling and a you think your kids are so special sigh.... Thing is I just tell them the truth. I have cut down my response to: My daughter is 6 years old but is working at least 3 grade levels ahead in all subjects. I don't feel the public school system can meet her needs. I don't go into great detail, I am just trying to answer their question. Have you guys found the same level of misunderstanding?


No, because I basically don't go there. We just say that we could provide our daughter with a good education and that we loved teaching her. This is also true, but not necessarily the largest slice in the "Why We're Homeschooling" pie chart.

[Charles Wallace]

I've had a few both public school friends and homeschool friends. The one thing that really bothers me is when the homeschool coops start actting like public schools. For example my son is 3 years ahead in math but he coop will not let me put him at his academic level. They say they have to go by his age and be placed with age peers and the age cut off date is Sept. 1 (like the school system). Didn't homeschoolers get out of the PS b/c they didn't like the way they where doing things? Then why does the coop actting like PS. UGH!!!!

Wow, what's up with that?:confused:

[WendyK]

We are definitely the outcasts of the outcasts (for so many reasons). I just don't go into detail when people ask why we homeschool. I say something about not being happy with the quality of our local schools. Most of the time that is satisfactory. I find the question is somewhat like the question "how are you". A lot of people ask "how are you" and really aren't interested in any real answer. They ask "why do you homeschool" immediately upon finding out you do. Then they kind of get a glazed look in their eye when you tell them. Even other homeschoolers! I guess I missed that part in Socialism 101 where I am not supposed to give people real answers to their questions. (Whew, I must have PMS or something! :lol: That sounds rather snarky when I reread it.)

And yes homeschool activities, coops, etc have all turned out to be much like the public schools when it comes to where children are supposed to be placed. So I don't get involved with anything academic. With something like an art or hobby course it isn't an issue.

[Laura Corin]

I give even less detail. I tend to say something like, "Home education suits our family."

Laura

[BillieBoy]

I think I approach it situationally. If they are genuinely intrigued and want to know why I give it to them. You never know when you "convert" :001_smile:. Similarly though if I feel it's asked with a raised lip then I give the curt, quick but polite answer.

[jlovebaker]

... we were converted after my kids went to pub school from K until 3rd and K until 5th and I'm sure the two families that convinced me have no idea! One told me (a college professor by the way) that she did it for her three kids in middle school only (two were in college at the time) and the other had young kids and said it made her family life more manageable (great for us because two of our three kids are competitive in baseball). I listened but didn't agree aloud until I mulled over what they said ... both ideas stuck with me - and whammo! I'm a homeschooler.

So maybe the moral is, people are just making conversation (not a bad thing) and it's not like they don't care at all but are just getting to know you and don't mean anything evil and, on top of it, you never know who you may inspire. I am proof of that! Kudos to your good attitude, Billie Boy!

[Medieval Mom]

We have just begun homeschooling and have looked into a couple of homeschool co-ops. The "problem" is when either my public school friends or my homeschool friends ask Why are you homeschooling, I get eyerolling and a you think your kids are so special sigh.... Thing is I just tell them the truth. I have cut down my response to: My daughter is 6 years old but is working at least 3 grade levels ahead in all subjects. I don't feel the public school system can meet her needs. I don't go into great detail, I am just trying to answer their question. Have you guys found the same level of misunderstanding?

I haven't read all the responses, so I'm sorry if I repeat. When someone asks this of us, I simply say, "Homeschooling is the best fit [or choice] for our family right now." If they press, I say, "We started homeschooling in Kindergarten, and we both loved it so much that we decided to continue with it." I never mention that my son is working so far ahead....;) (Usually my son is with us, and I really don't want to be discussing his "levels" in front of him, either.)

[StartingOver]

I have learned from many years of homeschooling, not to give any more info than required. If they ask why - Homeschooling fits our life style better. If they ask what grade - I give them the age related grade. If they ask what curriculum - I give them names of the books not the level.

It is just so much easier.

[Hillary in KS]

I have cut down my response to: My daughter is 6 years old but is working at least 3 grade levels ahead in all subjects. I don't feel the public school system can meet her needs.

LOL.

Sometimes less is more. I would just say, "It works for us" and then move on. "How is your little Jenny doing in dance class?" or whatever.

If they don't know you well enough to know why you're homeschooling, they don't need the kind of details you're giving them. :)

[tracymirko]

I just respond with great confidence, as in "Are you kidding? There is no way ps would work for dd! Have you seen her read!" When you respond as if your choice to homeschool is the only reasonable option, most people feel obligated to agree with you.

[LisaDSB]

Deleted. Don't mind me...

[Dinsfamily]

I have learned from many years of homeschooling, not to give any more info than required. If they ask why - Homeschooling fits our life style better. If they ask what grade - I give them the age related grade. If they ask what curriculum - I give them names of the books not the level.

It is just so much easier.

This is a lesson I've learned early. Mostly I've found that most people really don't care and if I try to answer they will often get defensive thinking that I'm slamming ps and their parenting (which is not at all the case.)

I decided to hs before I knew my dc were advanced (even before they were born) because of our faith and general parenting reasons. Now that the oldest two have academic giftings, it seems like a great fit for that too. However, it seems that no matter what my reason, someone could be offended by it It's like they hear, "you have to hs to be a good Christian or a good parent" or "your kids aren't smart so ps works just fine for them." None of that I believe. So...I don't say anything unless they are generally interested. I do have several friends that are interested and don't internalize my reasons as their failings.

We don't know enough IRL hs'ers to feel like outcasts. If you add us to the three other families I'm close with, you have a nice cross section of the variety of hsing. People on boards seem to be pretty accepting of dc being accelerated.

[kpupg]

Have you guys found the same level of misunderstanding?

Yes. You are not alone :grouphug:

My kids are teens now, and to summarize our experience, there are basically three camps of inquirers. There are people who are comfortable with their own lives and decisions who say something to the effect of "that's cool." There are the deeply invested public school teachers who immediately launch into an inquisition on testing. Then there are the ordinary folk who are not so comfortable with their own lives and decisions who fall into two camps -- the "I could never do that" whiney type and the "you think you're so smart" jealous type.

Best defense I have found is to make sure I'm confident in what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Nobody can take that away from me. It helps that I am an older mother (first living child at age 35) and am already into that middle-aged don't-give-a-c***-what-anyone-else-thinks phase. ;)

I would also echo those who say not to give out more information than is necessary for the situation. Most people aren't necessarily hostile to home schooling or advanced learners, but then again most people don't really want to know about it. Offering that information can be interpreted as intimidating or arrogant by the less confident. OTOH, if they are seriously interested in the topic, as BillyBoy says, be ready to talk :)


:grouphug:

Karen

[MissKNG]

For me, I think I've gotten more "heat" on forums than ILR. But of course, no one knows how HSing came to be in this house. People just see a young kiddo working at a couple grades above age. I've even removed my signature from other boards to reduce the "heat".

And if I mention workbooks, oh do I get it from people!!! Apparently having a workbook/seat work loving young child is NOT normal!!

I also knew I was going to home school before I was even married because the Lord clearly put that upon my heart. Home schooling actually showed me just how incrediably bright my dd is. What a blessing!!

[LittleIzumi]

I usually just say she's starting to read and would be bored out of her mind learning "the letter A" in a year. And that I hate NCLB :lol:. (No Child Let Ahead, really....) And then The Drama is looking to be possibly 2E and so some people think it's great that I already HS The Sponge because it would be hard to have The Drama in PS anyway with her issues. She would give them a run for their money :lol:, sensory seeking and stubborn as all get-out.

But I might take their ages out of my siggy, as the "don't school them or even try to unschool them now, just let them all play all day long at THAT age" comments are getting unsettling. They would go mad with boredom, and do on the days when I'm not actively schooling them, even though they do have "educational toys." :glare:

[StartingOver]

For me, I think I've gotten more "heat" on forums than ILR. But of course, no one knows how HSing came to be in this house. People just see a young kiddo working at a couple grades above age. I've even removed my signature from other boards to reduce the "heat".

And if I mention workbooks, oh do I get it from people!!! Apparently having a workbook/seat work loving young child is NOT normal!!

I also knew I was going to home school before I was even married because the Lord clearly put that upon my heart. Home schooling actually showed me just how incrediably bright my dd is. What a blessing!!

:iagree:

In my home the children are pulling, I am just trying to keep up while kicking and screaming all the way.

I wish most folks wouldn't assume that we push our children, every child is different. Of my 5, two I assisted, two pulled me, and the last I think is going to pull even harder.

[StartingOver]

I usually just say she's starting to read and would be bored out of her mind learning "the letter A" in a year. And that I hate NCLB :lol:. (No Child Let Ahead, really....) And then The Drama is looking to be possibly 2E and so some people think it's great that I already HS The Sponge because it would be hard to have The Drama in PS anyway with her issues. She would give them a run for their money :lol:, sensory seeking and stubborn as all get-out.

But I might take their ages out of my siggy, as the "don't school them or even try to unschool them now, just let them all play all day long at THAT age" comments are getting unsettling. They would go mad with boredom, and do on the days when I'm not actively schooling them, even though they do have "educational toys." :glare:

Oh that is a good idea, heading to remove ages.

[patchfire]

I've even removed my signature from other boards to reduce the "heat".

I did that a month or two ago. I realized I was going to have to start asking questions on the high school board to get answers, but with my kids' ages listed? Yeah, I wasn't likely to get good answers. I'm not going to hide their ages completely, but no reason to make it stand out.

[MissKNG]

In my home the children are pulling, I am just trying to keep up while kicking and screaming all the way.



I feel like I'm being pulled like one of those tin cans tied to the back of the "just married" car that's racing to the honeymoon.

I even SLOWED my dd down by going from 5 days a week (her lead!) to 3 days a week. And by going through Horizons K instead of just plugging onto 1st grade math (we will supplement with 1st grade math). And by starting Horizons K in March instead of right after EB!! Yeah, that certainly sounds like hot housing :001_huh:! LOL!

[StartingOver]

I feel like I'm being pulled like one of those tin cans tied to the back of the "just married" car that's racing to the honeymoon.

I even SLOWED my dd down by going from 5 days a week to 3 days a week. And by going through Horizons K instead of just plugging onto 1st grade math (we will supplement with 1st grade math). And by starting Horizons K in March instead of right after EB!! Yeah, that certainly sounds like hot housing :001_huh:! LOL!

I understand totally. I read your blog. I lost it at one point, and was glad I found it again. My son has been through Sonlight P 3/4, P 4/5, everything WTM K, EB and Saxon K and still dragging me. I am getting ready to buy Core K and Core 1, and have collected most of WTM 1st. We are trying wider and deeper, but it is killing me LOL. There is hardly anyone I can talk to, although I am collecting some blogs so atleast I don't feel so alone.

It was easier my first time around, as I had kids of all stages.

[LittleIzumi]

I feel like I'm being pulled like one of those tin cans tied to the back of the "just married" car that's racing to the honeymoon.

I even SLOWED my dd down by going from 5 days a week to 3 days a week. And by going through Horizons K instead of just plugging onto 1st grade math (we will supplement with 1st grade math). And by starting Horizons K in March instead of right after EB!! Yeah, that certainly sounds like hot housing :001_huh:! LOL!

I tried slowing the Sponge down my using MFW K (at 4, since I pulled it from my siggy, lol), and she is soooooo bored by it. She just likes the fact that I get science books from the library and any excuse to do art. The rest--yaaaaawn/run away. Back to putting together my own K-3rd jumble of programs, lol. She is very excited.

[MissKNG]

I tried slowing the Sponge down my using MFW K (at 4, since I pulled it from my siggy, lol), and she is soooooo bored by it. She just likes the fact that I get science books from the library and any excuse to do art. The rest--yaaaaawn/run away. Back to putting together my own K-3rd jumble of programs, lol. She is very excited.

I couldn't take the 5 days a week anymore - that was HER LEAD!! I got the panicked "why??" when I told her that we are going down to 3 days a week for a bit! Had to breath a bit myself!!

[MissKNG]

I understand totally. I read your blog. I lost it at one point, and was glad I found it again. My son has been through Sonlight P 3/4, P 4/5, everything WTM K, EB and Saxon K and still dragging me. I am getting ready to buy Core K and Core 1, and have collected most of WTM 1st. We are trying wider and deeper, but it is killing me LOL. There is hardly anyone I can talk to, although I am collecting some blogs so atleast I don't feel so alone.

It was easier my first time around, as I had kids of all stages.

LOL! I check your blog too! I have most of our stuff for the fall bought and ready to go as well. I'm anxious to see how the math goes though!!

[StartingOver]

LOL! I check your blog too! I have most of our stuff for the fall bought and ready to go as well. I'm anxious to see how the math goes though!!

I have Saxon 1 & 2, Singapore 1 & 2, and just waiting to get my hands on TT 3 to check it out. Quince really enjoys the hands on, but he might like the computer too. And I might get to take a shower before dad gets home, if he does hehehe.

[LittleIzumi]

I couldn't take the 5 days a week anymore - that was HER LEAD!! I got the panicked "why??" when I told her that we are going down to 3 days a week for a bit! Had to breath a bit myself!!

"Are we going to do Silly Math??!!!!" (MUS) "Can I do ANOTHER experiment????!!!!" "I want to do my K workbook!" "A human BODY book???!!!" On and on and on and on :lol:

[StartingOver]

Ok if anyone on here has a blog that they are hiding.............. Please let me know. I have never found so many folks like us in one place before LOL

[LittleIzumi]

Ok if anyone on here has a blog that they are hiding.............. Please let me know. I have never found so many folks like us in one place before LOL

Hopefully once I stop working and dh starts school. Now I post on mine maybe once every six months--I'm too tired to string words together that coherently :lol:

[MissKNG]

"Are we going to do Silly Math??!!!!" (MUS) "Can I do ANOTHER experiment????!!!!" "I want to do my K workbook!" "A human BODY book???!!!" On and on and on and on :lol:

LOL! That all sounds familiar!!! :tongue_smilie:

[StartingOver]

I am not sure mine is always coherent, it does have lots of pictures and small posts. Sometimes I prewrite many posts....... so on days when I can't get to it, they just happen to be there LOL

[LittleIzumi]

LOL! That all sounds familiar!!! :tongue_smilie:

It's nice to be among friends :lol:

[Hotdrink]

My answer is "We home school because there isn't any reason for us to send the kids to school at this time." School is an institution, and you need a reason to institutionalize a person. I don't need a reason to not institutionalize my children. To ask why my kids aren't in school is a bit lit asking why am I not in prison? Or in a mental hospital? Or an old age home?

[jonnia]

On the subject of the children dragging us along in their eagerness to learn, I used to worry that I was trying to cover too much material and do too many things in a day. My son would look up at me at the end of our day and ask, "What else, Mom? Let's do some more!"

For now, I'm just trying to enjoy the ride!

[StartingOver]

On the subject of the children dragging us along in their eagerness to learn, I used to worry that I was trying to cover too much material and do too many things in a day. My son would look up at me at the end of our day and ask, "What else, Mom? Let's do some more!"

For now, I'm just trying to enjoy the ride!

I learned these lessons, thankfully, many years ago with my now 18 year old. This second time around is so more relaxed !! I will follow his lead, no matter what anyone thinks. The ball is in his court.

Enjoy it while you can, they will be teens soon, and most likely it won't be as easy then. :001_smile:

[nicholsonhomeschool]

I definitely go with the less-is-more approach. My most reliable response is, "home schooling is the best match for our family." And if more detail is requested I say that I can meet my sons where the are and I cherish our time together. Honestly I work in the afternoons and often evenings, so I lean on that too. I got a lot of this kind of questioning when I decided not to send my sons to the school where I teach..

[The Dragon Academy]

I feel like an outcast for a number of reasons.

In our local homeschool group I am the only mom who also has an outside job.
My DS has Tourette Syndrome which means we have special issues. Most people assume we homeschool because of the TS. In reality we made the decision because of DS's advanced abilities.
I am only hsing one of my children, the other is in ps. The other families homeschool all of their children.
I started hsing in junior high (last year) and the majority of our homeschool group is families with children under 10 who have been hsing since preschool. For those families with older children, they also have been hsing since preschool or early elementary.
95% of our group are strong Christians and attend the same church and Christian mom's group. Although we are Christian, we are not active in a church at the moment.

[The Dragon Academy]

After reading the rest of the posts I am guilty of giving too much information about why we hs.

I know why I do, too - the Tourette Syndrome. It is difficult not to see and hear the TS and I don't want that to define DS so I usually state how smart DS is. Over compensation on the part of the mom.

(hanging my head in shame)

[StartingOver]

After reading the rest of the posts I am guilty of giving too much information about why we hs.

I know why I do, too - the Tourette Syndrome. It is difficult not to see and hear the TS and I don't want that to define DS so I usually state how smart DS is. Over compensation on the part of the mom.

(hanging my head in shame)

Hold your head high mom. You are doing the best for you son. I think all kids are bright, some just pull harder than others. I know my 18 year old would not have accomplished half of what he did, if I hadn't homeschooled.

:grouphug:

[tracymirko]

My answer is "We home school because there isn't any reason for us to send the kids to school at this time." School is an institution, and you need a reason to institutionalize a person. I don't need a reason to not institutionalize my children. To ask why my kids aren't in school is a bit lit asking why am I not in prison? Or in a mental hospital? Or an old age home?

Love this. I think I will adopt it. ;)

[Truscifi]

I feel like an outcast for a number of reasons.

In our local homeschool group I am the only mom who also has an outside job.
My DS has Tourette Syndrome which means we have special issues. Most people assume we homeschool because of the TS. In reality we made the decision because of DS's advanced abilities.
I am only hsing one of my children, the other is in ps. The other families homeschool all of their children.
I started hsing in junior high (last year) and the majority of our homeschool group is families with children under 10 who have been hsing since preschool. For those families with older children, they also have been hsing since preschool or early elementary.
95% of our group are strong Christians and attend the same church and Christian mom's group. Although we are Christian, we are not active in a church at the moment.

I also have an outside job - one of 2 moms in our group that do. I have only one child, one of 3 moms in our group that do - and neither of those other moms is the one with a job. My ds is working multiple grade levels ahead, one of 2 children in our home school group doing so, and the only one at his age level. He participates in the gifted program at ps one day a week, the only child in our homeschool group to do so. And the big one - I am totally secular in all my curriculum choices and we are not a Christian family - the ONLY family in either homeschool group in our county, both of which are very conservative christian groups, that is not Christian.

We go on field trips and have done some coop classes, and ds gets along fine with the other kids, but I feel like an outcast. I have nothing to talk about with the majority of the other moms, and even the ones I can manage a real conversation with usually wind up trying to get me to visit their church or send ds to Sunday school at some point.

[Spock]

Thing is I just tell them the truth. I have cut down my response to: My daughter is 6 years old but is working at least 3 grade levels ahead in all subjects. I don't feel the public school system can meet her needs.

While it is probably true that your K/1 age daughter is functioning at at 2nd-4th grade level (or more), what other parents hear when you say this is not "The school lessons are at the wrong level for my child" (what you are trying to say) but "My child is too smart for the school, unlike YOUR child" (which you don't mean--but it IS what people tend to think you mean).

Therefore, it works best to say something like "Homeschooling lets us learn at her pace, and not have to rush through something she wants to learn more about or spend too much time on something she already understands." It also works to say "She doesn't fit well in the grade level system of public school", or "She is a little ahead in some areas, and homeschooling lets us work at the level she is ready for."

My second child finished all 6 books of Miquon by Christmas of 1st grade, and was working on NEM 2 (Singapore 8th grade) by January of 5th grade. He could also read before he was potty trained (not potty trained until 3.5yo, but still surprised me). I still phrased this as "good at math" and "a little ahead in some areas" to avoid conflict/ accusations of bragging. (My oldest was farther ahead in reading/writing/ logic, but has always struggled in math. My younger 2 are ahead in some areas, but not as much as the first two were.)

[Dinsfamily]

He could also read before he was potty trained (not potty trained until 3.5yo, but still surprised me).
:lol: I have one of those so this made me laugh!

[LittleIzumi]

We go on field trips and have done some coop classes, and ds gets along fine with the other kids, but I feel like an outcast. I have nothing to talk about with the majority of the other moms, and even the ones I can manage a real conversation with usually wind up trying to get me to visit their church or send ds to Sunday school at some point.

I have a full-time job too. :)

[MaMa2005]

The one thing that really bothers me is when the homeschool coops start actting like public schools. For example my son is 3 years ahead in math but he coop will not let me put him at his academic level.

:iagree: I just joined a co-op. DS is 4 and working on mostly first and second grade material - especially in math. Due to his age, he is in the Pre-K class. Yesterday, he came home with a math counting book - counting from 1-5!!! DS has learned to hold his tongue until we are alone, but he was angry. By the time we got home, he had out his math book and was emphatically telling me that he had made a 96% on his math test (taken in the morning) and would I please look and see that the test had him doing addition with regrouping using numbers that were in the thousands. (Thanks for letting me get that vent out of the way!)

We do not brag about DS's giftedness. As others have said, it becomes apparent very quickly if you spend any time around DS. My usual answer is that it gives us the flexibility to travel around DH's schedule (HS teacher and college professor).

[LittleIzumi]

:iagree: I just joined a co-op. DS is 4 and working on mostly first and second grade material - especially in math. Due to his age, he is in the Pre-K class. Yesterday, he came home with a math counting book - counting from 1-5!!! DS has learned to hold his tongue until we are alone, but he was angry. By the time we got home, he had out his math book and was emphatically telling me that he had made a 96% on his math test (taken in the morning) and would I please look and see that the test had him doing addition with regrouping using numbers that were in the thousands. (Thanks for letting me get that vent out of the way!)

We do not brag about DS's giftedness. As others have said, it becomes apparent very quickly if you spend any time around DS. My usual answer is that it gives us the flexibility to travel around DH's schedule (HS teacher and college professor).

:lol: Wow. 1-5? Wow....

[MissKNG]

:lol: Wow. 1-5? Wow....

Um, yes, I was thinking the same thing!!! Is that normal in a PreK class??:001_huh:

[skaterbabs]

I just respond with great confidence, as in "Are you kidding? There is no way ps would work for dd! Have you seen her read!" When you respond as if your choice to homeschool is the only reasonable option, most people feel obligated to agree with you.

Yep. My boys are 2E - Both are autism spectrum. Our county doesn't have services for high-functioning children on the spectrum. Dot taught herself how to read at 3, AND has a late (Oct) birthday. She'd have been placed in Kindergarten, despite reading on a fourth grade level and being halfway through 1st grade math. She's VERY outgoing, and I could just imagine the phone calls I'd be getting on a daily basis. "Mrs. B, Dot won't stop talking in class and is refusing to do her work." "What is the work?" "A page of math problems adding one through five." "You do know she's been doing that since she was three, right?" :tongue_smilie:

Um, yes, I was thinking the same thing!!! Is that normal in a PreK class??:001_huh:
Yep. Normal in a K class too.

[Dinsfamily]

Yep. Normal in a K class too.

:iagree:They haven't covered much more than that in the ps school near our house.

[LittleIzumi]

Yep. Normal in a K class too.

Really?? Gah. I'd only been paying attention to the letter stuff--they'll learn uppercase letters in K, when dd also taught herself to read at three. Talk about bored.

[MissKNG]

:iagree:They haven't covered much more than that in the ps school near our house.

Wow, the Kindergarten curriculum map for math has our ps kids counting to 100!!

[Dinsfamily]

Wow, the Kindergarten curriculum map for math has our ps kids counting to 100!!

Ours has counting to 100 by the end of the year too (starting in week 20). I'm guessing that they are around week 18-19 since the second quarter recently ended. Then, they discuss addition and subtraction the last 7 weeks of the year according to the plan. The boy that I watch after school hasn't brought home anything with numbers bigger than 10 yet. He did learn how to use tally marks which was pretty cool (one of my ds's favorite topics), but he couldn't really count them (skip counting by 5s).

I'm going to talk to his mom (one of my best friends) about letting him do Miquon math with us. She'll love the idea, but I don't want to overschool him (IFYKWIM). I'm hoping Miquon will be more like fun math games for them, but I'm not sure what expect. He already listens in on about 1/4 of our read-alouds and plays phonogram games with us. He's a very bright boy and is really interested in what my ds is doing in school. He HATED books at the beginning of the year (his words) and was very resistant to listening in with us, but now he really looks forward to reading-time (after months of enticing him with science books and the Bible--his favorites).

[mum]

I was mulling this very thing over as I drove yesterday. I even get the negative responses from my extended family. I only say the minimum, but it is sad that most people feel so threatened by others' choices that they feel they have to attack them. And it would be so nice to have someone who genuinely would just like to hear our stories and rejoice with the victories and commiserate over the difficulties, without any rivalry. I say to all of you, WELL DONE, and many blessings for each day.

[skaterbabs]

Really?? Gah. I'd only been paying attention to the letter stuff--they'll learn uppercase letters in K, when dd also taught herself to read at three. Talk about bored.

Yep. That's why we didn't send Dot to K this year. She had missed the K cutoff for last year by less than 3 weeks, so she'd have been 6 in K, reading well and doing 1st grade math while her classmates were learning "a says 'ah'" and "1+1=2".

Wow, the Kindergarten curriculum map for math has our ps kids counting to 100!!

By the end of the year, most kindergartens are doing so, but that means at the beginning of the year they're still doing 1:1 correspondance.

Here are my state's math SOLs for K:
http://www.doe.virginia.gov/testing/sol/standards_docs/mathematics/k-8/stds_mathk.pdf

[alecat]

I'd just say that we're gonna keep doing what we've been doing until we hit a brick wall. :-) We'll just keep learning with her till we can't.... and change the subjects. I try not to say my children are ahead or behind. They're just people learning and when I can't get them info fast enough, and I feel like a teacher with 20+ students can.... I'll give them back to a school.
Carrie:-)

I like that answer. It's very similar to that which I usually give, only I usually end my answer with "and when I can't feed my children enough information any more, then I'll pass them on."
.. I actually like your ending better. :)

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I really don't care what they think I just find it interesting that being academically advanced makes others so uncomfortable.

I have three great kids. Two were tested for giftedness in order to resolve a dispute over appropriate materials (the school officials were trying to play a game of gotcha and prove that my kids weren't up to what I said they were using). Turned out that one was gifted and his younger brother was profoundly gifted.

But my youngest is a totally different kid who is on his own timeline. He is great at math, but was much slower to read and is not reading at the same level that his brothers did at the same age. Some of this is because he is his own person with his own schedule. Some of it is because we have moved a lot during his K-2 years and he has often gotten the short end of the stick.

So I've been in both the position of having kids who were working far above their peers and having the child who just isn't there yet. Sometimes it is hard for me to feel joyful for another child's success when it is a reminder that I have so much father to go with my youngest.

I imagine that if I had a child who was struggling with school across the board or who had learning issues, that it would be even more cringe inducing.

Sometimes you just have to know that what you say will not be appreciated in the spirt that you intend it. The reactions may have nothing to do with you at all, but may be a reflection of the other mom's struggle because her kids aren't there and in some cases will never have the love of learning and easy mastery of subjects that your kid has.

FWIW, I also stopped telling many people about the incredible travels that we'd had in Europe. It just seemed that it was coming off as boasting to talk about our trip to the Athens or Rome or Paris when these were so completely beyond their vision.

[kpupg]

It just seemed that it was coming off as boasting to talk about our trip to the Athens or Rome or Paris when these were so completely beyond their vision.

or their pocketbook

[dangermom]

Yeah, I gotta say, if I could afford to take my kids to Europe I'd be there. It really makes me pretty sad that I can't, and I try not to think about it too much. I'm glad you can, but it would hurt a little to hear very much about it.

[Dulcimeramy]

nm

[zaichiki]

Yeah, I gotta say, if I could afford to take my kids to Europe I'd be there. It really makes me pretty sad that I can't, and I try not to think about it too much. I'm glad you can, but it would hurt a little to hear very much about it.

Does anyone think that some of those who do not have gifted children might feel this same way when they hear about our kids' skill development/experiences? Could it "hurt a little" to hear about it? I don't think I've ever thought about it from this perspective before...

[Dinsfamily]

Does anyone think that some of those who do not have gifted children might feel this same way when they hear about our kids' skill development/experiences? Could it "hurt a little" to hear about it? I don't think I've ever thought about it from this perspective before...

I think you have a good point...

[lionfamily1999]

Does anyone think that some of those who do not have gifted children might feel this same way when they hear about our kids' skill development/experiences? Could it "hurt a little" to hear about it? I don't think I've ever thought about it from this perspective before...
I think it really depends on the listener. I read the comment about trips to Europe and thought, oh I would LOVE to see pictures, I wish I knew them so we could all hear about it, what was it like, &tc. I can't afford to take my family there, yet, but I can dream and who knows, maybe one day we'll go. In the mean time, I'm happy to live vicariously through others :p I think the same could be said about advanced kids. My kids are smart, they get ahead in a lot of subjects, but some of their friends leave them in the dust. It doesn't bother me, so much as I'm glad my kids are friends with kids that can teach them.

I think there was a thread that covered this whole idea. In that one I pretty much said, instead of comparing, I'm just glad to be somehow related to greatness (even if it's through a friend).

So, I think it's all in perspective.

[Donna]

Does anyone think that some of those who do not have gifted children might feel this same way when they hear about our kids' skill development/experiences? Could it "hurt a little" to hear about it? I don't think I've ever thought about it from this perspective before...

I agree with lionfamily...it depends on the listener. I am also one who loves to hear about other people's vacations, what other children are doing, etc...

As a parent, I figured out pretty quickly which of my friends and family would want to share in what my kids are doing. It is fairly easy to read the vibes. I understand what you are saying...maybe it is difficult for others and those are the people with whom I tend to not share. I don't know whether it is because it hurts them or makes them uncomfortable. It is difficult and puts a strain on a relationship when it becomes one-sided...ie. you can share about your life with me but I must tread lightly and not share with you for whatever reason...though I know those types of people in my life tend not to even notice the strain. :glare:

[lionfamily1999]

I agree with lionfamily...it depends on the listener. I am also one who loves to hear about other people's vacations, what other children are doing, etc...

As a parent, I figured out pretty quickly which of my friends and family would want to share in what my kids are doing. It is fairly easy to read the vibes. I understand what you are saying...maybe it is difficult for others and those are the people with whom I tend to not share. I don't know whether it is because it hurts them or makes them uncomfortable. It is difficult and puts a strain on a relationship when it becomes one-sided...ie. you can share about your life with me but I must tread lightly and not share with you for whatever reason...though I know those types of people in my life tend not to even notice the strain. :glare:
I have friends like that too. They used to make me feel guilty, especially when we'd talk about our kids. Ds has so many avenues opened up now that we hs and some of his ps friends' parents didn't take it well that he was doing all this "cool" stuff. I just don't mention school to them anymore. If their kids do well they get a hurray from me, but I keep mum (there's no sense in hurting their feelings). I also have a few friends that are ordering Prima Latina and Hey Andrew! so their kids can learn with ds. Now, those friends get to hear about everything, because they want to be included. Our mentos/coke bomb set off a flurry of 2 liter buying amongst those friends.

I understand it, it would be easy for me to covet my life away, we're not the Joneses by far. I choose, instead, to see all the positives of being friends with the Joneses.

[zaichiki]

I think it really depends on the listener.

Oh definitely. :iagree:

[zaichiki]

it would be easy for me to covet my life away, we're not the Joneses by far. I choose, instead, to see all the positives of being friends with the Joneses.

Now there's a good point. :)

[zaichiki]

I am also one who loves to hear about other people's vacations, what other children are doing, etc...

Ooh, me too!

[zaichiki]

I'm happy to live vicariously through others :p

My kids are smart, they get ahead in a lot of subjects, but some of their friends leave them in the dust. It doesn't bother me, so much as I'm glad my kids are friends with kids that can teach them.

:iagree: with both points. I always enjoy hearing the details about kids who are more advanced than my own... It's like I'm proud of their accomplishments even though they're not my kids.

I also want my children to experience having friends as role models, so to speak, in various areas (someone their age to admire?). A side benefit is that my kids get to experience not always being "the best" in their area of talent. It's very important to me that they have that experience as much as possible (and feel good about the relationship with that person).

[lionfamily1999]

:iagree: with both points. I always enjoy hearing the details about kids who are more advanced than my own... It's like I'm proud of their accomplishments even though they're not my kids.

I also want my children to experience having friends as role models, so to speak, in various areas (someone their age to admire?). A side benefit is that my kids get to experience not always being "the best" in their area of talent. It's very important to me that they have that experience as much as possible (and feel good about the relationship with that person).
It's like they have someone to help them stretch. One of ds' friends is a real math lover and really terrible with languages. They like to joke that together they make the perfect boy (ds loves learning languages, grammar &tc). Having him cope gracefully with not being top dog is a big help too. It's really hard to begrudge a friend their gift, iykwIm.

[StartingOver]

I don't think anyone has ever offended me while talking about their children. I approached homeschooling in the beginning as an individual marathon of sorts. Each child on their own level, no matter what that is. I do blog about mine, but I try not to talk to family and friends about what they are doing, as it does upset some. But I do need an outlet, I figure they don't have to read if they don't want to LOL.

I adore reading about others, and search out blogs consistantly.

[Charles Wallace]

We have just begun homeschooling and have looked into a couple of homeschool co-ops. The "problem" is when either my public school friends or my homeschool friends ask Why are you homeschooling, I get eyerolling and a you think your kids are so special sigh.... Thing is I just tell them the truth. I have cut down my response to: My daughter is 6 years old but is working at least 3 grade levels ahead in all subjects. I don't feel the public school system can meet her needs. I don't go into great detail, I am just trying to answer their question. Have you guys found the same level of misunderstanding?

That's why I don't talk about it with anyone who has children within five years of my own. Including my family.

Once burned, twice shy.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Does anyone think that some of those who do not have gifted children might feel this same way when they hear about our kids' skill development/experiences? Could it "hurt a little" to hear about it? I don't think I've ever thought about it from this perspective before...

That was sort of my point.

We didn't do all of those trips because we are loaded with money. We were stationed in Germany and took advantage of incredible budget airfares while we were there. Plus a couple of trips were to visit friends, so we had little to pay in room and board.

We don't expect that every child be able to compose music. But we do expect all to read and do math. So I think that parents feel more of a twinge at an accelerated reader and mather than they do with a gifted musician or athelete.

[zaichiki]

We don't expect that every child be able to compose music. But we do expect all to read and do math. So I think that parents feel more of a twinge at an accelerated reader and mather than they do with a gifted musician or athelete.

Really good point. I will remember this.

[tea]

I have reduced my answer to one simple statement.

"Because I feel like it".

It has reduced a great deal of tension during social interaction for us.

[WendyK]

I have reduced my answer to one simple statement.

"Because I feel like it".

It has reduced a great deal of tension during social interaction for us.

love it!

[StartingOver]

That's why I don't talk about it with anyone who has children within five years of my own. Including my family.

Once burned, twice shy.

This is the reason I blog, I can moderate what others have to say, and choose who reads.