Poll about your husband's support for/attitude toward homeschooling

[Denise in IN]

Two questions:

What is your dh's attitude toward you homeschooling your children?

If your dh is not completely supportive, do you think this issue has created a "wedge" in your relationship?

I realize the exact wording doesn't work for everyone here....so if you're divorced/remarried, or for the guys here, feel free to answer this in the way that best fits your family situation!

ETA: I just realized that this discussion could have the potential to go down a path that's against board rules: "No Spouse Bashing The Internet (and this site in particular) is not the appropriate place to complain about your husband (or wife) or to ask for marital counseling. Call a friend instead." That's not my intention at all! So please keep that in mind when answering, so that we can respect the intent of her guidelines.

[Miss Peregrine]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,

[Amy in Orlando]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,

This describes my dh as well.

[dangermom]

Same here. My husband has always been enthusastic about homeschooling, but he doesn't do much. He's too busy starting a company and keeping a roof over our heads. :p

[mellifera]

What is your dh's attitude toward you homeschooling your children?


He has been very supportive. We started with ds1 in kindergarten thinking that we couldn't mess that up too badly and have continued on a year by year basis since then.

[Kate CA]

He unequivocally supports what we do and trusts me completely. I realize I am very blessed in this situation and do not take it for granted. We are very much on the same page.

[runningirl71]

DH fully supports me homeschooling. In fact, my first year of full time homeschooling (we lived in a different country for ten years, kids went to national schools, and I after-schooled them in English) he taught half the classes! He now knows all the challenges that come along with it, which is great, since I talk to him all the time about the highs and lows!

[Denise in IN]

I guess I should answer my own poll. :)

My dh has agreed to let me homeschool, but it would not be his choice. His perspective: Public school is what's "normal", we live in a good school system, school worked for me. Therefore, my children would be best educated in the public school. He sees homeschooling as a good option for those who are in poor school systems or when a child isn't functioning well in the school setting.

I often wonder if this issue has creates more of a wedge between us than I would realize. So much of my time and energy gets devoted to schooling (it's inevitable!), and then of course there's money that's spent on books and curriculum. I do try to be very aware of his expectations regarding education, so that (hopefully) he can feel confident that they're being educated well.

[Beth in Central TX]

My husband is very supportive of our homeschool. He probably has a deeper conviction than I do at times. He teaches Greek at night and on the weekends, helps with science experiments, and edits some of their writing projects. He will also take off work to substitute when I have personal or painful (like my recent crown work) appointments during the year. He's also the principal of our school and has helped adjust some attitudes this year.

[Sue G in PA]

Dh is VERY supportive. He does, however, periodically check up on how *I* am doing emotionally, physically, etc. b/c he realizes the sacrifice it is on my part. So, he will sometimes tell me it's okay if I want to send them back. For me, though, it's NOT an option. I always tell him that and that the best way to support me is to let me have *me* time frequently and time "off". He's great about that. As for teaching...I do 95% while dh will occasionally take on a project or 2. Right now, he's overseeing our newspaper project. He also enjoys reading to the dc so he does 99% of our read-alouds. He also seems to "connect" with our ds6 better than I do, so when ds6 has a bad day, dh will work w/ him in the evening. I can't imagine hsing if dh weren't in 100% agreement with our the decision or if he weren't so supportive both in words AND esp. in action, KWIM?

[Mom2legomaniacs]

100% in support. He, like others have said, finances us. He also does science (mostly) and is available to be a source for me when I am wondering about curriculum. I might ask his opinion on something if it is an area that I can't quite nail down. Also, he is the "homework" parent. Sometimes, I will have them work on things in the evening with dad in order to have him involved in what they are doing, to give them that kind of interaction with him (good for both of them), and for them to get a different point of view or explanation.

For us, it has to be a whole family affair in order to work well. And mostly, it does. ANd I am thankful for that.

[Pencil Pusher]

My dh probably believes in hs'ing more strongly than I do. When I get discouraged, he asks what he can do to help. If I'm sick or struggling w/ attitude problems, he'll step in, either when he's home or when he gets home.

He doesn't really ask that much about what's going on, but he has said that's because he doesn't really know what to ask. I think it's because I talk enough that there's nothing left to wonder.:p

But there have been mornings that we woke up to a really messy kitchen, & he got up, fixed breakfast, washed the dishes, fixed the baby's bottle, etc., so that I could get right to the schoolwork. He doesn't always know what we need, but he's more than available if we ask.

[King Alfred Academy]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,
Mine too! He also does a lot of the reading aloud, likes to go on Nature Hikes with us, works on their French vocabulary (he is fluent) and will hopefully be doing science experiments with them at least once a month after I approach him with it.

I think he does a lot in spite of working two part time jobs and going to school full time.

[Karenciavo]

What is your dh's attitude toward you homeschooling your children?
He'd rather they be in school.

If your dh is not completely supportive, do you think this issue has created a "wedge" in your relationship?
Yes, at times it has. Right now things are good.

[Musical Belle]

I am so thankful my dh is in complete agreement in our decision to homeschool. He helped teach (substituted?) when I was on "maternity leave," and teaches when his schedule allows.

We began seriously thinking about dad's participation (as well as his consent) about a year ago when a homeschooling friend of ours passed away. The dad had no idea where his children were with their school, what curriculum they were using or even where some of the school books were kept. It really made us focus on the importance of involving dad in our homeschool routine.

[True Blue]

He's 100% supportive but gets concerned when I get stressed out. He'd rather have me all to himself but knows that isn't reasonable. He sometimes thinks I work my kids too hard -- I do not.

[Michelle T]

I really can't imagine how homeschooling could work if one parent was opposed.

DH does not get involved in any aspects of actual teaching though. He has often commented that if he did, either he or DS would be dead by the end of the day. I think he's joking, though. :eek:
Michelle T

[gandpsmommy]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,

This is my husband, too. He is completely supportive of it, and it was definitely a mutual decision. He thinks it is what is best for our kids right now. He is quite adept at fielding hs questions from co-workers, and he is extremely generous in his praise of me. And he definitely funds it. The funding part keeps him pretty busy, so he doesn't get involved in the day-to-day apects too much, but he does love to hear dd read or have her show him her work. He does spend a lot of time with the kids, but it is mostly spent doing fun activities like playing games, reading I Spy books, doing puzzles, watching a movie,
etc.:)

[KristineIN]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,

That about sums things up here too!

Kristine

[Sandy in Indy]

DH is very supportive but does nothing in terms of actual schooling. If I decided tomorrow to quit homeschooling (fat chance!), he'd say, "great, when are you getting a job??"

[PinkInTheBlue]

My husband is 100% supportive and probably more in favor of it on some days than I am! LOL He's supportive of me when I just need to rant and worry too. :) He is interested in knowing what we are learning for fascination sake but he's not involved in the teaching or curriculum decisions at all really.

[Basketmaker Amy]

Same here.

[Peek a Boo]

dh is 100% supportive of homeschooling, but probably only about 80-90% supportive of how I implement it.

But I remind him that i don't tell him how to do his job, and unless he's willing to step in and help w/ more hands-on stuff, then I will take his suggestions to heart but not necessarily feel i need to change my style.

He doesn't question too many of my decisions tho, and always pays the credit card bill. w/ almost no fuss. :D

[Paula in PA]

When I get the doubts, he always reminds me of all the reasons we chose it. He does history and geography with dd and has occasionally helped on science projects (like digging up worms, etc.). He also does read-alouds with her several times a week. After reading some of the responses, I've realized again just how lucky I am. :)

Paula in PA

[momofkhm]

He went with us to the hs conference last year, hopefully this year as well. He pays for everything, gives input when I ask. Doesn't try to tell me to do to many things I'm not already doing. But he isn't involved too much either.

[Plaid Dad]

My dw is in full support of our homeschooling.

[Tracey in TX]

he still is apprehensive. He hopes it's the best thing for DC's future, but has faith in my ability to teach them. He would prefer I bought a boxed curriculum which is decided by someone else, and test them annually.
I don't take it personally as he's a worry wart :) Our relationship is better than ever b/c he loves the sacrifices I've made and likes seeing the children when he's not traveling.

[Eliana]

The decision to homeschool was a mutual one, and my dh has been as enthusiastic and committed to it as I have.

He encourages me to buy school related things (when I'm trying to cut a list down to fit within that month's budget, he usually find something else we can cut so the whole order can be places), and is involved in some of the day-to-day implementation.

We talk over approaches, how each child is doing, and what materials to use...

He actively pushes me to have time for myself.

We had both decided, before we knew we were going to have kids together, that we did not ever want to place our children in public school - so were on the same page to start with. We were also married quite young and while our visions for our lives were still being formed; I think this helped us (in our case, I know it doesn't work for everyone) be able to build a shared vision and way of living.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Dh is fully supportive. In the beginning, he was concerned more about me and my mental health than anything else. He was and is confident that homeschooling works, and it can look different in each family. He doesn't do much teaching, except on his days off when we haven't taken a day off from school. However, he helps tremendously around the house - helping with meals, laundry, chauffering the kids, etc.

[Kris]

I consider myself very lucky and blessed. He fully supports pretty much anything I want to do (and vice versa), and helps when he can. I can honestly say we are truly a team and I'm loving it. Being an OTR trucker, he isn't home much, but he throws himself into everything that's going on 100% -- when he is here and when he isn't.

I know so many other trucker's wives whose husbands "lay down the law" about How Things Will Be Done Here, but really don't offer much help or support when it comes to actually accomplishing the "assigned tasks." They are so frustrated and left to figure things out on their own with little to no resources. The grass is definitely not greener, and I count my blessings daily.

[Scarlett]

I'm envious of all the supportive spouses, but I'll just assume the ones with non-supportive spouses are not posting in the interest of not spouse bashing. ;)

My dh isn't supportive...certainly not 100% supportive. He does of course, work very hard to support us and I appreciate that. But he can't imagine ds being homeschooled all the way through. When he asked me, 'how long are we going to do this?' I just say, 'well, it is working so well, right now I just can't see making any changes.' I do overhear him talking about the positives to people sometimes...and I also heard him tell my friend (who was calling to ask questions about hs'ling because she is going to hs her K'er), 'well, I wish he was in school,' and then added something that sounded like he was resigned to this course. So I just take what I can get.

I think it is helping that 5 families we know very well are going to hs in the fall. Schools are a failure in so many ways....and I think he is starting to see it.

Oh, but yes, I do think it drives a wedge between us. He uses it against me sometimes I think...something like, 'well, if you are going to hs then don't complain about me doing (insert whatever)'.

[Daisy]

Dh is very supportive. Actually, he wanted me to homeschool from the beginning but I was reluctant (thought I didn't have enough patience). We are 100% on the same page.

[Colleen]

My husband isn't involved in our children's academic education and is ambivalent about what I do. He doesn't necessarily vocalize opposition, but he's wondered aloud why they don't just go to school. It's difficult for him because on the one hand, he's pretty unfamiliar with the American educational system; on the other, homeschooling itself is a foreign concept in his native country.

As an aside, I seem to have a very different view of marital finances than do some here. Several people have mentioned that their husbands foot the bills for homeschooling. I would never think of it in those terms. It's our money; we pay the bills. By the same token, if I was the one who worked outside the home while my husband schooled children, I wouldn't want him to think of it in terms of me providing the financing.

[ccm]

What is your dh's attitude toward you homeschooling your children?
He'd rather they be in school.

If your dh is not completely supportive, do you think this issue has created a "wedge" in your relationship?
Yes, at times it has. Right now things are good.

Same here.

This is our third year of homeschooling. My daughter was in fourth grade at a Christian school that was keeping her back academically (IEP and time away from the classroom in SpEd). My husband agreed to bringing her home for her education "until she was up-to-speed" and could return to "school". He thinks the public schools are fine (our three older children graduated from the public high school). It is year-to-year and I'm praying for one more year, Lord willing. :)

[Mom2legomaniacs]

As an aside, I seem to have a very different view of marital finances than do some here. Several people have mentioned that their husbands foot the bills for homeschooling. I would never think of it in those terms. It's our money; we pay the bills. By the same token, if I was the one who worked outside the home while my husband schooled children, I wouldn't want him to think of it in terms of me providing the financing.


I said this earlier and did not say it well. His job is the one that earns the money for *us* so that I can do my job of educating our kids. It is our money, not his. But it just so happens that what he does gets income and mine technically does not, but both are for all of us.
Ok, I am in a flu induced stupor here so it still may not sound right. THis is all I have for energy so that's all. whew

[Kay in Cal]

My dh is 100% supportive of homeschooling, and does most of the teaching. We're both passionate about how wonderful it is for our family, though he can get worn out being a SAHD sometimes, and needs me to cover him and give him a break. I do all the planning and curriculum, and teach one day a week that he has "off" to go work at the comic book store. :rolleyes:

[freethinkermom]

Dh used to just be tolerant leaning towards supportive. If you had asked him then he would have said he was fully supportive, but it did not necessarily show in his attitude or actions. Since our one trimester last year trying the public schools and all that went on with the endless counselor meetings about the boys' giftedness and lackadaisical teachers that thought gifted kids were problems to be solved, dh is now not only 110% supportive, he is down right enthusiastic.

Before I think he saw it as one viable option for our kids education. Now he sees it as the only option. He has also been making a much bigger effort to be involved in a positive way lately.

[Janet in WA]

He was completely supportive -- not involved -- but supportive.

[Kris]

I said this earlier and did not say it well. His job is the one that earns the money for *us* so that I can do my job of educating our kids. It is our money, not his. But it just so happens that what he does gets income and mine technically does not, but both are for all of us.

My husband feels this way (it's our money, not his) but I have a hard time with it. I've always worked (and was the sole breadwinner in one relationship, but that wasn't my idea) and it feels strange being at home -- even after five years. I do feel like I'm contributing more since we've been homeschooling, but when money's tight, it bothers me a lot.

That said, there was a short time when I was on the truck by myself so my husband could stay home and work on our house. I didn't have a problem with that at all, and always felt like it was our money.

[Scarlett]

As an aside, I seem to have a very different view of marital finances than do some here. Several people have mentioned that their husbands foot the bills for homeschooling. I would never think of it in those terms. It's our money; we pay the bills.

*I* (can't speak for the rest of the posters) only meant that his contribution to our family is the financial one. I don't think of it as 'his' money. In fact, I handle every bit of bill paying and other financial paperwork.

[Raders Fan]

Dh is 100% supportive, until I ask for a janitor (aka, cleaning lady).

Jennifer

[Elm in NJ]

In our culture, homeschooling is a very foreign concept. Most of our family and friends, in fact probably 99% of them don't know that we homeschool. They would not understand. My mom only found out after we had been doing it for 4 years when she visited us.

So I am really glad to have the support of my dh. He leaves it completely up to me, but I bounce ideas of him and we both realise at the moment, that this is the best thing for our family.:)

Elmeryl

[Sherri in Central CA]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,

Ditto! :D

He has told me many many times how glad he is that I am able to stay home with the kids. What a blessing!

[Antonia]

Five years later, he is a huge proponent, after having seen our kids excel academically and socially.

[mcconnellboys]

Dh fully supports what we do; if he didn't we wouldn't be doing it. I have to stay home in order to do this and he has to work, so I can't imagine him supporting me financially, etc. if he didn't want me home and doing this.

Like everything we do as a family, we tend to divide and conquer. Everyone has their own division of duties. I cook; he cleans. I do the plant beds (and he is NOT to touch them, LOL) and he does the grass. We don't try to duplicate effort.

He works, earns our money, plans our investments, and pays all the bills. I do the majority of the shopping for the family, although big ticket items get bought together. I do the homeschooling. He does not involve himself in what subjects I teach or how I teach them or what curriculum I choose. He pays the bills and reprimands the children if they are not behaving apppropriately for me. He sometimes helps with field trips or other holiday events, etc., mainly doing whatever he's asked to do. He occasionally takes the children (now child) and supervises their work for the day if I have to be gone for some reason. I lay out what they're to do and he follows the schedule. When my older son was doing Algebra I and II, he helped out with that, as well. If he happens to be around when we're discussing some history topic that is of interest to him, he may chime in. Other than that, hsing is one of my jobs and he leaves it to me.

I like the flow of our way of doing things for our family!

Regena

[WendyK]

110% support from my DH. I couldn't do it without that support. And not bad for a guy from Germany (the anti homeschool country..hehe) who thought I was a little nuts when I first brought it up! But no, he really is happy with the way things are going and he is always very encouraging.

[ArwenA]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,

That's my dh.:)
I convinced him to teach Book of Mormon lessons because I'm Anglican and think he'd do a better job. He will not plan though.:)

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,

He has never said a word against me homeschooling, has always been 100 percent supportive. He works hard so that I can stay home with the kids and teach them (and buy lots of books), he is interested (to a degree) in what the kids are learning, but he doesn't have any specific homeschooling duties.

He has a science degree and science is my weakness, so I hope that he will be helpful in that areana later on. He is also very good with computers, so that will be extremely helpful.

What he doesn't do well is listen to every little detail of what I want to do, am planning to do, and have done. :)

[Mamagistra]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,

This is my answer, too. :)

[jail warden]

So in his own way he's supportive of homeschooling. At first he wasn't too sure about me homeschooling because he was scared I was taking too much upon myself. His answer at first was no, but his job has different shifts and days off, so I knew my kids would never get to see their daddy if they went to school. He finally agreed to let me try it. I have asked him in the past year, what he thinks and he tells me he will support what I want completely. He doesn't want to be very involved in picking out curriculum though!

As for whether it drives a wedge between us, it did a little when I wondered if I was going completely against him. But once he told me he would support whatever I wanted and I could feel us working together, it's been much better.

[nukeswife]

My dh isn't involved in the day to day. Being in the military that just isn't possible but he does fully support me hsing the kids. He thinks it's best for them especially after the problems we had with our oldest who was in PS for K and part of 1st grade. After we started he is always commenting on how happy the kids seem and hsing just fits with the military lifestyle for us.

[elegantlion]

My dh was supportive but not convinced in the beginning. he was more concerned about my discipline to school over anything else. Showed him, Four years later, he says we are not doing school any other way. The other day he told me he wished he'd been homeschooled.

Our ds is very "active" and just the very nature of a traditional classroom would stifle him, dh has the same personality. :cool:

[Catherine]

when he saw the benefits for my eldest, who had the most difficulty in conventional school. He ironically is back in school now and doing well, I continue to teach the younger two, but I know dh is a little worried about particularly the younger's social life. Despite this, he is very good with the "moral support" aspect and if happy with their academic progress.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My dh had a very positive public school experience. It was how he became part of Canadian culture (as an immigrant) and later, how he became part of American culture. He was tolerant at first - esp. when I told him when we were dating that I wouldn't marry him unless he was willing to let me homeschool!

Now, I've been surprised to hear him talk about all the benefits. And when I mentioned that we might have to put the kids in p.s. earlier this year because my health was rapidly deteriorating, he's the one who said, "wait, let's ease off on the schooling a bit, work on your health." My health has improved and while he's been a little worried about how behind we are and the resultant change to schooling year around, he's still supportive. But I mentioned in another thread that I can't complain too much or he'll call my bluff and mention putting the kids in p.s. if I can't hack it!

[Virginia Dawn]

Dh fully supports it in the fact that he believes homeschooling is the best thing for our kids and he funds it ;) but he doesn't do much in the day-to-day,

Same here too.

[cricket1178]

Dh fully supports the decision to homeschool in our family. He doesn't participate in the day to day acitivity of homeschooling; but he does support me as disciplinary backup when needed, encouragement daily, and gives the occasional help with "homework". I couldn't do it without his support and wouldn't even try.

[nestof3]

I have not read any of the other responses so far, so I am just answering the poll.

My husband and I are equally set that homeschooling is the ONLY way to go. God really placed the conviction on our hearts at the same time!

He has absolute trust in my educational decisions and leaves it up to me -- which I am fine with. He will help out during the winter when his work is slow if I ask him to, and he reads bedtime stories, plays games and does flash cards, but 99.9 % is done by me.

He has also attended a few homeschool conventions which we both love.