I'm sooo tired of the bullying.....

[Julpost]

I know this is a homeschoolers board but I homeschooled for several years before sending 3 of my dc back to ps because of an exhausting pregnancy. I am still here because I have found this board to be the most helpful to me when I have ANY question.....

That said, I have a 6th grader that is just having a terrible time at school. He so wants to be accepted but is basically rejected by everyone in the class. Admittedly, he has a very hard time managing his anger and I'm sure has done his fair share of alienating others. He has always had an awful temper and doesn't control himself well. We brought him home in 2nd grade to help him and give him some time to mature but nothing we've done has helped. I don't know, maybe it's just his temperment. My dh and I are not hot headed people so I can't see that it's coming from us. But it's not helping that he is taunted and made fun of all day long. Then on the bus home, the kids try to kick him out of his seat. He just comes unglued. It seems like a catch-22 to me.

I wonder if I should bring him home again, regardless of whether he wants to or not. He likes school because of the variety of activities. Where we live, it's quite a drive to do anything. We used to do a variety of co-ops, classes, etc. when we homeschooled before but we spent so much time in the car and all the other kids lived quite a distance away. We only saw these people once or twice a week. I think ds likes the social scene at school even though he's not really a part of it. He's such a bright kid and regardless of his issue with anger, he has made some improvement. My head is spinning on this and I'm just so frustrated. I feel like we're stalling here. He has 4 siblings and 1 so-so friend nearby. This boy is also at the bottom of the social ladder at school but they are both so busy trying to fit in that they kind of hang each other out to dry to try to fit in with the others. It's really awful. They get along outside of school though. I could really use a glass of wine right now! :(

[Frontier Mom]

As the parent, I would consider strongly bringing him home. At that age, his self-esteem is so fragile and it doesn't sound like things are going well.

However, I am no expert on this as we have always homeschooled. Is there a way you could bring him home but also allow him some social situations where you are present like co-ops, youth groups, etc. It sounds like his social experiences are pretty negative so he might enjoy the break and some positive situations.

I think bullying is a serious matter - please follow your heart.

[Sue G in PA]

Dd was taunted inmercifully in 3rd grade. 3rd grade!! :eek: She changed from a sweet, loving, pleasant little girl into a wreck overnight. She sought refuge in the nurse's office everyday and the guidance counselor couldn't/wouldn't do a thing to "protect" my baby. She was going downhill fast. So, we pulled her and her younger brother (who was constantly being bullied on the bus) at the end of that year. I'm so sorry your ds is going through this. It is awful. It seems as if he is having a difficult time (who wouldn't!). IMNSHO...bring him home! I wonder how any child can learn in a hostile environment like that. AND, the toll it takes on them emotionally. Boys tend to act out in anger more than girls. My dd just "shut down" or took it out on her family b/c it was "safe". It was very scary to witness. One should not have to "learn" social skills in this atmosphere, KWIM? I can't see how he would LIKE school in this atmosphere, but each child is different. For us, like it or not (and ds didn't like it at first)....they were coming home. We were the parents, and we did what we thought was best. You must do the same. Good luck and I'll be praying for your ds!

[Danestress]

Maybe you should drive him to and from school. I know with my oldest, who always attended school, the bus ride seemed to always be when kids acted their worst and had least supervision.

It's very very hard to parent a child who is not well liked by his peers. I am terribly sorry you are going through that.

[Kathy in MD]

I know this is a homeschoolers board but I homeschooled for several years before sending 3 of my dc back to ps because of an exhausting pregnancy. I am still here because I have found this board to be the most helpful to me when I have ANY question.....

That said, I have a 6th grader that is just having a terrible time at school. He so wants to be accepted but is basically rejected by everyone in the class. Admittedly, he has a very hard time managing his anger and I'm sure has done his fair share of alienating others. He has always had an awful temper and doesn't control himself well. We brought him home in 2nd grade to help him and give him some time to mature but nothing we've done has helped. I don't know, maybe it's just his temperment. My dh and I are not hot headed people so I can't see that it's coming from us. But it's not helping that he is taunted and made fun of all day long. Then on the bus home, the kids try to kick him out of his seat. He just comes unglued. It seems like a catch-22 to me.

I wonder if I should bring him home again, regardless of whether he wants to or not. He likes school because of the variety of activities. Where we live, it's quite a drive to do anything. We used to do a variety of co-ops, classes, etc. when we homeschooled before but we spent so much time in the car and all the other kids lived quite a distance away. We only saw these people once or twice a week. I think ds likes the social scene at school even though he's not really a part of it. He's such a bright kid and regardless of his issue with anger, he has made some improvement. My head is spinning on this and I'm just so frustrated. I feel like we're stalling here. He has 4 siblings and 1 so-so friend nearby. This boy is also at the bottom of the social ladder at school but they are both so busy trying to fit in that they kind of hang each other out to dry to try to fit in with the others. It's really awful. They get along outside of school though. I could really use a glass of wine right now! :(

cause problems with temper control. The two big ones are Casein (sp)(a milk protein) and wheat. If the problem is milk, you can see results in 2 weeks.

You might read Is This Your Child by Rapp for more info. If you want to find out how to test for milk sensitivities, check the archives on the Special Needs Board. If you can't find it in the archives, post on the special Needs board. I'm more likely to see it there.

[Claire]

I agree with reading Is This Your Child by Doris Rapp. The anger issues could very easily be related to food intolerances and these don't show up as regular allergies.

Another possibility would be to get some counseling for him. A good counselor should be able to help him to develop anger management skills, and maybe some social skills also. (But I would definitely read the book and look at diet as well.)

How is he doing academically? My neighbor observed that her son was at the bottom of the pecking order at school and was picked on a lot. (He was diagnosed with APD and had some symptoms of ADHD.) She pulled him out for one year to homeschool. She worked with him intensively on math and I worked with him intensely on reading. She also put him through a cognitive skills training program (PACE (http://www.processingskills.com)). Next year, when she sent him back to school, he was at the top of his class in reading and math and his social standing skyrocketed. He's now a jock in high school and does well both academically and socially.

[Joanne]

That said, I have a 6th grader that is just having a terrible time at school.

I'd bring him home.

That he might not want to should be obscured by the fact that as his adult(s), you know the big picture. What happens to a person in Jr. High has long reaching effects. He's reacting to the moment and perception of being removed.

It's unlikely he'll learn better anger management in that social system, particularly as they are under-coached socially and undersupervised. A lot of what develops between kids is considered "normal" when in fact it's under responded to needs of social coaching and boundaries.

[Julpost]

He is at the top of his class but does have a hard time organizing his work and making sure everything is turned in. I'll check out that book, diet would be worth looking into. Thanks for all the encouragement guys, homeschooling looks better everyday!!:)

[mull-berry-ish]

... asperger's syndrome. He may have a touch of it or something similar. These kids are bright but misinterpret social cues and are targets for bullys. This article, Strangers in a Social World - Asperger Syndrome and Bullying (http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/swnov2006p18.shtml), may help you understand. A quick google search will provide more information.

The good thing is that social skills can be taught. It's one of those things that the rest of the world automatically picks up on but not so easily with the asperger's kids. HTH

[Melinda in VT]

Parenting is tough, isn't it? It's hard to see your kids struggling. We've had some similar struggles in our family.

A couple of questions:
Is this your son's first year back in ps?
Do you see the anger management problem at home? Or just at school?
Is the school providing any support/coaching for your son?
Have you talked to your son's teachers about this?