Do *I* have AS?

[LivingOutLove]

I've been reading Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's, since my ds5 was diagnosed a few weeks ago.

The ways boys and girls manifest AS, I've read, are different. The description Attwood gives of girls/women shockingly resonates with me. Alot.

When I try to explain it to someone, it sounds like "everyone goes through times like that". I can't explain how deeply I feel that I have AS...

I do have a difficult time making eye contact with people. If I'm looking at someone in his/her eyes while he/she is talking, then I'm not listening. If I'm looking in his/her eyes while I'm talking, I'm not really concentrating on what I'm saying. I focus best when my eyes are elsewhere.

I think I've learned coping skills through imitation, the positive way people with AS deal with the syndrome. The fact that AS girls tend to stay on the periphery of a social event (play on the playground, game, etc) until she gets the "rules", makes sense to me and I find myself doing it, even as I approach 30 (though I don't do that on the playground anymore, I just play mommy!)

There are alot more examples, but my question is this:

Should I get an evaluation?

First, I feel that getting a dx for AS would give me a right to say to my son, I know exactly what you're going through. Let me help you.

Second, I feel that a dx would help me grieve my past (which is very weird now that I look at it through an AS lens) and help me with future interactions. I can do this without a dx, but for some reason, I think it would give me a freedom to explore my past, whereas if I don't have a dx, I would just be thinking, I'm just a wacko, that's why I had no real friends until college!

OTOH, dh, whom I love with all my heart, doesn't think anything's off and, while he said he would support me if I got evaluated, doesn't think I should get it done.

Will a dx just give me an excuse to avoid social situations (I'm an extrovert by nature, ironically enough)? Will I use it to excuse awkward or rude behavior (even though that's never my goal when interacting with others)?

Oh, and I've been super stressed just thinking about all this. My one good friend did mention last night that stress is a sign that I'm not trusting God. That sounds horrible to say, but I know she loves me and loves the Lord and I take stock in what she says. Please don't slam her :)

But it did make me think: am I obsessing over this? Will a dx stop the obsession or make it worse?

I'm rambling. Thanks for letting me share. I appreciate any thoughts you have, esp. if you have been diagnosed yourself or if you suspect you have...um...diagnose-able issues.

TIA!

[Orthodox6]

My husband and I both believe that I have Asperger's, and that my older brother also does. We learned about AS years ago because one of our sons has AS. I have "official" dx for unipolar major depression, for OCD, and for ADHD.

I do not have "official" dx for Asperger's. At age 54, that becomes a "so what?" issue for me. Interesting to know about myself, but hardly going to change my life to have the mis-diagnosis of OCD "corrected" to read "AS."

My past life is past. I developed coping measures where I could, and failed to develop coping measures for some cases where it sure would have eased my life, but I'm still plunging ahead with life anyway. I was not diagnosed with anything until age 45 or so.

Your friend undoubtedly hoped to be helpful. I just don't happen to agree with her. People with mental health conditions and/or behavioural health conditions and/or learning disabilities cannot be compared with people "without" such, on an exactly equal basis. When I experience stress, that has zippo to do with my faith and trust in God. How I react to my recognition of the stressor(s) depends precisely upon my faith and trust in God. (I hope you catch the serious difference.)

For me, then, learning about Asperger's and recognizing AS within myself provides all that is needed.

[WishboneDawn]

I have don't see where the harm is if this is something you're interested in doing. I actually have some similar traits as well. Although it's gotten much better in the last 5-10 years or so I really understand the idea of handling social situations by imitation. I often still need a roadmap or how-to-video in my head to handle some circumstances.

I don't think I have AS though. I do know I have ADD and I tend to think it, autism and a lot of similar disorders occupy a similar spectrum. There's a huge bucket of odd behaviour and abilities and those different disorderers are all Venn diagrams in that same bucket. If that makes sense. :D So I listen to Temple Grandin talk and there's a lot of indentifying and "yes! That's so true," but I know I'm not occupying the same space she is.

Not that I'm implying that's the case with you. I'm just blabbing on.

So definitely puruse this if you think it would be helpful. A lot o people don't like to hear it but having a label slapped on you can be enourmously helpful and give you focus and direction in dealing with your odder aspects. And it can help you connect with others who share the same attributes which is also a big help.

[LivingOutLove]

Thank you so much for responding. I do see the difference you underline regarding stress and faith.

I might get stress from different triggers than my friend. My triggers might be AS-related, hers not. But we both choose to respond to the different triggers in either faith or not-faith...

So, struggling with the question as to whether I have AS or not is a stressor, but does not in and of itself impact my faith in God. It's how I choose to respond to the stressor/struggle that is correlated with my faith...

I understand. Thanks.

This probably is a question with an obvious answer, but why did you choose to pursue a diagnosis for your depression, OCD and ADHD? Because it was interfering with daily life, I'm guessing? Was there an element of needing to understand yourself so you could bring healing to a weird past, so you could move ahead with new understanding?

I don't really think my AS-like characteristics interfere with my daily life. I've learned to cope, but there's this desire in me to understand myself and my life experience at a deeper level than I can right now...for some reason, I feel a diagnosis would help me do just that...

But maybe it wouldn't?

I also still welcome other's input/experience!

Thanks!

My husband and I both believe that I have Asperger's, and that my older brother also does. We learned about AS years ago because one of our sons has AS. I have "official" dx for unipolar major depression, for OCD, and for ADHD.

I do not have "official" dx for Asperger's. At age 54, that becomes a "so what?" issue for me. Interesting to know about myself, but hardly going to change my life to have the mis-diagnosis of OCD "corrected" to read "AS."

My past life is past. I developed coping measures where I could, and failed to develop coping measures for some cases where it sure would have eased my life, but I'm still plunging ahead with life anyway. I was not diagnosed with anything until age 45 or so.

Your friend undoubtedly hoped to be helpful. I just don't happen to agree with her. People with mental health conditions and/or behavioural health conditions and/or learning disabilities cannot be compared with people "without" such, on an exactly equal basis. When I experience stress, that has zippo to do with my faith and trust in God. How I react to my recognition of the stressor(s) depends precisely upon my faith and trust in God. (I hope you catch the serious difference.)

For me, then, learning about Asperger's and recognizing AS within myself provides all that is needed.

[LivingOutLove]

A lot o people don't like to hear it but having a label slapped on you can be enourmously helpful and give you focus and direction in dealing with your odder aspects. And it can help you connect with others who share the same attributes which is also a big help.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for this. Exactly what I was wondering.

[Misty]

I went through exactly what you're going through when my then 5yo daughter was diagnosed a little more than a year ago. It hit me all at once as I was reading about it. A HUGE shock! It was all I could think of for months. I went through a major grieving period over my past, cried a lot, felt depressed. I had thoughts like, "My father would have liked me better if I didn't have AS" or "I wouldn't have gone through xyz if I didn't have AS". But at the same time, my childhood finally made so much sense. I was obsessed with horses. I wouldn't read or watch anything unless it had horses. When I played outside, my horses were always involved (I had two). I had speech delay and selective mutism and I was reading and spelling fluently (and very early) before I began talking fluently (hyperlexia). I was an EXTREMELY picky eater and I didn't like to be touched, not even by my mother. I don't know if I have AS or classic HFA, but I definitley know I'm on the spectrum!

Like you, I have always had trouble with eye contact. I cannot focus on what the person is saying if I'm trying to make eye contact. I can't focus on what I'm saying either. Sometimes I just want to ask people, "Do you mind if I don't make eye contact so I can actually comprehend what you're saying?!" I'm still very shy and I am also an introvert. I get overstimulated by sound and light very easily. Talking and socializing also overstimulates me. I have to wear noise-reducing headphones at home, which I hate because they dig into my head, but I can't stand the noise either! I have never been able to hold a job. I always screw up in some weird way, related to my rigid thinking on some issue, or because I can't handle the social demands, or because I get confused easy and can't comprehend verbal instruction (I have to see it in writing). I am thankful that I have a husband who makes a good living and I am able to stay home with my children. I do not want my children to suffer what I did during their college years and beyond as they try to make ends meet. Especially my son who will not have the choice to stay home like my daughters may. So I am not worried about an evaluation for me right now. I know I have it. My husband agrees. I have developed so many coping skills over the years, though I still struggle a great deal (but I'm used to it). I still have very little pragmatic language, but I am trying to practice now that I am aware of it. I could use some therapy for that. But for now I just want to focus all my energy in helping my children. They all have a diagnosis of Asperger's except for my 3yo. He's still too young. My oldest has a diagnosis of "Asperger traits" but in many ways she is more Aspie than the others!

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I know EXACTLY what you're going through. I don't see what it would hurt to get evaluated.. I plan to some day. For now I only have a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder and I take SSRI's for that. It definitely is a HUGE shock when you realize you've lived your entire life with an autism spectrum disorder and never knew it!

[Orthodox6]

I have a 20yo son with ADHD, NVLD, and unipolar depression -- a 15yo son with Asperger's and NVLD -- and a 10yo daughter with ADHD and unipolar depression.

The sons referenced were atrociously mis-diagnosed for ten years with bipolar disorder. At the time of diagnosis for the son (now 20 yrs), the staff asked me to fill out a diagnostic questionnaire. They asked this of me because of some of my responses to the lengthy evaluation questions for our son.

The results for me came back with a dx of major depressive disorder.

I spent a few years under a doctor's care. During that time, we discussed many things, of course, and it became clear that I also have severe ADHD. Both the depression and the ADHD, I could track back (via memories of earlier life) to a very, very young age. Some traits of myself, appeared to fall under the umbrella for OCD. In that the younger son referenced above had not been correctly diagnosed (that was ten years into the future) with Asperger's, AS did not surface as something to discuss for me.

In general, I considered the "discovered information" to be useful in explaining many things about my life. I never have thought of the knowledge as "healing", "purgative", or anything like that. This is just "nuts-and-bolts" information which explains many things from my past, and which affords me suggestions for how to deal with certain things currently.

Christianity has been the "healer" for the destructive and traumatic incidents of my earlier life.

As for "labels", I continue wholly indifferent to them. "Labels" are for file folders, not for living. I guess I'm also saying that a diagnosis is information, but not a crutch.

You probably should follow through with whatever may be which will assist you with living confidently and fruitfully, but without self-reproach.



This probably is a question with an obvious answer, but why did you choose to pursue a diagnosis for your depression, OCD and ADHD? Because it was interfering with daily life, I'm guessing? Was there an element of needing to understand yourself so you could bring healing to a weird past, so you could move ahead with new understanding?

[Misty]

I do know I have ADD and I tend to think it, autism and a lot of similar disorders occupy a similar spectrum. There's a huge bucket of odd behaviour and abilities and those different disorderers are all Venn diagrams in that same bucket. If that makes sense. :D

:iagree: This is exactly how I view the spectrum!

[chiguirre]

I have 2 sons on the spectrum, and although dh and I both have some quirks, neither of us really match an ASD diagnosis. But, I'll offer my 2 cents anyway :D.

For my HFA ds, knowing that he is autistic and being part of a social skills group has been an incredibly positive experience. He has a place where he fits in and friends he can relate to and enjoy his favorite subjects with. This has given him so much more confidence when he's in other activities because even if they can be awkward, he knows that he does have a place where he fits, so dealing with the places that are more difficult isn't as overwhelming. I hope that makes sense.

If you can find a support group for adults on the spectrum, it may be a very positive thing for you. Based on ds's experience, I'd recommend seeking that support (and getting an official dx if you need it to access a group or therapy). Knowing you are not alone and having lots of friends and peers who face the same issues is tremendously affirming and makes a world of difference in how you deal with the challenges you face.

[Dobela]

My brother was diagnosed as Aspergers at the age of 34. It was like a breath of fresh air after a lifetime of struggle. It let him know the reasons why doing somethings were so very difficult and it helped him make a few connections with people like himself that he could vent with. It let him know that he wasn't the only one who did those things (or that had family after him about those things). It also gave some family members the understanding they needed (instead of saying he was just an immature jerk and such). For those reasons alone, I would say go for the diagnosis.

[LivingOutLove]

I have a 20yo son with ADHD, NVLD, and unipolar depression -- a 15yo son with Asperger's and NVLD -- and a 10yo daughter with ADHD and unipolar depression.

The sons referenced were atrociously mis-diagnosed for ten years with bipolar disorder. At the time of diagnosis for the son (now 20 yrs), the staff asked me to fill out a diagnostic questionnaire. They asked this of me because of some of my responses to the lengthy evaluation questions for our son.

The results for me came back with a dx of major depressive disorder.

Wow, now that you mention this, I do remember you saying something like this in a PM to me. Thank you for sharing again. Please forgive my forgetfulness! I'm sorry if this was hard for you and your family.

I spent a few years under a doctor's care. During that time, we discussed many things, of course, and it became clear that I also have severe ADHD. Both the depression and the ADHD, I could track back (via memories of earlier life) to a very, very young age. Some traits of myself, appeared to fall under the umbrella for OCD. In that the younger son referenced above had not been correctly diagnosed (that was ten years into the future) with Asperger's, AS did not surface as something to discuss for me.

In general, I considered the "discovered information" to be useful in explaining many things about my life. I never have thought of the knowledge as "healing", "purgative", or anything like that. This is just "nuts-and-bolts" information which explains many things from my past, and which affords me suggestions for how to deal with certain things currently.

Christianity has been the "healer" for the destructive and traumatic incidents of my earlier life.

Hmm, I think this might have been what my friend meant originally. I was praying this morning, telling the Lord He is welcome into my struggles. Then I felt that, no, that's not enough. I have to GIVE the whole of my struggle to Him, let Him control it...that's where true healing will come from. Not from ignoring the issue, but letting Him have His way in the struggle...

As for "labels", I continue wholly indifferent to them. "Labels" are for file folders, not for living. I guess I'm also saying that a diagnosis is information, but not a crutch.

You probably should follow through with whatever may be which will assist you with living confidently and fruitfully, but without self-reproach.

Thank you for this advice :)


:)

[LivingOutLove]

I joined an AS adults forum on OASIS yesterday. I read just a few posts and was surprised at how similar these people's experiences were to mine...some were never officially diagnosed, some were...I posted there this question, too.

Thank you to all who recommended that I go for a dx, if that's what will bring me peace. And thanks for the encouragement to go out and find a support group. I already feel like I have a good starting point!

:)