DD (5) and long hair drama--WWYD?

[melissel]

My DD5 is absolutely dead-set against getting her hair cut. She loves her long hair, but cries and complains and often runs to her room weeping when an adult brushes it, and she refuses to brush it herself. If she does brush it herself, it's a long, involved process with lots of complaining and brushing mainly of the sides, where it's easy for her to reach, but where none of the major problem areas are--an adult ends up having to brush the back anyway. I use spray detangler, but it really doesn't seem to do much good :( I understand the pain involved in having someone else brush your hair, but this is getting to be too much.

WWYD? I don't see how I can drag her forcibly to get her hair cut. What are our other options? Are there any ways to make this process easier? Even worse, her hair drama is now filtering down to her sister, who's starting to have dramatic mini-hysterics whenever her hair needs to be brushed--and she has curly hair, so it's even worse!

Ack! I know this drama is not uncommon to little girls. Does anyone have any helpful suggestions? TIA!

[gandpsmommy]

It really helped my dd's hair be easier to brush. She used it when she washed her hair and then also sprayed Johnson's detangler spray on it before brushing. HTH

[RoughCollie]

Oh, shucks! The suggestions have to be helpful?

What I did when DD was 5 was get so frustrated that I put her hair into a ponytail while I was brushing it, and cut it off! (This was not a planned event.) DD had no idea at first. Naturally, it was a Sunday and I had to wait until Tuesday before the hairdresser was open. Until then, she wore a hat.

I will say that, in the end, DD was much happier with short hair and it was a breeze to take of.

Don't do what I did! The hair comes out short and chopped up, not even -- cutting off a ponytail is not a good idea!

DD now has hair that extends well beyond her waist. She brushes it through (or I do) three times a day. At night, I put it in a loose braid so it won't get tangled or impede her comfort. I also bought satin pillowcases for her from J.C. Penney. Those pillowcases really do help. When she washes her hair, she uses conditioner and combs through her hair before she rinses it.

My DD5 is absolutely dead-set against getting her hair cut. She loves her long hair, but cries and complains and often runs to her room weeping when an adult brushes it, and she refuses to brush it herself.

Ack! I know this drama is not uncommon to little girls. Does anyone have any helpful suggestions? TIA!

[momofkhm]

I told my girls that if they could keep their hair looking nice, they could have it long. I think at your dd's age, it was not a question. I brushed their hair.

If it was the battle with tears you are describing, I would have gotten it cut. Now if you don't want to get it cut, the only thing I can suggest is conditioner, lots of it. Brush it before you wash it, brush it after she gets out of the tub/shower, brush it in the morning. Putting it in braids will also help with tangles simply by not getting them.

This drama is not uncommon to little girls, but you are the parent and if you are not willing to daily have this battle, the hair gets cut. Sometimes it only needs an inch off the bottom.

((hugs))

[Peek a Boo]

i would absolutely treat it as a discipline issue. Either she WILL have her hair brushed w/ no complaining or she WILL have it cut. And you won't need to forcibly cut it, just wait till she's alseep and lop off several inches.

eta: OH-- and you can add lots of conditioner and brush it while she sleeps too.

In that vein, you will need to seek out methods of teaching your dd to BE patient, and to DO things she doesn't like to do w/o whining. i would probably use lots of positive goal reinforcement [aka Bribery] to get the job done cuz *I* really like dd to have long hair. i also wouldn't think twice about spankings for disobedience. But that's just me.

My dd is 4yo and whines about hair brushings [and teeth brushings, and laying down to wash hair, and, and, and etc] too, but some basic training in this area has really paid off.

[melissel]

Oh, shucks! The suggestions have to be helpful?

*snort!* Well, my mom is here, and she's just chock full of UNHELPFUL suggestions, so I really have all I need of those :rolleyes:

Thanks, gandpsmommy, I didn't even know they make one! I'm actually on the way to the store now, I'll see if they have it.

[Brenda in FL]

I'd say its time for a haircut. She's too young to do it herself and her reaction is causing everyone grief. Make a big deal about how much fun it is to go to the hairdressers. And maybe even offer a treat for good behavior afterwards. (I don't normally agree with bribing - but in cases like these - it can be very helpful! :)

Warn the hair dresser ahead of time that she might cry. But chances are your daughter will not be the first child they've had who have cried through the whole cut!

This is one of those areas that the parent needs to make the decision and follow through for everyone's benefit. When she is older and can take care of her grooming properly - then it will be more appropriate to let her decide how she wants to style her hair.

[BonAmy]

I would probably have touched her ankles.. if I didn't trim it every summer due to chlorine in pools.

She had sensitivity issues too, with brushing. I would have her use Pantene conditioner especially. It is a MUST! you can even brush out her hair for her while the conditioner is still in it. I also had her used pantene shampoo, or another similar quality (like herbal essence). If I let her use a cheaper shampoo like Sauve.. it would tangle and mat and be very painful to brush out. And sauve conditioner??? just doesn't work with long hair, imo.

My daughter just recently had 14 inches cut off her hair, and it still reaches below her waist.

My other daughter had incredible sensitivity to brushing.. crying, etc.. was a mess to work with. I had her always use Pantene. And at 5 years old, I would wash/condition their hair myself.. it's too big a job for a child that age to do properly (by that, I mean get the conditioner worked in the ends). I also had them wear their hair in one singe braid down their back when sleeping.. always.

People would comment on how much time I spent on their long hair.. but actually, it was very little time. I washed/conditioned it as needed, like every other day (or longer..), kept it braided most of the time (always braided when they went in the backyard to play).

beware of waterparks chlorine, btw. be sure to apply and leave on VO5.

hth!
bonamy

[BonAmy]

It was literally almost to her ankles!!

[Ellie]

ITA with Peek--this is a discipline issue (assuming you've done as much as you can to make the brushing less painful with conditioner/detangler/whatnot). I would also keep your dd's hair braided most of the time (and I would take it down, brush it out, and rebraide it daily, so it doesn't look like a dog's breakfast, lol).

[Tammy]

that some of you would cut your child's hair without them knowing it!!!

I will agree with them keeping their hair brushed....or having an adult do it without complaint....but cutting the child's hair when they are sleeping...um.....no, LOL!

Tammy

[langfam]

I have long hair and my DD did for a long time till she decided to go short and sassy. I think a good hairbrush makes the difference. Mason and Person brushes are costly, but do the trick. They last a life-time. I've had mine forever. Also, a leave-in conditioner from Fructis helps .

http://www.beautysak.com/products.asp?mode=m&mid=600

[Wendy In KS]

Then I would suggest taking her to the hairdresser and having them thin it out. This usually involves a comb with a razor and they run it through the hair, and it gets rid of some of the bulk. I have this done with my hair (and my hair is only shoulder length, but really thick). I am taking my 10yo dd to get hers done because she *still* won't take proper care of it.

When my 10yo was younger, I convinced her it would be fun to get it cut off, so we could watch it grow again.

If you are still washing her hair, I would buy some adult conditioner. Just make sure not to get it in her eyes. The kids stuff never worked for my dd. Also, keep a comb in the shower to brush out the conditioner.

Good luck!

[Sophia]

we cut her hair.

It was a discipline issue-she is not allowed to keep it messy, nor is it fair to me to listen to her crying when I brush it.

I did try to be nice about it-we went out and bought clips, headbands, and we copied Madeline's hairstyle, which is actually very flattering on dd.

Her hair is long again, she still winces when she brushes, but she knows not to cry or we'll be visiting the salon again:eek:

[j.griff]

I would try to talk her into getting it cut- "If you get your hair cut, it won't hurt to have your hair brushed any more", "If you get your hair cut, it will be easier to wash, and it won't take as long to wash it", etc. When hair starts to get so easily tangled, it IS time for a hair cut, things are only going to get worse if you don't get it cut now. I'd use the detangling conditioner on her hair after the haircut too though, so that it doesn't get broken too quickly after the cut. I'd put the conditioner in her hair in the tub (any good creamy conditioner will do), and comb through it with the conditioner in her hair, then rinse gently so as not to tangle her hair- this works wonders. Also, I'd have it trimmed every couple of months, so that this doesn't become a problem again.

[j.griff]

My dd has very strong personal boundaries, LOL, and she would NEVER trust me again if I were to do something like that.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I do think this is part discipline issue and part sensory. Some people do have very sensitive scalps (my daughter is one of them and so am I.)

I would probably nix the long hair if she can't take care of it and can't stand to have it brushed. Tell her that you will work on making brushing less painful, but she needs to behave and to trust you. If she cannot abide this, then she loses the priveledge of long hair. You can put it into a pony tail, then cut it off yourself. Then tell her that you will take her to a stylist to have it done nicely if she can behave or you will try to trim it up - but no guarrantees on the outcome.

Either way, I would work on the haircare techniques to make this less painful. First of all, I would nix the spray on detangler. It can gum up and cause more tangles in the long run. Use a good conditioner instead and rinse well with slightly cooler water. I would make sure to comb it gently during bath/shower time with conditioner on. (This is especially important for the curly haired child.) Also, try not to rub it dry with a towel but squeeze it dry. This will help minimize tangles. Make sure to comb/brush from the bottom: start about 1/2 inch from the bottom and comb down, then repeat moving up 1/2 inch each time. This insures that each pass has minimal tangles. If you start higher up, all you are doing is accumulating the tangles into one big, painful tangle. Another suggestion is to make sure she has something to occupy her so that she can attempt to tune out the discomfort.

You probably won't get a perfectly compliant child overnight, but she will learn to trust you.
hth,

[LisaTheresa]

When I use the 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioners or even a separate inexpensive conditioner from the grocery store, I find it does not help with the tangles in my daughter's hair. If I use the good stuff from the beauty shop (I like TIGI thickening conditioner) all the tangles just release as I rinse it out of her hair. Might be worth a try if you'd rather not cut it.

Lisa

[BeachGirl]

My dd is 15 now and I had to help her at this age in the shower because of this exact issue. She has very thick ringlets and it is a real pain to comb out. I just put LOTS of Pantene conditioner in her hair and combed out in the shower. When she got out, I patted it damp and combed it out again. Then I braided it. When she kept removing the braids after repeated warnings, I then had her hair cut short. She is still mad about it but she does admit it was her fault and she was warned adequately about the consequences. Maybe you can get it looking great and then French Braid it and let it go for a couple of days. Good luck.:)

[Cadam]

You got some helpful replies for taking care of it but seriously yes, you can forcibly cut her hair if need be. My dd desperately wants long hair but she pulls one side making it break off short so I have to get the other side cut to match length. Her hair will stay short until we are able to resolve the pulling. Such is life.

ps. yes, I know my dd has trillatacamania, it is one among many issues. :D

[Peek a Boo]

that some of you would cut your child's hair without them knowing it!!!

I will agree with them keeping their hair brushed....or having an adult do it without complaint....but cutting the child's hair when they are sleeping...um.....no, LOL!

Tammy

If she refuses to do it w/o complaint, and refuses to be talked into getting it cut, then ABSOLUTELY i would cut it while they were asleep. I would even warn her that I would cut it while she slept if she refuses to comply w/ what is needed to keep it long. It is a LOT easier to cut a sleeping child's hair than a screaming witch's hair. It doesn't need to be a butcher job, just remove those excess inches.

But my own experience has been that training and parenting will take care of most circumstances so stuff like this isn't always necessary :-)

[Jill, OK]

Suave Kids makes a 2-in-1 shampoo/detangling conditioner that is AWESOME! It's called "Cowabunga Coconut" (smells wonderful), and the first time I combed through my second dd's hair, after washing it with this...I was amazed. She's seven, has hair that comes to the top of her hiney...and I've never been this impressed with a product.

This is what I do; first of all, if it becomes an issue (unable to let me take care of it, or care for it, herself), then it's in danger of getting cut.

The way I've found to manage it best is brush it thoroughly before washing, comb it out after washing, and braid it before bed. It's best to braid it or tie it up if she's going outside (quite an outdoorsy kid), but that doesn't always happen, lol.

[Whisperlily]

When my DD was that age we had a hard time getting her to keep her hair brushed, or being willing to have it brushed. It was long, curly and beautiful (when brushed). I had to cut it. She had her hair cut to chin-length just before she turned 6, and it looked adorable. It was MUCH easier, and in the end, she was happy.

My 3 year old has long curly hair, and it requires work. (I think her hair would require work even if it were short. I use a good quality shampoo and conditioner on her hair. The conditioner is a "smooth and sleek" conditioner and it seems to really help keep her hair from becoming matted and tangled (otherwise she'd have it in knots within 5 minutes. :rolleyes:)

I have to condition it every day, and comb it while the hair is wet, directly out of the shower. Even "damp" hair is much harder to work with. If I let it go an extra day or two between conditioning it takes time to work the knots out. It's also better if it is in braids or ponytails.

Johnson's No More Tangles lives in our car for emergency use only. I have found that it's better than plain water, but it doesn't work as great on her hair as it did my other DD's. I think this is because my older DD's hair wasn't as fine and breakable as youngest DD and the knots/tangles didn't get as tight, and could stand a little more "work" to untangle without breaking or stretching the hair.

[Dana in OR]

If that does not work I would take her to get a nice shoulder or chin-length bob. She would probably be thanking you for it later when the heat of summer hits.

[lynn]

Thanks for the warning. I want my dd to have long hair but we have to keep her bangs trimmed because she will not keep it up out of her face. I have tried every hair doodad out there and she'll leave if for a few minutes then out it comes.....sigh. We'll see how this turns out. She is only 2.5 now. Oh I did get some leave in spray conditioner from Cost Cutters I think it's their brand that I spray on her hair right when I towel her off to get into the habit. It might work for your dd. Any spray conditioner should work.

[daisychics]

but I took my dd 3 here :

https://www.pigtailsandcrewcuts.com/locations.aspx

maybe they have one where you are at.

I also had the same problem. :)
gonna take her there again soon.

[melissel]

Thank you all. I would never cut her hair without her knowledge, though I can absolutely see where the temptation to do so would come into play! There have been times when I'm sitting and brushing and she's whining so much that I'm tempted to just start yanking that brush through her hair :rolleyes: Like Jenn said, she's got some serious personal boundaries, and would never, ever trust me again.

Before I went to the store, I told her that I'm going to try several options that people recommended to me in terms of products, but if they don't work, we will be going to the hair salon for a nice bob, because she has summer camp coming up, and the hair issues are only going to get worse. The bottom line is that she is ultimately responsible for her hair now, and if she can't manage it, she will have a haircut.

I bought a whole bunch of different things, including, unfortunately, some of the things you said not to buy (I'd already left the house!). It doesn't matter, we'll try them all. I'll even invest in a Mason Pearson brush, if I can find one. But after that, it's haircut time. I think Dana's right, she would thank me in the end, but getting there is going to be difficult!

Oh, and we have a special hair salon here too. They make a HUGE fancy deal over getting haircuts--for girls, they get a big fancy treatment and a manicure and pedicure to go with it. I was telling DD about how a friend of hers finally consented to go there and have her hair cut, and how she'd be getting this big spa treatment. DD's eyes got bigger and bigger, and I said, "Well, how would you like to go at the same time as E, and you could sit next to each other and get your manicures and your hair cut at the same time???" She responded, "Wow!!! I won't get my hair cut, but I'll go and watch!!!"

*sigh* :rolleyes:

[Pencil Pusher]

I may be too late, & my dd is only 4, but here's what we do:

I get a bottle of conditioner & a spray water bottle to use when I'm working through big knots. She has very fine hair & can be quite dramatic. This works SO much better than the detangler spray, although even that is better than nothing, psychologically speaking.

I've also told her, for the last couple of years, that I'm combing out "rats." When I was a kid, I remember my grandparents calling knots in my hair "rats' nests." Anyway, this has helped the conflict to move off of either her or me. We're fighting something else together.

Now, these rats really like it there. They hang on tight. Tears are like glue--they help the rats hang on better. But cheerful singing, for example? It distracts them, & they just slip. right. out.

I've had much less of a problem the last year or so than we used to have. She'll be 5 next mo, & I can't imagine that we're anywhere in sight of her being able to manage her own hair but. oh. so. excited. at the prospect!:D

Good luck! I hope you & dd find something that works for you!

[Peek a Boo]

just a quick thought:

the personal boundaries issues are very important, but they are also a two-way street.

If they can not learn to respect YOUR boundaries --obedience w/ complaining-- then they forfeit the right to have THEIR boundaries respected --cutting their hair w/o their consent.

That is simply the way the Real World works. Infringing upon another's boundaries and rights results in a loss of your own rights.

I give them a LOT of areas of choice and they know that i will uphold that which i present. But I am very clear to present consequences. They can trust that consequences [good AND bad] will be upheld.

I am very hopeful that any of the suggestions offered will help w/ the issue at hand, but here as well as in other areas, a child's respect for your authority will be what it boils down to. Don't confuse "i don't trust you anymore" or "I hate you!" with what really means "I am very unhappy w/ your consequences." Far too often parents cater to the words being spoken instead of standing by the authority that needs to be established.

Not that this is necessarily happening here in OP's situation --only y'all can decide if that's an issue. But for any other lurkers, i wanted to bring it up. :cool:

[Peek a Boo]

Aubrey!! i love the analogy!!!
I'll hafta work it in w/ my own 4yodd :D
Thanks-

[melissel]

I may be too late, & my dd is only 4, but here's what we do...

Thank you. No way are you too late--I'm certain there are several more stages left in this battle!

It's funny that several people have mentioned brushing when wet. I thought the same thing, but then found, after letting her run around too long one day while tending to her sister, that I had an easier time brushing because it was drier (dryer? more dry?). Maybe I'll try the brushing in bath thing again. It's that soft, silky hair around the nape of the neck that gets so snarled and knotted!

[Pencil Pusher]

Aubrey!! i love the analogy!!!
I'll hafta work it in w/ my own 4yodd :D
Thanks-

LOL! "Analogy." Yep. I like that word.;)

[melissel]

just a quick thought:

the personal boundaries issues are very important, but they are also a two-way street.

If they can not learn to respect YOUR boundaries --obedience w/ complaining-- then they forfeit the right to have THEIR boundaries respected --cutting their hair w/o their consent.

That is simply the way the Real World works. Infringing upon another's boundaries and rights results in a loss of your own rights.

I give them a LOT of areas of choice and they know that i will uphold that which i present. But I am very clear to present consequences. They can trust that consequences [good AND bad] will be upheld.

I am very hopeful that any of the suggestions offered will help w/ the issue at hand, but here as well as in other areas, a child's respect for your authority will be what it boils down to. Don't confuse "i don't trust you anymore" or "I hate you!" with what really means "I am very unhappy w/ your consequences." Far too often parents cater to the words being spoken instead of standing by the authority that needs to be established.

Not that this is necessarily happening here in OP's situation --only y'all can decide if that's an issue. But for any other lurkers, i wanted to bring it up. :cool:

Thanks Peek, I do hear you. It's just not my style of parenting. We don't spank or slap hands either--just our preference. I feel pretty strongly about physical discipline. That said, though, I do need to be better about backing up my expectations with other consequences (e.g., "I'm sorry, but you can't go to your playdate with messy hair. You'll need to brush it through, or we have to stay home.") Too many times, I throw my hands up in the air in the interest of getting out the door, and let her go with just a clip reorganization. I'll have to pay more attention to that!

[Tammy]

I wouldn't call the child's 'obedience' a personal boundary for you. Discipline and personal boundaries are different.....for me anyway.

2nd of all.....for a 5yo....maybe she needs to be 'taught' how to care for her hair.....I wonder who washes her hair?

Tammy

[tess in the burbs]

My dd loves her hair long too and I made the switch a year ago to an adult conditioner since the kid's one did nothing for her tangles.

I don't go all out. I usually get Suave. but it works like magic and she can brush her hair after a shower now. I only have to help with the bad knots.

[Tap, tap, tap]

We drew pictures of different hair styles, looked at the hair of girls her age, and looked at hair styling books when we went to the mall. She was much happier about the thought of getting it cut since she got to pick the style. As soon as she was ready, we went in and got it lopped off. She had about an 8-10 inch ponytail to bring home to daddy.

We stopped and got a few new hair clips since she wouldn't need her hair bands anymore.

If you want to keep it long then teach her to let the water, conditioner and a wide tooth comb do the work while in the shower. When she gets out, have her squeeze the water out without rubbing the hair. Then Immediately put it into braids. Keep her hair braided through the day, everyday. If she wants to leave it straight, then it has to be brushed out every morning, at lunch and at night....no exceptions. You can keep a hair brush in the car and let her work on it there, or in her bed before she goes to sleep. I would convince her to at least let you cut 1-2 inches to clean up the bottom of the hair since some of the length is still her baby hair. Baby hair is very fine and can tangle very easy. Maybe you can talk her into cutting off the baby hair and then letting her big girl hair back in. (Along the lines of the baby teeth/big girl teeth).

I had better luck with using a homemade detangler instead of a commercial one. I used regular conditioner and water in a spray bottle. That way, when she went to wash her hair, the water re-hydrated the conditioner and it made it easier to keep the tangles out when we washed it.

[melissel]

I wouldn't call the child's 'obedience' a personal boundary for you. Discipline and personal boundaries are different.....for me anyway.

2nd of all.....for a 5yo....maybe she needs to be 'taught' how to care for her hair.....I wonder who washes her hair?

Tammy

She does know how to care for it, but it's so long it's hard for her to manage it, frankly. Also, she's my kid who would happily have me pick out her clothes, dress her, and put on her shoes for her every day :rolleyes: I do still wash her hair for her, in part because I'm still experimenting with different things to make it easier to get rid of the knots. I don't mind washing it--it's the brushing I mind! She doesn't want braids or ponytails, but I think that has to do with the fact that I insist on brushing it through before I'll put it in a braid or ponytail, and she doesn't want it brushed. I might have to make sleeping braids a condition of having long hair, hmmm...

I use Pantene conditioner, but I was using cheapo V05 shampoo, which probably wasn't doing us any favors. I'll have to report back on my results with all our new products :D

[Peek a Boo]

I wouldn't call the child's 'obedience' a personal boundary for you. Discipline and personal boundaries are different.....for me anyway.

2nd of all.....for a 5yo....maybe she needs to be 'taught' how to care for her hair.....
Tammy

except your ability to work w/ your child relies on those personal boundaries of obedience. It *is* a boundary that you expect to be respected, and it deals specifically w/ your personal authority. It might be a boundary of obedience, but it is still a personal boundary that needs to be respected. If my child continually crosses that boundary, it reflects on the parenting role, the child's role, and hinders future progress.

Discipline is used to keep those boundaries in place.

One's preference in dicipline style is [mostly] irrelevant as long as it works well for that family, but the lack of discipline and crossing of boundaries will rear its ugly head in similar forms.

i do agree that teaching and training are key to expecting obedience. It's tough for a child [or anyone!] to obey if they have not been diligently, repetitively taught and supported and followed-up. That takes a few years. lol. I'm w/ mellisel on this one--for a 5yo, I wouldn't mind helping w/ hair care. It's tough to do a lot of things when you're only 5 :)

[Tammy]

I still don't think 'discipline' is a personal boundary.....but....I am not trying to convince anyone! Discipline starts at birth....and needs to be consistant....throughout life....but I am sure we agree on that much :) I still wouldn't cut my child's hair....while she was sleeping....without her knowledge.

[Whisperlily]

She'll be 5 next mo, & I can't imagine that we're anywhere in sight of her being able to manage her own hair but. oh. so. excited. at the prospect!:D

My oldest DD is 10 and it wasn't until the last month or so that she could do the whole process from washing/conditioning/DRYING and styling all by herself. She could brush it before, but until now she still needed help somewhere along the haircare process.

[Peek a Boo]

I still don't think 'discipline' is a personal boundary.....but....I am not trying to convince anyone! Discipline starts at birth....and needs to be consistant....throughout life....but I am sure we agree on that much :) I still wouldn't cut my child's hair....while she was sleeping....without her knowledge.


tammy-- you're right!! *discipline* is not a personal boundary: authority is.

Disobedience crosses the personal boundaries of authority.
Discipline corrects the crossing of those boundaries.

And if you want your boundaries to be respected, you need to respect the boundaries set by others.
In this case, Obedience.

Discipline is all about training kids to maintain certain boundaries.
We train to establish and prevent the crossing of those boundaries.
We discipline to correct.

That's why I said in my first post that this was a discipline issue.

Person A crossed the boundaries of authority. More Training and possible Discipline will correct that. If Person A didn't fully understand the boundary crossed, we train. If they knew and crossed it anyway, we discipline

Refusal to comply via reasonable disciplinary measures [training] will result in loss of boundary privileges [right to have hair at preferred length].

Refusal to comply w/ that loss of boundary privileges [refusing to be helpful in choosing your new hairstyle or screaming and pitching a fit at the hair salon] will result in EVEN MORE loss of privileges [the right to be involved in how that loss of hair length will occcur].

And technically, i wouldn't be cutting her hair "without her knowledge" --she would have been warned a-plenty that her non-compliance would end up w/ inches being lopped off at my discretion. Or in other words, whenever i found it easiest to carry out the consequence of continued disobedience. I'm not wielding scissors around a kid that is screaming and throwing a temper tantrum. That's asking for trouble.:eek:

I'm not necessarily out to "convince" anyone, but i do think that exploring the roles of words, actions, consequences, and rights can be important in discussions. and this kind of thing can be applied to almost any disobedience issue, not just hair ;)

[ack25]

To the original poster ;)...

We have tried several things. At one point, the whining, etc was just too much. I refused to brush her hair. I told her that I would only brush her hair when she asked me too or on special occassions. If she didn't comply quietly as I brushed, then I would immediately stop brushing. If she didn't comply on special occassions, we would have to talk more about consequences that may include a walk-in salon. Those were my groundrules. She had several days of very very tangly ugly hair. Eventually she asked. As I tenderly took out the knots, I was sure to mention that some were so tough to get out, we may have to cut them out. Overall, this has worked, particularly as she has gotten older.

The other huge help is showers in leau of baths, adult conditioner, brushing with conditioner in the hair, rinsing and then brushing again when the hair was just damp, and nighttime braids.

On a side note, I was "made" to get my hair cut into a short layered cut when I was my daughter's age. I have had hair issues ever since and lay all blame fully at the feet of my parents. ;)

[Chris in VA]

Seems like you have had plenty of advice (who knew it was this big a deal? lol), but here's my two cents.

Lots of conditioner, a 5 inch trim (or a little less), braid immediately after detangling after shampooing, braid before bed. No leaving the house w/o brushing, no school until brushed (before teeth here). Five is too young to brush her own long hair.

I taught my dd some Lamaze breathing (nothing fancy, just deep exhales) for hair brushing time. Helps!
Cutting off the dead ends was an amazing help, too, as was braiding at night.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Gee, maybe that was more like fifty cents! lol

[Brigitte]

Seems like you have had plenty of advice (who knew it was this big a deal? lol), but here's my two cents.

Lots of conditioner, a 5 inch trim (or a little less), braid immediately after detangling after shampooing, braid before bed. No leaving the house w/o brushing, no school until brushed (before teeth here). Five is too young to brush her own long hair.

I taught my dd some Lamaze breathing (nothing fancy, just deep exhales) for hair brushing time. Helps!
Cutting off the dead ends was an amazing help, too, as was braiding at night.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Gee, maybe that was more like fifty cents! lol

Yes, Yes, Yes! A good trim might be in order. One of my twins (6 y.o.) has the same tangling problem. Her hair was down to her waist or slighly longer. I had a good four inches cut off, so her hair was still really long, and it made a world of difference in the tangling of her hair.

Also, I have found the Suave and L'Oreal 2-in-1 kids' shampoos to be very effective. When we need it, I put in adult conditioner after she shampoos.