Finally, a diagnosis.....

[sheryl]

We learned just a few days ago my dd has: add, adhd and odd.

Any of you experts handling these things, please offer 2-3 BEST bits of wisdom in short sentences. Ottakee, I look forward to hearing from you!

I have mixed emotions....we (dh and I) are relieved there is a diagnosis which "makes sense", but it seems to be sooo much on top of her controlled epilepsy.

I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving the doctor the wisdom to accurately diagnose my dd. Another blessing is that this female psychiatrist goes to our church....even though no two snowflakes are alike, we do sit "under" the same pastor. It was a blessing to find her. She is a blessing.

She charges a certain rate. We have insurance but this doctor is out of network, so we would have had to meet the deductible and then pay the co=pay. Dr. *** said for us to pay $75 instead of her normal $150 for first time visit/eval!!! Also, she said she would just charge us what our co-pay would be for future appts. with her (not filing with insurance).

On top of all of that....she spent not the usual 1 hour time slot, but 3 HOURS!!! We arrived at 4:15 and we left just after 7:00 pm!!

She prescribed a med for my dd and it's day 6 for that new med. She is back to her "normal/usual" self and seems "more typical" like her peers of the same age.

Any of you with tips, suggestions, etc. The doctors are encouraging that one day she'll be able to be weaned from her meds for epilepsy and now add/adhd/odd....it will be a few years though.

Just wanted to give God the glory in case this ministers to anyone. I hope to hear from several of you on my question.

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[JenneinAZ]

I am not an expert but the advice I would give is to:

Take care of yourself.

In my house when I am having a hard time the whole family feels it. When I am doing great the whole family feels that too.

[justamouse]

My oldest is ADHD and is now 18.

Make sure she has a consequence for everything she does that breaks your rules, and DON'T bend your rules to fit her. I was so easy on him when he was young, and it came back to haunt me huge. Every action has a consequence, and stick to it.

Also, they are SUPER smart. But that doesn't mean they are mature. So give them what their maturity can handle, not their age. If they can not handle a bigger responsibility, then explain why, "When you did ____ it showed me that you are not responsible enough to _______." (see how those pesky consequences work?)

One day she will be asking for car keys, you know? And you need to work her up to the responsibility of having those keys.

[Ottakee]

Sounds like you found a GREAT doctor. We have one that is a real keeper as well.

I would suggest keeping a mood chart, etc.--some thing very simple to chart each day her moods, sleep, attention span, anger, etc. This way you can quickly see any patterns, how meds are working, any side effects, etc.

[sheryl]

My oldest is ADHD and is now 18.

Make sure she has a consequence for everything she does that breaks your rules, and DON'T bend your rules to fit her. I was so easy on him when he was young, and it came back to haunt me huge. Every action has a consequence, and stick to it.

Also, they are SUPER smart. But that doesn't mean they are mature. So give them what their maturity can handle, not their age. If they can not handle a bigger responsibility, then explain why, "When you did ____ it showed me that you are not responsible enough to _______." (see how those pesky consequences work?)

One day she will be asking for car keys, you know? And you need to work her up to the responsibility of having those keys.


This is so sound advice....I agree with everything here! Excellent. Thanks.

We're first time older parents so we've seen more than most....sometimes I feel I'm too hard and other times too easy. I will need to use common sense and discernment with her.

She is very bright. And, yes, she is emotionally immature. At 10+ years old she acts more like a 7-8 year old...at least sometimes. Bless you!

[sheryl]

Sounds like you found a GREAT doctor. We have one that is a real keeper as well.

I would suggest keeping a mood chart, etc.--some thing very simple to chart each day her moods, sleep, attention span, anger, etc. This way you can quickly see any patterns, how meds are working, any side effects, etc.


OK, that's great! I'll do that. Good advice here too! What is the liklihood this too can be "outgrown" with meds, prayer, therapy, growing, etc?

[Ottakee]

It depends. Things can get better and some kids do go off meds as teens/young adults but for many, they do need meds long term.

Did the psychiatrist have an idea what was "behind" the ODD? Usually there is something behind the oppositional behavior that needs to be addressed and then the ODD gets better.

OK, that's great! I'll do that. Good advice here too! What is the liklihood this too can be "outgrown" with meds, prayer, therapy, growing, etc?

[WishboneDawn]

I have ADD and 3 things that help me are:

Routine, routine, routine. Not strict and detailed but a general pattern for day after day. Get up at 7:30, make breakfast, have the kids do their chores, start school work by 8:30 - that kind of thing.

Sleep. I need to turn in by 10. I need to nap when I get tired.

Eat right. That means regular routine meals and good, substantial meals. Breakfast and lunch have to have proteins and carbs to get me through the day.

None of this is revolutionary and everybody needs these things but where lack of those things might make for a bad day for someone else it make for a miserable, inconsistent, confusing day for me and everyone around me.

I do also take meds. I really have a hard time laying the above foundation without them.

[sheryl]

It depends. Things can get better and some kids do go off meds as teens/young adults but for many, they do need meds long term.

Did the psychiatrist have an idea what was "behind" the ODD? Usually there is something behind the oppositional behavior that needs to be addressed and then the ODD gets better.


Honestly, you are so knowledgable about these issues. I didn't realize the "behind" issue. Like what...example? I think it was said by the psychologist who did more of the academic eval as well as the psychiatrist that the add/adhd may be contributing to it. Also the psychiat said that she has "bad" "habits" developed. So, this med is supposed to calm her down, help her focus and REALIZE that she can work through her issues, thereby developing new habits of self-control.

She used to get in such a tizzy that she "literally" couldn't think straight.

[sheryl]

I have ADD and 3 things that help me are:

Routine, routine, routine. Not strict and detailed but a general pattern for day after day. Get up at 7:30, make breakfast, have the kids do their chores, start school work by 8:30 - that kind of thing.

Sleep. I need to turn in by 10. I need to nap when I get tired.

Eat right. That means regular routine meals and good, substantial meals. Breakfast and lunch have to have proteins and carbs to get me through the day.

None of this is revolutionary and everybody needs these things but where lack of those things might make for a bad day for someone else it make for a miserable, inconsistent, confusing day for me and everyone around me.

I do also take meds. I really have a hard time laying the above foundation without them.


I don't know how I missed seeing your reply. Thanks so much for it! It is encouraging and it's the same theme that keeps coming back....routine!

We were told that she needs to develop "good" habits to replace old ones and in time the brain will catch up and realize the difference.

What is the difference b/t add and adhd? That's the only thing I didn't understand when the psychiat spoke it. I think she said add is NOW called adhd. But, if they are the same and have only a name change then how can their be 2 diagnoses for the same thing. Does that make sense at all?

[Ottakee]

The getting in a "tizzy" could be a behind issues.

By this I might the root cause behind the oppositional behavior. For some kids it is a mood disorder, for other ADD/ADHD, learning disabilities, depression, anxiety, sensory issues, attachment issues, fetal alcohol/drug exposure, etc. and on and on. There is almost always something else going on behind the ODD. For some it might be food allergies/intolerances or simply hunger/blood sugar issues.

The key is to find out what it is and treat/addresss it so that you can reduce the oppositional behavior.

The meds might help her calm down enough to think through things and therefore not get as frustrated which then leads to oppositional behavior.

Did they suggest counseling? It can be helpful to give you the tools you need to address this as well as her the skills to work on these areas. So much of counseling is empowering the parents as they live with the child where the counselor only sees them 1 hour a week.

[sheryl]

The getting in a "tizzy" could be a behind issues.

By this I might the root cause behind the oppositional behavior. For some kids it is a mood disorder, for other ADD/ADHD, learning disabilities, depression, anxiety, sensory issues, attachment issues, fetal alcohol/drug exposure, etc. and on and on. There is almost always something else going on behind the ODD. For some it might be food allergies/intolerances or simply hunger/blood sugar issues.

The key is to find out what it is and treat/addresss it so that you can reduce the oppositional behavior.

The meds might help her calm down enough to think through things and therefore not get as frustrated which then leads to oppositional behavior.

Did they suggest counseling? It can be helpful to give you the tools you need to address this as well as her the skills to work on these areas. So much of counseling is empowering the parents as they live with the child where the counselor only sees them 1 hour a week.



O ~

Thanks much. I need to digest this and further evaluate "root" cause. I believe in doing this so much. The psychi did not suggest counseling...I actually brought it up and she said that it can be useful. That will be the project I work on now..before we hit the books in Sept...to find a counselor.

Thanks VERY much! Talk to you later. Sheryl

[Phoatogirl]

My oldest is ADHD and is now 18.

Make sure she has a consequence for everything she does that breaks your rules, and DON'T bend your rules to fit her. I was so easy on him when he was young, and it came back to haunt me huge. Every action has a consequence, and stick to it.

.

I speak from experience on this one: The ODD makes this very wise advise not so wise. The harder I cramped down on mine, the worse everything got. I actually put him in school for 3rd grade because i couldn't take the horrid tantrums and impossible, uncooperative behavior any longer. When we changed our attitude and approach, things finally started to change.

[Phoatogirl]

The getting in a "tizzy" could be a behind issues.

By this I might the root cause behind the oppositional behavior. For some kids it is a mood disorder, for other ADD/ADHD, learning disabilities, depression, anxiety, sensory issues, attachment issues, fetal alcohol/drug exposure, etc. and on and on. There is almost always something else going on behind the ODD. For some it might be food allergies/intolerances or simply hunger/blood sugar issues.

The key is to find out what it is and treat/addresss it so that you can reduce the oppositional behavior.

The meds might help her calm down enough to think through things and therefore not get as frustrated which then leads to oppositional behavior.

Did they suggest counseling? It can be helpful to give you the tools you need to address this as well as her the skills to work on these areas. So much of counseling is empowering the parents as they live with the child where the counselor only sees them 1 hour a week.


This is so right on! When our child was evaluated and given the ODD label, they also found some anxiety and told us to watch for depression. He was eventually placed on an extremely small dose of Serequel (25 mg), but was only on it for a year. I think it may have helped him calm down some, but it wasn't night and day. Changing our parenting style was the biggest thing that helped him. It's really late, or I'd write a lot more, but for now, I'll pass on the titles of the two most important books that really, really helped us:

Ross Greene's The Explosive Child
http://www.amazon.com/The-Explosive-Child/dp/B000W968NW/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1250317459&sr=8-4

Omg! This book makes so much sense in dealing with these types of kids, but it goes counter to everything you've learned as a parent. You really must own this book if you are parenting a kid with ODD. I see that he has a new book out, which I'll have to read! This book was my bible after we got a diagnosis

And this book was also very important:


Kid's Parents and Power Struggles, by Kurcinka http://www.amazon.com/Kids-Parents-Power-Struggles-Lifetime/dp/0060930438/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_2
This book speaks to the idea that "it is always about something else". The behavior is a result of something not being "right" with the child.

Hope things start looking up for you.

[Ottakee]

I was just coming here to post about the book, The Explosive Child. It is VERY good and very helpful. It DOES go against the "normal" parenting stuff at times as you do let some things slide (for a time).

I don't think that it is a parenting style to continue life long, but when you and your child are struggling, it is VERY helpful. As the child makes progress you can return to more normal parenting---if that makes sense.

[elizam]

I speak from experience on this one: The ODD makes this very wise advise not so wise. The harder I cramped down on mine, the worse everything got. I actually put him in school for 3rd grade because i couldn't take the horrid tantrums and impossible, uncooperative behavior any longer. When we changed our attitude and approach, things finally started to change.


DITTO!

[sheryl]

Can you give me an example of "when" and "to what extent" you all may "let something slide"? I do agree that there needs to be a balance and understanding on our part as parents. She is taught to obey by following directions, etc. But, she has to want to make that choice....we as parents really can't force that. But. we teach and reinforce again and again. Sometimes I've gotten to stuck about that and there have been battles of the wills....her opposing me and my insisting her obedience because I'm the parent. BUT, choosing the battles is correct.

But, when/how? Give me examples?

She started this new med for this new diagnosis. She was a model child for the first 6 days on the med....a COMPLETE turnaround. She was better in every way. She had more energy, focus, perseverance, initiative, clear thinking, obedient/following directions the "first" time and not after 20 repetitions, joyful, calmer, etc. Unfortunately this is day 3 of a "return" to her "old" symptomatic self.

I am wiped out....going back and forth like a ping pong ball. I was the "best Mom in the world" last week and last night she stomped on my foot and doesn't "desire" to be around me "as much".

:confused: