Does anybody else get sick and tired of never having "enough" money?...

[Sue G in PA]

or am I the only one? Yes, I'm whining. No other point to my post so please disregard if you're not in the mood.:) So, we get our tax refund and it's already earmarked for "stuff". Two of those things are curriculum and paying my midwife (baby due in less than a month and we haven't paid cent one yet). So, I TOLD dh I'm already buying curriculum when I see it for sale. Okay, he says. I'm figuring I'll pay my midwife at my next appt. (today) at least half. Dh KNOWS we need to pay her, KNOWS when baby is due. He tells me we have to wait until his first paycheck from his new job (the 15th) and THEN a week after that for the check to clear. WHAT?!?!?! The baby could be here by then! :eek: He paid off our car with most of the refund already. Okay, good choice, but couldn't the car WAIT? The car isn't delivering our BABY in 3 weeks! He doesn't understand how stressed I am now. Of course, my midwife will understand, but it's ME that feels awkward now. I skipped my appt. today b/c of this. I'm just so frustrated. You pay off the car FIRST? Priorities anyone? I guess he just doesn't really understand. I'm NOT complaining about dh...he is a great husband and terrific financial organizer, etc. I'm just hormonal and SICK of robbing "Peter to pay Paul" every.single.month. I thought this refund would give us that "cushion" we needed. Guess I was wrong.:( Now, I don't even want to have this baby. We have to rent the birth tub and I have to pay her up front for that.

That is all...just a whiney, hormonal, 8 1/2 mos. pregnant moment. Thanks for listening and please carry on :)

[JESSICAinMD]

I feel the same way about my refund. For us, It disappeared all too quickly with car troubles. Hang in there. You aren't alone!

[Whisperlily]

That is all...just a whiney, hormonal, 8 1/2 mos. pregnant moment. Thanks for listening and please carry on :)

Whine all you like. You have good reason to feel frustrated. When I was that close to delivery my mind would make up reasons to become stressed/emotional, even if they didn't have validity (and yours does!).

About the money issue, I know what you mean. I've found that with all our "plans" a lump sum of money always seemed to make us more financially frustrated. That may not make sense, but when you know it's coming, you mentally spend it in 100 ways, and when it's actually time, and the money is spent, you think of all the other things you *could* have done with it.

If you can, pretend the money didn't exist in the first place. What would you have done to pay the midwife? You will do just fine. YOUR main priority is staying healthy, and bringing that little one into the world. And it will happen whether there's money in the bank or not.

But, please. Whine all you like! You have earned it.

(((Sue)))

[OnTheBrink]

((((((HUGS)))))))

I'm not 8.5 months pg, I'm not getting a refund and I have no dh, BUT, I can so relate to the money part! We live off of our child support, alimony and what I make babysitting one toddler and on paper it looks great. In life, it's hard. I've been waiting 9 months for my divorce settlement and once it arrives, I get to pay off debt incurred while waiting for my attorney to file the paperwork. I have to get a new vehicle and me and my kids just have some needs that need to be met. So, I'm already stressing about this settlement and how it's going to be eaten up. *sigh*

Let's have some cheese and whine together. ;)

[elegantlion]

We're self employed, I don't even remember what a tax REFUND looks like! Yes, I understand your frustration with your dh, btdt in a similar situation.

Sounds like he owes you a massage at least.

[sarathan]

Yes, totally sick of it!!

I was in a similar situation as you when our second baby was due... we ended up not doing the birth tub simply because I didn't want to pay for it. How ridiculous is that?? It worked out in the end anyway because the baby came so fast I had him on my bathroom floor without my midwife, lol.

But yes, I'm with you on being poor, it gets very old.

:)

[Janna]

I'm hesitating in this post because I'm afraid it will quickly go down hill in terms of my whining and complaining too. I'm hoping that by starting my post this way, it will keep me in check. :)

Sue, I totally understand, although I'm 7.5 months pg. But listen, I'm telling you this because I know you're a fellow believer.

We were already stretched thin. We had our debt paid off, but then we had our one and only car die - blew a head gasket, not worth fixing because it had major other problems in addition. So we bought a new car (well, it was used, but barely) 2 years ago. Last summer, we decided to get dh a car (because we only had the one and it was getting too hard), so we bought him an old clunker. So now we have the debt of a car, right? OK, so then we find out I'm pg and like you, the Dr. has to be paid up before delivery. So every month we've been giving to that. Then dd comes down with weird asthma like symptoms requiring tons of Dr. visits - lots of co-pays, plus expensive medicine. Plus she has some other weird thing with her toes (not going to explain) which actually required an echocardiogram (I know, but again, it's too much to explain) that we're still paying on. We're doing OK - it's starting to get a little tight, but we can handle it, right? THEN, dh and I both feel convicted by the Lord to start tithing. I mean, a true 10% tithe. GULP. We argue with him, we laugh at ourselves and tell each other He's not really telling us to do that because...well, HE knows we wouldn't have ANY money if we did that. It's just foolish. Insane. What are we thinking? But the conviction gets stronger and we realize it's a TOTAL faith thing for us. Again, major GULP. So at the end of January we start tithing. Oh my gosh. Sue, I'm not joking. It's been one thing after another of unexpected bills, illnesses, job problems (as in lack of business due to the recession), higher food prices, higher gas prices, kids needing this and that AND I'M PREGNANT AND HORMONAL. We are at our wits end. Seriously. We don't even have money for food anymore. We were going to have an extra paycheck in March that was going to pay for baby things, a men's church outing that my dh has wanted to go on for years but we never were able to afford, and pay for dd's birthday presents. Now that "extra" check is going to make up for the amount we're falling behind. Our bills aren't late or anything, but we have significantly less money for food and NO money for school and Christmas savings like we had been doing. We are stripped. I'm sure this is where the Lord wants us (OK, I'm not sure), but being pregnant? I am stressed. I am soo enormously stressed. And with my flu that landed me in the hospital 3 days ago with premature labor? My dh is majorly stressed now too.

And the tax refund? Well my dh is a silent partner in my father's business and therefore we have to wait for my dad to get his numbers together so that he can tell us and then we can do ours. My dad waits until the very. last. minute. to do this. He procrastinates in everything. So our tax refund won't even be here until May.

I can't finish this up without acknowledging that the Lord has blessed us in many ways - mainly with baby items from people who didn't need their stuff anymore - stroller, carseat, some clothing, swing, sling, some diapers...and I am more than grateful and humbled for those things. But we need to eat. My cupboards are bare. My gas tank is empty. And I am wigging out about it almost daily. And then I beat myself up for not having enough faith, when I know so much of it is just hormonal and the natural feelings of a new mother wanting nothing more than to protect her young.

I understand. I sympathize. (((HUGS))) to you. (((HUGS))) to US.

[nestof3]

I know what you're saying. We owe $4,000 in taxes and now have to pay a $5,000 medical deductible for my cardiac ablation. Yippee!

[Joanne]

Yes.

I am very grateful for the quality of my life in terms of my kids, my husband, my church, my relationship with God, my extended family and friends. I'll celebrate 17 years of recovery from drugs and alcohol in May. It's been 2 years since I've had to listen to verbal abuse. I've lost more than 40 pounds and gained a great deal of health (physical and emotional).

I have 2 terrific homeschool clients, a couple of terrific "family coaching" clients. I have a 2 great friends who are after school clients and have been for a long time (so long they are aging out of needing me!).

But I am weary and at time resentful of my chronic income issues. I tried for 3 years prior to my divorce to "debt snowball" but was unable. Eventually, I truly had no choice but to declare bankrupcty. I "more than qualified" when I took the means test/evaluation. When I took the pre-bk course, the person told me "I'm not supposed to say that, but you have no other options". I was unable to sell this house, divorced and driving a 13 year old unreliable vehicle without air conditioning. I'm sorry; I realize this might be petty to some, but at the time, I was driving 75 miles a day for work in Houston traffic, 1 hour in the am and 3 in the afternoon. I couldn't keep the kids safe/comfortable and my clothes were dirty/smelly quick. I nearly cried every day I had to get in that vehicle.

I've tried for 2 years to create an emergency fund. (I don't wholeheartedly believe in Dave Ramsey, but I do agree with his steps). The reason for the emergency fund - unexpecteds - have happened and I've not been able to establish a savings to use so that we don't have to de-rail our monthly budget.

My freezer has meat it in (I'm grateful) but each and every package is not only on sale, but marked with special "clearance" tags. My soups and mixes and pasta are all dented, damaged clearance items. Most of my clothes are still from a thrift store (and I had promised myself I was not going to buy thrift store clothing after my xh left. For me, it was a self esteem issue).

Baseball season takes lots more gas; gas prices are at a record high. It also takes equipment. My youngest has new (needed) cleats but I can't get my oldest's yet (he needs metal). He went all last season without a bat of his own. That's very hard at his level of baseball. He NEVER complained.

My xh does pay child support regularly. My dh (and I) were thrown into major aging parent issues right after we got married, the leads on his job basically ended. He's done everything he can to bring income in (side jobs, fireworks stand) and he's going to drive a bus for the local school district. My kids are covered; but my DH and I are without benefits. His former work situation did not pay for expenses and it got to where it was costing us for him to work at that job.

I hate it when my kids make a reasonable request for something and I have to tell them "I'm not going to spend our resources on that right now. Here's the best plan I can come up with."

Yes. I'm 42 and sometimes I really, really do believe my health will be compromised long term due to worry over money issues. I can't claim "poverty" and my life is full of luxury. Really. But there is a kind of "broke" that is not visible in cul-de-sacs. I have that kind of broke; so did many of my daycare clients.

[Michelle T]

Since DH got no paycheck at the end of Feb., and will only get a very small check the last day of March.

We are counting the days until our refund, as we need it to pay the mortgage, the utility bills, and pay for food.

Sigh. It's been a rough couple of years.
Michelle T

[~Tara~]

I'll try to refrain from adding in all my whines. Keeping it short with...I can relate. I am right there with ya girl! Seven months pregnant, hormonal, whiney, always feeling broke..yep...I hear ya!

I swear I could have written the parts about paying off the vehicle first and a midwife awaiting payment. Yes, thankfully most homebirth midwives are VERY forgiving in that, willing to negotiate and barter. But still. You just don't *want* to be in that position and 'demand' such grace on her part.

**hugs**
Just keep hanging in there...what else *can* you do? :)

[momluvs4kidz]

I'm glad to know we're not alone. Okay, not "glad" about others' situations, you know what I mean, right? We are always struggling, keep waiting to get on top of things and it never happens. And dh just lost his job, just praying for something to come along. So many homeschoolers I'm around seem to have money floating around them, they do every activity offered, take all trips they care to...I've felt like we were the only ones. We're also a one car family, and that one car is on its last leg. Or wheel I should say. Dont knowwhat we'll do if that fails us. Tax refund? Gone as soon as it came, and just waiting for the tax relief coming in May. Glad to have a place to "whine".

[Eliana]

We went through a prolonged period of incredible financial challenge not that long ago.

At first the stress was so overwhelming I could hardly think of anything other than trying to make sure we stayed afloat. I couldn't sleep well at night, I couldn't relax, I was in crisis mode constantly. There were a number of other stressful things going on (related to why we were where we were), and I felt I was going to crack under the strain.

I worked very hard to learn how to be positive about things - I had a book "Gateway to Happiness" which I carried around with me everywhere. I learned to reframe every situation, I learned how to repeat affirmations until I did so automatically... I got to the point where I had to *work* to be able to whine about things, when I talked about our challenges, even the scariest medical issues my husband was enduring, positive spin came out... and I *meant* it! But the stress was still there.

I finally went in to talk with our Rabbi. He said many kind, insightful, wise things, but the piece which lodged in my heart, the thing which transformed the situation for me was very simple.

He said, "This is the challenge of the man [manna]." It might seem that having all your needs provided for each day by HaKadosh Baruch Hu (the Holy One, Blessed be He) is a bracha (a blessing), but it is also an enormous nisayon (challenge/test). It is the ultimate exercise in emunah and bitachon (roughly: faith and trust). You must live each day grateful that today your needs are met, while trusting that they will be met again tomorrow.

I haven't given over his words well, but the feeling of them has changed my life. It didn't mean I worked any less, but, for some reason, that talk enabled me to internalize the belief that I have been given everything I need for what I am supposed to be doing in my life right now.

Without that faith, even the modest margin we've been granted in the last few years would feel inadequate...

[Volty]

Whenever I see a thread like this I always feel compelled to say how I support my family well teaching English overseas and dang nearly anybody here can do it. My life is great for moving, I don't work very hard and I don't worry about money.

[KidsHappen]

At the beginning of the year we thought that we would be down to just the car payment, mortgage and stundent loans (still). And then my dh changed jobs and went two weeks without pay. And then my mom passed away and the trip and funeral ended up costing about $10,000. We ended up about $7500 in debt in addition to the things listed above and I will be thankful if we make it through the next two months and don't have any other major castastrophies for the next few years. It's always something. And yet, somehow, we always make it through. I am sure you will too. Just know that other understand and can empathise. :o

[Eliana]

Whenever I see a thread like this I always feel compelled to say how I support my family well teaching English overseas and dang nearly anybody here can do it. My life is great for moving, I don't work very hard and I don't worry about money.


A dear friend of my husband's did this for several years. (He came back with a nice savings balance and a lovely wife!)

My husband's passion is computer programming... and I doubt he'll want to switch professions! It is something I thought of doing after the kids are grown - as a way of funding the traveling I would so love to do someday.

[Julpost]

I'd like to hear more about this. My dh is a computer systems engineer and is so stressed most of the time that he has to take antidepressants and his hands are constantly shaking. He has said he will consider teaching, we hadn't considered going overseas though. I think we really need a change of pace!!