Moms of teens - help!

[JennifersLost]

You know how a grown man takes up a certain amount of physical and psychic space in a house? All of a sudden it feels like my oldest son is taking up about that same amount of "space". Suddenly he has moods and grumpiness that can't necessarily be lightened by a little humor. He doesn't seem like "just one of the kids". He has to be taken into account, so to speak.

I don't know if I'm expressing this right, but I'm feeling a certain amount of dread now about facing the teen years with my kids. He's just the first one and there are three more to go. It's very cool when we have those moments when we can really talk about things, but I feel like everything from here on in is going to be a 3-way, and then a 4-way negotiation and then even worse from there.

I almost feel like it would be easier to be a wife if I didn't have kids, and easier to be a mom if I didn't have a husband. There are too many personalities to contend with and I feel like I'm the only one striving to be gracious.

It's not really that bad - it's a gloomy day and I'm grumpy, but it doesn't feel like this next stretch is going to be all that much fun.

Tips? Hints? Life-saving remedies?

[Amy in Orlando]

LOLOL - we're living parallel lives, Jennifer! I have three teen boys right now and I totally understand what you are talking about. They do take up so much more space - physical and psychic. Some days it really does seem like too too much.

I still have a hard time figuring out my husband's moods somedays and adding three more "men" to the mix makes for some very anxious moments on my part. Dh and the boys seem to have this "alpha dog" thing going on and it makes me crazy. Dh is usually not even aware of it unless I point it out to him. But it can involve anything from who gets the last scoop of mashed potatoes, to controling the remote to crazy stuff like hair cuts and clothing. It wears me down.

I have started doing a couple of things to save my sanity. After dinner, the kitchen is MINE. No one can bother me unless they are bleeding profusely or on fire. Period. This is the time I work on my soap business, make my lists, paint my fingernails, etc. I usually do this until 9:30 or 10:00. It's a good break for me and it gives me time to sort my thoughts. After that time, I'm ok to have "discussions" or talk about requests for future activities, etc.

Our house is small (about 1400 sq ft) and the boys share rooms. If one of them is in an especially foul or angsty mood, my first reaction is to put them to work. I know as a teen, having a physical outlet was helpful to me and to my dh. I send them out to try and tame our monster bamboo, mow the lawn or, currently, work on the demolition of dh and my bathroom. If it's too late for yard work or tile smashing, I send them to their own room and keep the brother he shares with out for an hour or so. They're free to read or play music or sleep or just sit and ponder how miserable their lives are. LOL

I don't have perfect solutions, but these measures have helped quite a bit. When the boys are rational and fun to be around they do understand that I DO understand how they're feeling and that I'm not a model of balanced hormones either. I'm looking forward to responses from people who have survived this.

Has your son started driving yet? This learner's permit is going to be the death of me. You can check my latest blog post for deatils if you want. http://www.thefoilhat.com/insidethefoilhatblog.htm Actually the post under the top one gives you an idea of a bad night around here. ;)

[JennifersLost]

That's exactly what I mean, and Amy - save me, because dh has been home for FOUR YEARS now 24/7 and it's still not getting any better. He still gets shrieking mad about "tired" things and I'm on eggshells all the time trying to prevent it, until I can't stand it anymore, retreat to my "office" (read bedroom) and hide while they sort it out.

My kids can't figure it out either - they still think we're going to magically go back to when I ran the show and things were sane.

My disclaimer - I love my dh, I love my kids, my life is sooooooo much better than when I was a single mom, but darn it, when do I get to be the man?

I'm beginning to have fantasies about packing a backpack and hiking south.

[Amy in Orlando]

That's exactly what I mean, and Amy - save me, because dh has been home for FOUR YEARS now 24/7 and it's still not getting any better. He still gets shrieking mad about "tired" things and I'm on eggshells all the time trying to prevent it, until I can't stand it anymore, retreat to my "office" (read bedroom) and hide while they sort it out.

My kids can't figure it out either - they still think we're going to magically go back to when I ran the show and things were sane.

My disclaimer - I love my dh, I love my kids, my life is sooooooo much better than when I was a single mom, but darn it, when do I get to be the man?

I'm beginning to have fantasies about packing a backpack and hiking south.

:eek:Nooo!!!!!! you're supposed to tell me it gets better having dh home so much. The kids are as baffled as I am. It's crazy, isn't it?? I think we just went too many years with him not being home. Now it's just weird and hard for all of us.

Ummmm ... I have a backpack. Let me know if you start hiking - I'll meet you half-way. :p

[JennifersLost]

what I'm going to do?

I'm going to finish this book really fast, publish it, make a ton of money and every time I get this crazed feeling I'm going to hop on my private jet, whip off to a writing conference and bask in the admiration of all the other writer wanna-bes.

And if that doesn't work I'm going to eat hamburgers until I weigh 200 pounds and start talking in a big low voice until everyone else starts walking on tiptoe around me.

[Carol in Cal.]

Two, maybe three wings...

Maybe a duplex...

No, wait, a triplex--yours, mine, and ours...

[Amy in Orlando]

what I'm going to do?

I'm going to finish this book really fast, publish it, make a ton of money and every time I get this crazed feeling I'm going to hop on my private jet, whip off to a writing conference and bask in the admiration of all the other writer wanna-bes.

And if that doesn't work I'm going to eat hamburgers until I weigh 200 pounds and start talking in a big low voice until everyone else starts walking on tiptoe around me.

:rolleyes:I'm with you whichever way you go.

Along the same vein, when Oprah discovers my soaps and makes me rich beyond my imagination, I'll come scoop you up in my private plane and we'll travel around eating hamburgers-of-the-world whilst wearing fabulous silk mumu's.

[JennifersLost]

NO WONDER!

I just went and checked and it's the whining moon.

No - really - I got that right. Science books do erroneously call it the waning moon, but that's because most science books are written by men and the women who work with them don't want them to sulk more than they already are. The real word - whining - comes from the Latin root whin (whino, whinare, whinavi, whinatus), meaning "everybody shut up and leave me alone."

Yikes - did we just go straight from the happy week to the crabby week without passing "go"?

[Amy in Orlando]

NO WONDER!

I just went and checked and it's the whining moon.

No - really - I got that right. Science books do erroneously call it the waning moon, but that's because most science books are written by men and the women who work with them don't want them to sulk more than they already are. The real word - whining - comes from the Latin root whin (whino, whinare, whinavi, whinatus), meaning "everybody shut up and leave me alone."

Yikes - did we just go straight from the happy week to the crabby week without passing "go"?

OK - that qualifies as the laugh of my week. Thanks for the moon tip - I'm off to mark my calendar! Your Latin might need a bit of work, but I'm including it in tomorrow's lesson. If the kids are smart they will know not to argue.