How to handle telling the kids?

[JAS]

This is a little nerve-wracking. It's my first post. :)

After months of research and soul searching, we've decided to take our two daughters, 10 and 7, out of private school at the end of this school year to homeschool them. They don't know this yet. They can't stay at the school after this year because we can no longer afford it. Really, we are less and less pleased with the school anyway. We don't want to send them to the public school.

Dd10 has asked a few questions about homeschooling because someone in her class has a sibling that is homeschooled. I asked her opinion of it. She said she thought it sounded interesting, which is a good sign. Dd7 has no idea.

I'm not quite sure how or when to go about talking with them about this. I want to tell them about it in time for them to soak it in and tell their friends before school is out for the summer. But my 7 year old is a worrier and I want to minimize her fretting time.

Can anyone suggest some ways to handle this?

Thank you.

[angela in ohio]

My suggestions would be:

(1.) Make sure that you don't leave any doubt in thier minds that it is going to happen. Otherwise, you may set yourself up for a summer (or longer) of pleading.

(2.) Speak positively. Instead of telling them why they are leaving school and the negatives, focus on the positives ahead with homeschooling.

(3.) Give them some voice in their new "school." After you have planned what they need to learn for the year, leave some time and money for cultivating personal interests (or following those they already have.)

My dd was younger (almost 6) when we pulled her out, so there was less worry about her reaction. These are some thing I thought of as possibly helping the situation, though.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

This is a little nerve-wracking. It's my first post. :)

After months of research and soul searching, we've decided to take our two daughters, 10 and 7, out of private school at the end of this school year to homeschool them. They don't know this yet. They can't stay at the school after this year because we can no longer afford it. Really, we are less and less pleased with the school anyway. We don't want to send them to the public school.

Dd10 has asked a few questions about homeschooling because someone in her class has a sibling that is homeschooled. I asked her opinion of it. She said she thought it sounded interesting, which is a good sign. Dd7 has no idea.

I'm not quite sure how or when to go about talking with them about this. I want to tell them about it in time for them to soak it in and tell their friends before school is out for the summer. But my 7 year old is a worrier and I want to minimize her fretting time.

Can anyone suggest some ways to handle this?

Thank you.

Hey, welcome!

Your key words are "get to."

As in

"Guess what girls! We've been working and working on this and -- you're not going to believe it -- we GET TO HOMESCHOOL next year! Can you believe it? We get to get ready all summer, and in fall we're going to spend the first day of school going to ________ ___________ for a field trip on the VERY FIRST DAY! Just because we can, because WE make the rules when we're homeschooling! I'm so excited!"

Then let the questions begin.

And if you're nervous, I'll tell you a little secret. When you smile and enthuse while you're nervous, you don't *look* nervous. You look excited. Really. You simply cannot tell the difference. So use that to your advantage.

Have a plan, let them quiz you about the plan, and then just relax into it and enjoy.

It's going to be fine. Really.

[Audrey]

I don't have any advice on how to tell them. I've always homeschooled, so pulling a kid out of school hasn't been an issue, and ds has never asked to go.

However, I did just want to say "good for you!" on your decision and this is a great place for support.

You can do this! :)

[ElaineJ]

I know there will be some losses to grieve, as there is with any change and transition, and I'm not suggesting ignoring that healthy grieving and adjustment process. But I would introduce the change in an upbeat manner and emphasize the positives they will experience as a result. "Now we'll be able to have lunch with Grandma sometimes....won't that be fun?" for example. If your family finances and situation make this possible, you might want to pick a few of their favorite activities and make sure they are on the agenda for the fall: take a dancing or swimming class, join in some fun field trips, have "arts and crafts day" Friday afternoons, etc.., whatever your little ones particularly enjoy and look forward to doing. Have fun together! And blessings on your family as you begin a new part of your journey-

ElaineJ

[Whisperlily]

Yes, like Pam said, sound excited! "I can't wait." "There's so much we GET to do." "This is going to be so much fun!"

Play up the positives, make the first few weeks as FUN as possible. Let them help you choose one of the things they get to learn about the first year.

Meet resistance with, "I'll bet you're going to love it. Just wait and see."

Even if you feel like this: :confused::eek: Try to make them think you feel like this: :cool::D

[Karenciavo]

Welcome to posting. :)

I took my older two out at 9 & 7. Dh & I were upfront with them and their school as soon we came to our decision. My guys were excited about it, but I will be honest, once school began they missed a couple of aspects of going to school, namely, lunch, recess, and chatting with their friends between work. :rolleyes: You must be prepared for the chance they may beg and plead to return. I made a list of reasons why we homeschool (still do this) and it was something to turn to in times of doubt.

Don't worry, it'll be fine.
Karen

[Karenciavo]

Yes, like Pam said, sound excited! "I can't wait." "There's so much we GET to do." "This is going to be so much fun!"

I did this and my oldest son said I misrepresented the truth. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/signs136.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I did this and my oldest son said I misrepresented the truth. http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/signs136.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

"We get to work really hard together and learn a TON of new stuff!"

"There will be days when Mom just wants to jump off an overpass into rush hour traffic! But not all the time! Isn't that GREAT??!"

"Mommy chose "Neo-classical." That means your school day is twice as long as every other type of homeschooler on the face of the planet! Isn't that exciting?"

Ok, actually I like the first one and would use that one, but you know, be judicious about the last two. (They aren't actually true, but the word "hyperbole" can be one of the first things you can teach.)

:D

[Stacy in NJ]

While I agree with Pam about talking up the good stuff, and there really is plenty of good stuff, I'd also prepare them for the fact that actual work is involved for all of you. :eek:

We began homeschooling when mine were 6 and 8. My oldest had completed 2nd grade, my younger K. I remember telling my guys what fun and what a new challenge we were facing. It made it somewhat exciting. I also allowed some input and got them excited, as well.

I would also look to keep up with their social contacts and make some new ones.

[PiCO]

This is a little nerve-wracking. It's my first post. :)

After months of research and soul searching, we've decided to take our two daughters, 10 and 7, out of private school at the end of this school year to homeschool them.

I did exactly this when dd finished up 2nd grade. She was in a very exclusive private school, and dh was laid off.

I researched options, did not like local public schools, and thought homeschooling was the best option. I did ask dd what she thought, but I made it clear that decisions regarding schooling were not hers to make.

Oh, and what Pam SFSOM said is a great idea. Definitely start with a field trip because you can! :)

[Cindy in C-ville]

I like Pam's answer. She's not SFSOM for nothing! :)

On our first day of homeschooling we flew kites, found giant mushrooms, and went out to lunch. That was nearly 10 years ago and I was homeschooling just one very social first grader who had loved her public school kindergarten. Now I'm homeschooling 6 kiddoes and #1 is wrestling with whether to continue homeschooling next year or go to a private school. She's wrestling b/c she loves homeschooling. She loves the independence, the freedom, and being able to work at her pace. After all these years, she has a tremendous amount of self-initiative and basically steers her own academic ship.

You're about to begin a grand adventure. It will be challenging. But it's a worthy challenge.

Blessings,
Cindy

[WTMindy]

(they take after their mother) they love planners and calendars. I let my kids help me design their own indivualized planners. I also think a key is to give them some choices in the beginning. Do you want to study earth science or chemistry next year? Would you prefer doing math first or last?

[Patty Joanna]

When I did this, I was very worried. My son was not. He was happy. I was surprised. Years later, he told me that he had always wanted to be homeschooled; he just didn't know it was legal.

I took him out on a paddle boat so I could have him "contained". I told him he would be homeschooled and he said, "OK. Can I go swimming now?"

Go figure.

[gardenschooler]

"We get to work really hard together and learn a TON of new stuff!"

"There will be days when Mom just wants to jump off an overpass into rush hour traffic! But not all the time! Isn't that GREAT??!"

"Mommy chose "Neo-classical." That means your school day is twice as long as every other type of homeschooler on the face of the planet! Isn't that exciting?"

Ok, actually I like the first one and would use that one, but you know, be judicious about the last two. (They aren't actually true, but the word "hyperbole" can be one of the first things you can teach.)

:D

Pam, you're killing me! My dd13 would agree with you on #2! ;)

And don't forget to tell your kids about the wonderful brunches you'll have often. That's how I keep mine thinking they have an advantage over the school kids. ("They don't have pancakes and bacon like this, no sir! Who wants hot chocolate?")

[Amy in Orlando]

:oOh man, I need a Pam t-shirt. Her advice is dead-on.

We pulled my boys out after they'd finished 1st and 2nd grade. Over the past 8 years, it's been a lot of fun AND a lot of hard work. And it's never been timed as well as I would have liked it to have been.

I think the key is to be honest. We think this is best for you and as long as we think it's best, this is what we'll do. If it makes you feel better, put a couple of bucks in each kids' therapy jar. (lol)

If you can get them a little bit involved in choosing what you do next year that can go a long way, too.

[TwinMominTX]

The only thing I can add is to continue any "pre first day of school" traditions you might have previously followed - school clothes shopping, planner shopping, first day of school pictures, etc.

I'd also tell them as early as you feel comfortable. They are likely to be the envy of a few kids in their classes and they can also spend the summer making some other friends.

Good luck!

TK

[Mrs. H.]

To help get them excited, have a brainstorming session about topics they would like to learn about for the coming year. I actually do this every spring/summer with my dc, and they've never been to school. You might have a dc who would love to do art, music, learn about dinosaurs, etc. but they didn't offer that at his/her school, or they didn't have time to focus on it. Take the whole summer off, discuss this stuff, spend lots of time researching community opportunities (museums, zoos, nature reserves, etc.), and start in the fall armed and excited.

A word of caution here: be very careful to avoid falling into the "perfect curriculum" trap. There is no perfect curriculum, and the object is to teach our children how to think and to love to learn, not to turn out Harvard honors grads after one year of homeschooling. I only say this because it is super-easy to push too hard that first year, thinking that you have something to prove because you have to match the perfect school's perfect curriculum. I've been there, and had to whoa back many times in the past.

[Tracey in TX]

I pulled my kiddos out after Thanksgiving. They're in 3rd,3rd,3rd,4th,and 5th grades. Most were happy and loved their school. We discussed it and I deeply reflected their input with DH & I casting the final vote.
There are lots of benefits which I didn't anticipate: extra sleep, shorter class periods, extra courses (Latin, Italian), more playtime, DCs getting along better. We actually have a happier home life.

We took 2 spring break days already b/c the weather was gorgeous and a friend was visiting. We'll take the other 3 days when their friends are on break. When weather is icky on weekend, we'll do a school day then to free up a nice weather day later.

Plan field trips NOW...maybe even hook up with a hs to find some activities to endorse when you tell your kiddos.

[Joanne]

In between now and next year and after Pam's great advice.....

I'd coach them (and yourself) on expected social interactions. They'll be asked about homeschooling (so will you) and they are old enough to need simple scripts.

"We homeschool. It works for our family".

"My parents decided that homeschooling was a match for us."

"Socialization? It's not a problem."

[JAS]

With all these suggestions, I'm not worried anymore. I will jot down all your ideas and start preparing.

There was a lot mentioned that I hadn't even considered (other school kids thinking it was cool, guarding against pushing too hard in the first year, framing it as a "get to do", containing them in a paddle boat was it? Hee!). I loved reading about what you did and how it worked.

Thank you! You've helped me immensely.

[Musical Belle]

And if none of that works, you can usually get them with, "Guess what? We get to mummify a chicken!" :D (For some reason this is really appealing to boys, including my own ds.)

Welcome to the adventure!