I must vent about a situation today at co-op...

[Sue G in PA]

We just started this co-op at our new church. I knew the women/mothers from when we "checked out" this church a year ago so it was easy to "fit" myself in. The co-op has K-2, 3-5th and 6-12th split up (good) and 4 offered classes w/ 40 min. time slots for each. Each of my older dc (dd11, ds9, ds8 and ds6) take at least one class. I have my ds5 and dd2 there...bored to tears most of the time. Typically, I let them play in their Sunday School classroom...making sure all is cleaned up when we leave (spotless). So today, this mother (the Children's Pastor of the church whom I'm friendly with), sees my younger dc playing in the classroom and says rather nastily..."I JUST cleaned all these classrooms. Could you PLEASE have them clean up after they are done?". Like I EVER leave the classrooms in disarray! In fact, I leave it better than how we found it! I was just so ticked off at her for even insinuating that my dc have EVER left it messy! Honestly...what else is there for them to do? I cannot leave...policy is that parents w/ younger children (K-5) remain on the property unless the dc are in a class. Well, mine have classes at different times so one of the youngers is going to be "free" at any given time slot, KWIM? I"m sorry to take up board space w/ this silly whine but I was just (am just) so frustrated. Oh, then I am "chastised" when my boys are seen running around OUTSIDE of the church (NOT in the street or parking lot, in the grassy areas) trying to expend some energy without disturbing the children inside, KWIM? Obviously THAT is inappropriate as well! Oh, I was outside with them...just not on their heels close enough I guess.

[Mrs Mungo]

I *truly* feel your pain. Things like that are *so* frustrating! I can't even tell you how many times I've experienced something similar and it's always annoying.

[angela in ohio]

She must have been having a rough day. If she is usually friendly, I would let it slide. Everyone has those moments.

The running outside thing is wierd. I can't see how that would hurt anybody.

I hope next week is better for you!!

[gardenschooler]

That sounds awful, Sue. What a way to welcome someone (fairly) new. Hopefully this person was just having a bad day, but that is ridiculous, IMO. How uptight.

What do the other mothers do with their children who are not in class while another one is? Is there a need for a designated play area? And why on earth don't all the kids have class at the same time? I'd also get some policy in place so you have clear permission to play outside. That part is strange.

(((Sue))) Hope next week's better. Maybe you need me to come organize those people? :D

[Rachel]

and hence why I no longer am involved in co-opping..........

Sorry for your experience, you certainly aren't alone

[Pencil Pusher]

What do the other mothers do with their children who are not in class while another one is? Is there a need for a designated play area? And why on earth don't all the kids have class at the same time? I'd also get some policy in place so you have clear permission to play outside. That part is strange.

I was wondering the same thing. It sounds like they need some kind of *plan* for moms w/ littles. Don't most churches have some kind of play area, either indoor or outdoor, other than classrooms?

Btw, I *imagine* the lady who griped at you wasn't trying to say you've ever left the classrooms a mess--it sounds to me like she wasn't aware you'd ever had your kids in there before. She may have even thought she was being polite by not asking you to take your children out of there.:o (Not that *I* think that, just..."polite" means different things to different people!)

I'm guessing you're the only one w/ littles? Otherwise, surely they'd have thought about this problem before now! I think there are several ways you can deal w/ the situation, but I wonder if it will be more stress than it's worth in the long run? I mean, even if the ladies have a sudden epiphany (lol), your dc will still be really bored, right? And bored dc...oohey!

I hope it gets better!!

[Karenciavo]

I hope this woman was having a bad day, but in any case you should speak to her, in love. I think one reason we are exhorted in Scripture not to give up meeting together is so we can grow through situations like this.

It's a bit of mismanagement to have a co-op that asks parents to stay, but does not provide a nursery. Maybe you could help solve that problem.

[Jann in TX]

I'm not saying that she handled it in the right way...BUT...

It is absolutely AMAZING how many times our nursery/children's rooms have been cleaned and organized by staff one day (in preparation for services on the weekend) and then the next day the rooms are a total DISASTER area because someone decided they would be a nice place for their children to play while they had a meeting or an errand at the church...and the majority of the time those people DO NOT pick up after their children.

Unfortunately we have had to install locks on the majority of our children's classrooms and ALL nursery rooms. We do have a sign up sheet posted--so if a room is needed it is EASY to get a key with a simple visit to the church secretary... and the person signing for the key is then responsible for cleaning the room afterwards. We still get several complaints each week about the rooms being locked...but when materials/supplies and toys were being taken/broken and the rooms left dirty we had no other option.

My classroom is the only room left unlocked--it is the largest room in the childrens building and there are meetings in there nearly every day. I cannot leave ANYTHING in my cabinets because they will be used/destroyed during the week by mostly bored children looking for something to do. I have even walked in on a PARENT going through my supplies for projects to keep their children busy. I've had to delay or cancel Sunday School projects because of this.

OH, I also think the Children's Pastor must have been having a bad day--and I'm willing to bet she was not talking directly to you (on a personal level)--but she was just voicing her frustration. Please allow her some grace--and if you cannot do that then please speak directly to her instead of venting around others.

[Pencil Pusher]

Please allow her some grace--and if you cannot do that then please speak directly to her instead of venting around others.

Ouch! That stings almost as much as the children's pastor's comment!

[Sue G in PA]

Jann in TX...sorry you are having a bad day, too. :)

[j.griff]

Sue, don't be sorry for venting. If others have problem with such "vents", then they also have the option of not reading such posts :)
I don't know if you wanted any advice or not. That is a terribly frustrating situation to be in though, and I have no idea what *I* would do. I would wonder whether it would be worth confronting the "staff" about though, what are the chances that bringing up the way they've treated you would have positive results? OTOH, if you don't ever mention it, will you continue to be on the receiving end of such treatment, and will your Littles grow to resent such Co-op classes? Hugs.

[HomeOnTheRanch]

I'm not saying that she handled it in the right way...BUT...



I agree with Jann. I'm sure it was frustrating for you, but you have no idea what she might have had to deal with in the past. Yes, YOU have always and will always clean up after yourself, but there are many, many parents who don't. I've showed up on time for church expecting my classroom to look like I had left it the previous afternoon. Instead, kids of the folks that were there for music practice the previous evening decided that all the supplies needed to dumped out and the furniture needed to rearranged.

Voice your concerns to the head of the co-op. Maybe they can help you come up with a solution. See if they can give you an "official" room, outside area, and maybe even activities/tv that you and others in your situation could use.

[gardenschooler]

I still think the *people* should matter more than the *stuff*. Sue wasn't going through supply closets, and she hadn't been asked to clean up and refused, nor had there been any messes left behind by her and her kids previously. So yes, the CP might have been having a bad day, or fed up with messes, but still - that's not how you treat people. In the church. New to the church, even!

And Sue, you feel free to vent to your heart's content. Anything we can do to relieve your stress! I'm pretty sure if I were expecting my 7th child and facing other challenges, I wouldn't even try to go to a co-op. You are putting in so much work into your homeschooling. You deserve a break! (((Sue)))

[Annie G]

We use a church for many of our support group events, and when we specify which areas we'd like to use, things go more smoothly. This church is gracious enough to allow us (and many other groups) to use the facility and we have to be mindful that our use doesn't interfere with the church needs. For instance, a piano teacher uses the sanctuary for music lessons and some parents have taken the liberty of dropping off their kids for lessons, and the waiting kids play in the lobby while waiting their turn for lessons. The church staff became upset because the kids were too loud, not supervised, and disruptive to the office staff. Later that month, we used the sanctuary for talent show practice and the office staff jumped on us about the kids' behavior. They misunderstood that it wasn't the same group of kids.
It sounds like the co-op leaders might want to clarify with the church which rooms are available for use and assure the church staff that the co-op members will treat the facility with respect.

[Sue G in PA]

I am very familiar with children's ministry/classroom issues. Having been the nursery director of our old church and having to clean up the nursery every Sunday before church b/c of irresponsible parents using it during the week for activites...I am well aware of the frustrations of this particular issue. My supplies were constantly being stolen, removed from the class, broken, etc. Church policy was that the room be kept OPEN for such mid-week activities. Frustrating that a policy that required parents to clean up couldn't be enforced. I'm sure this woman faces the same issues. My only frustration was that she KNOWS me and KNOWS that I'm not one of those irresponsible parents. KWIM? If I were a stranger...I'd understand. Really. Oh, and the first week of co-op I specifically asked this same woman if I could use the classroom for my younger kids. She said, "sure". Nothing more, nothing less. I guess I should have clarified that in my original post. I didn't want to do co-op, but my dc really needed the "break" and a chance to get to know some other kids and I made them take classes that we normally don't get to around here (Art and Spanish!). So...thanks all for your hugs and kind words (and even for "ouchy" words...sometimes we all need some constructive criticism :)). No offense taken here...I'm 8 mos. pregnant and probably blew this situation way out of proportion due to my "bad day", too :)

[siloam]

Sue,

I feel for you, it doesn't sound like she gave you a chance to explain yourself or anything. Given there is no history of this I would just assume she was PMSing and have grace on her. If it happens again though I would stop her and make sure she understood how long you have been doing this and how committed you are to making sure the room is clean.

Heather