How do you choose between two major event scheduled on the same night?

[Tap, tap, tap]

I have a friend who is turning 40 and she has invited all of us girls from "ladies night" (our every 1st Wednesday group) to have a huge party with her to celebrate. She is renting out the back room in a local club and it will just us "ladies nighters" hubbies and a few other friends. It will be a blast and I am really looking forward to it. It will be a small group (20ish) of all people that I know and really enjoy being around. She and her hubby are having trouble so it is really important for her to be surrounded by friends right now. She would be quite upset if I miss it.

I just realized that it is the same night as a close coworkers wedding. She is 23, is having a very luxurious event and it will be very nice. My other 4 coworkers will be there and it will be a lot of fun too (my coworkers are a bit crazy sometimes :0) ). The bride is from the Ukraine and to her, there is no life event that compares to your wedding. Except for us coworkers, very few other guests will speak any English. The service will be in Russian. Because of the magnitude of the event, she would be quite upset if I miss it.

There is no way to do both as the times overlap completely and they are on opposite sides of a large city.

If the hostess/brides feelings weren't a concern....I would go the 40th party. Thinking of the hostess/bride...I would go the the wedding. I really Want to go the 40th....I will go to the wedding, probably, because I have to (I dislike weddings and avoid them like a lot of people avoid funerals), and I see my coworker 100 hours a month and the ladies night friend about 3!


How do you decide when you have to be at too events at one time?

[Amy in Orlando]

In this situation, I'd go to the event I most wanted to go to Is your coworker having any showers that you'll be attending? Could you maybe take her out for lunch and give her a nice gift and explain that you have another obligation? Just let her know that you committed to the other event before you knew the date of her wedding.

[Karen sn]

I agree with Amy.
Sometimes we have to do what we WANT to do.
It will be a shame to miss all that culture and tradition from her wedding, but you have a dear close friend who NEEDS you.
Do something extra special for the coworker. Tell her NOW so she has notice. Explain that you are sorry and regret not being able to make it. Look into her eyes and tell her the truth. If she is any kind of friend worth having she will understand.
Don't delay!

[Lolly]

That would be especially true if I had already accepted an invitation. If I received the invites around the same time and had not made mention that I would be attending the first, I would feel comfortable choosing the one I truly wished to attend. I'm not one to put off rsvping, so I usually attend the first asked.